


Silvered Souls

by Jango27



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Protective Siblings, Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2018-11-16 11:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 46,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11252661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jango27/pseuds/Jango27
Summary: "There's an instant- a split second before the world turns black- where she manages to catch a glimpse of who Maggie had been crouched over before, who she'd refused to let Alex closer to. A girl lying motionless, a red cape crumpled underneath her and blood smeared over the stylized "S" on her chest. Supergirl. Kara." - Rated for language, more warnings within.





	1. Chapter 1

**I'm just so so so excited to be finally posting this story, 'cos I've had this idea floating around my head for aaages without really doing much with it. But I've just finished exams and have about a month of holiday, so I'm gonna really knuckle down and hopefully get heaps out before I go back to uni!**

**This is the first time I'm writing in the Supergirl fandom, but I just absolutely love these characters, my favourite of course being the Danvers sisters. In real life, my sister is my best best friend in the entire world; we're close in a way that words simply can't describe (believe me, I've tried before), so I really want to just use those emotions to hopefully create something that's at least readable! haha.**

**Anyway, sorry, super long note. This story revolves around flashbacks, which are shown through italics, anything else is in the present time. Hopefully that's kinda clear! As usual, I own nothing from this show.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

...

_ Chapter One: _

There's a sound to silence. A ringing. Like a reminder that something should _really_ be there.

Alex blinks, and even this movement takes enormous effort. There's a harsh weight pressed to her chest and a sharp prickling in her fingers, and with each new realization comes an equal sense of confusion.

She blinks again.

There's dust swirling in the air above her, figures in the shadowy edges of her vision, but for the life of her, Alex can't make any move to investigate who they are or where she is or just what the _hell_ is going on. It looks like there's been an explosion or something. But that doesn't make sense. Surely she'd remember something like that, right?

The ringing in her ears gives way to something else, a horrifying nausea, and it's a long time before Alex's mind catches up with what she's hearing, and even then there's no context to it.

"Get medical here _now_!"

"I need some help here."

And then, an authoritative voice, familiar in the way it demands attention. _J'onn_. "Start clearing the area, get the injured out of here. We need to find Danvers."

Danvers. _Danvers._ But wasn't that her?

With a groan, Alex manages to lift her body up. A chunk of drywall falls off her chest, but apart from an odd purpling bruise colouring the back of her right hand- odd, she can't remember doing anything that would cause such an injury- and a sharp, thumping pain in her head accompanied by a rolling nausea, she's relatively unharmed. It's as she's busy getting to her feet that Alex sees someone reassuringly familiar.

Maggie's on her knees beside someone's still form, facing away so all Alex can see is the usual black jacket and waves of dark hair, discoloured as they are by dust and debris. There's no way Maggie could possibly hear Alex over the screams and desperate yells of the agents around them, but she must sense something, because Maggie stiffens slightly, turning to face her as Alex takes a stumbling step forward.

And Alex stares as Maggie's face changes.

Watches as her eyes widen.

Something akin to fear in her expression as she stares back.

And it's that- that horrible emotion- which has Alex taking another shaky step towards her girlfriend, instinctively looking to comfort or stop whatever is making Maggie scared.

She's so focused on helping, that Alex fails to notice just where her girlfriend's fear is aimed.

Instantly, Maggie's hand shoots to her holstered gun, drawing the weapon and aiming it at Alex's chest. Her grip's noticeably shaky, sure, but it'd still be a lethal enough shot and Alex instinctively takes a step back, raising her hands.

"Maggie- Mags, what-"

"Stop- Alex, just don't come any closer to her-" Maggie's voice is trembling in a way she's never heard before, horrified in a way that cuts through her.

"Mags, please, what's going on-?"

"Agent Danvers." It's Hank this time, no weapon visible, but his eyes glowing in the way that warns of the potential for his Martian powers. "On your knees. Now."

There's no room for disagreement in his words, and Alex's head is spinning far too much to disobey a direct order from her boss. Falling to her knees, she flinches against the harsh bite of cuffs around her bruised wrists, but otherwise makes no word of protest. Maggie still hasn't moved from where she's standing, nor has she fully put down her gun, and Alex can't even begin to understand what's going on.

She doesn't get the chance to either, because then there's a sharp pinch as a needle's injected into her neck, and a rush of cold through her veins.

There's an instant- a split second before the world turns black- where she manages to catch a glimpse of who Maggie had been crouched over before, who she'd refused to let Alex closer to.

A girl lying motionless, a red cape crumpled underneath her and blood smeared over the stylized "S" on her chest.

Supergirl. _Kara._

* * *

_(One Month Earlier:_

_For the first time in what feels like months, her alarm isn't what wakes Alex up._

_She blinks blearily against the morning sun, before smiling into her pillow as she registers the feel of her girlfriend's lips pressing kisses up her back. "What time is it?" Alex moans softly._

_"_ _You really wanna know?"_

_Alex groans again, and she hears Maggie chuckle._

_She rolls over. Maggie has propped herself up on her elbows, dark hair tousled and oversized grey shirt slipping off one shoulder, but her eyes are clear and bright, shining in the pale sunlight that's streaming through the window._

_Alex brushes a hand softly along Maggie's forearm. "Did we just make it a whole night without one of our phones going off?" she asks._

_"_ _Pretty much," Maggie falls back to the bed, "you did just get a text though. But it's only Kara, so I don't think that counts."_

_Her phone's on the bedside where she set it up to charge last night, and sure enough there's a text from her sister._

Coming over now.

Please be wearing clothes.

_What follows is a series of emojis, the ones that always end all of Kara's messages, but including for the first time what appears to be-_

_"_ _Since when did they have a Supergirl emoji?!"_

_"_ _No way," Maggie says, leaning forward to see for herself. She lets out a laugh a few moments later. "Look how cute it is! It's got a little cape and everything!"_

_"_ _Kara's never going to let this one down," Alex groans, burrowing her face back in her pillow._

_"_ _Eh, that's what you said when she discovered that cereal that was using her as its design inspiration, and she got over that pretty quickly."_

_"_ _Only after she bought one for herself and found that cereal made to look like your face isn't actually the best thing in the world."_

_Chuckling, Maggie rolls closer and Alex shifts so they can share the pillow. Their faces are mere inches apart like this, and there's nothing more Alex wants to do then to just lay here, memorizing the fine lines and shadowed angles that make up her girlfriend's face. But she knows that Maggie has to get to work soon, or that she'll get a call from the DEO asking her to come in. It's the unavoidable nature of their jobs, and for the most part Alex didn't resent it; their work was what had bought them together in the first place. It just forced her to appreciate small moments like this; waking up next to each other. And, if Maggie's contemplative eyes are anything to go by, she does too._

_She brushes a hand over Maggie's cheek. "You'll be careful today?"_

_Her girlfriend gives a soft smile, but tilts her head slightly in confusion. "You know I always am."_

_"_ _I know that- I do," Alex rolls over, facing the ceiling, and lets out a long breath, "I just… worry sometimes, you know? This is all just so new; I don't want to lose it before I've fully come to grips with what it means."_

_"_ _Yeah… but that's… that's too big of a thought, Alex. That's worrying over thing's you can't control."_

_"_ _I know," Alex buries her face in her hands, so her next words are muffled, "but that doesn't make it any easier."_

_"_ _Hey," Maggie tugs down her hands, "I can't promise to be safe, but I'll promise to be careful, to try my hardest to get back to you. How's that?"_

_Alex stares for a long moment, before leaning forward to kiss her girlfriend quickly. "That sounds like something I could agree to."_

_Maggie smiles. "Okay, but you've got to too."_

_"_ _What?"_

_"_ _Come on, you think you're the only one that worries? Between us, who's the one that works with aliens?"_

_"_ _Aliens are predictable. They're either trying to fly under the radar or take over the world. It's human's you have to watch out for."_

_"_ _Mmm, you might have a point there," Maggie chuckles, but there's an edge to her words, and when she looks up at Alex her eyes are dark pools of an emotion that isn't fully identifiable._

_Uncertainty, perhaps._

_Apprehensiveness._

_Is this her way, then, of expressing the same fear that grips Alex sometimes, that something will end this relationship before they've fully experienced it?_

_Alex reaches up and tugs Maggie's hand from under the pillow, gripping her pinky in her own. "I swear," she says, ignoring her girlfriend's playful eye roll, "to always try my hardest to stay safe, to not make any stupid decisions, and to come back to you."_

_It was a similar promise to one Alex had made to Kara a long time ago, back when the wounds from an exploded planet and a lost family were still raw enough to grip the girl in terrifying depression._

_Alex hadn't yet had cause to break that promise._

_So surely, she wouldn't have to now._

* * *

When Alex wakes, she's in a horrifyingly familiar place. Familiar, because she knows exactly where it is. Horrifying, because she never expected to find herself on this side of the glass.

The DEO cell swims into focus, lit brightly enough that Alex groans. There's a furious pounding in her head and a pressure against her chest that leaves her gasping, but something stops her when she tries to make a move to shove it away. Alex looks down. There's magnetized cuffs encircling her wrists, ankles and torso, especially effective considering her weakened state.

And it's then that she remembers.

J'onn telling her to stand down.

Maggie pointing a gun at her.

And God, _Kara_ \- Kara, unconscious and bleeding.

Alex jerks her wrists, but the cuffs are far too strong and the IV in her left hand stabs further into her vein. Maybe if she was able to dislodge the needle, though, she could work on getting herself out of the restraints and finding out just what the hell was going on. Maybe-

"Don't even think about it."

Alex jumps, then swears roughly as her head gives a responding throb. She hadn't even seen him just inside the glass-paned wall of the cell. "J'onn?"

The Martian takes a few steps forward, close enough for her to see the bruises marring his face, the swelling of his eye. "God, J'onn, what happened?"

He stills- she watches it happen. His muscles freeze, a rigidness straightening his spine and his dark eyes hardening. "You don't know," he says, and it's not a question.

"Know what? Fuck, J'onn, what happened?"

The colours in her vision are beginning to swirl, the edges darkening, but there's still so much Alex doesn't understand that she forces herself away from the shadowy edge of unconsciousness despite the protesting wooziness in her head.

And somewhere to her left, a machine beeps in warning. J'onn's eyes dart towards it. "Calm down," he says.

"Just tell me what the hell's going on." Red crackles at the edge of her vision, and she distantly hears another beep.

The Director growls. "Damnit, Danvers, you need to _calm down_."

"Why am I in a cell? How the hell am I supposed to calm down when you won't tell me what's going on?"

"I can't tell you what happened because you're the only one that knows, Alex!"

That strikes her short. Her mouth opens, but she finds no words in way of an answer.

J'onn seems to force calm, visibly reigning himself in, and when he next speaks his words are emotionless- which just mean they hit her all the more harder. "You've been lying to me, Alex, and I thought you were one of the few people I could trust not to do that."

She opens her mouth to deny it; instinctively looking to argue back.

But then something stops her.

Makes her pause.

Almost like some dormant part of her mind is recognizing an element of truth in J'onn's words. And that scares her. Because her whole life is built on maintaining lies and fronts and covers, but like J'onn said; he's one of the few people that aren't included within that. So what could have been so horrible that Alex felt she couldn't share with him?

But J'onn steps away from her bedside before she can ask. "Get some rest. I've got a mess to clean up," is all he says, stepping towards the door.

Alex fumbles to find something to stop him. "I- I feel fine, I swear, I can help-"

"You won't feel fine for much longer. Med's got you hooked up to flush whatever's in your system," he pauses then, and his words take on an edge, "and I don't think many people would be willing to accept your help at the moment."

She drops her gaze, completely unable to meet J'onn's stare. He's right though, too, because even in these small moments she's been conscious the thumping pain in her head has gotten worse with each labored breath.

Her eyes fall to the restraints around her wrists. Her right hand still has that odd, purpling bruise around her knuckles. Judging from the colour and spread, it's at least a day old, and suddenly she's caught up in a memory, hitting her with all the force of a speeding train.

( _Kara's got her hands out in front of her, like she's trying to placate a wild animal. "Alex…" she whispers, her words impossibly soft._

_It's instinct, the way Alex reacts. Because she has to get away and she has to fight and she has to make it stop, stop- just stop!_

_Kara is so focused on helping that she doesn't see it coming. Or maybe she does, but doesn't expect the effect it has._

_Alex's fist slams into Kara's face, and while pain crackles across her hand- so strong it makes Alex gasp-it sends the Kryptonian flying back to slam into the wall._

_And then there's only a deathly silence, in which Kara slowly reaches a hand up to her nose to wipe away the blood dripping from her nose.)_

Alex blinks herself back to the present.

"J'onn, wait- please-"

Her fractured words stop the Martian in his tracks. He turns back to the bed.

"J'onn," Alex licks her cracked lips. "Where's Kara… please…"

His face shifts, features locking down even as his eyes take on another emotion.

"J'onn?"

But he merely shakes his head once- refusing her an answer? Or simply unable to give one? Both are horrible possibilities. He turns again, making his way to the door.

"No wait- where's Kara? What happened?! J'onn!" Her voice rises to a terrible cracked shout, "J'onn- where's Kara- _where's my sister_?!"

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! It means the world. If you could take the time to leave a review, it would be amazing, but thank you regardless :)**

**Next chapter up soon! (Hopefully with some actual answers...)**

**-F**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so first of all thank you thank you thank you for the amazing response I received for the first chapter. Your guys' kind words and encouragement was just absolutely incredible to read so I hope that this story continues to live up to your wishes :)**

**I got asked a couple of times about when this fic is set. Honestly, it's kinda just some unknown time in the future. Mon-el won't be in it (sorry), but I do really want to add in Lena at some point, I'm just tryna figure out how she'd fit in with the storyline. Maybe more importantly though is that Alex and Maggie aren't engaged or married or anything. I just don't really know how to address what happened in the season 2 finale. And as much as I love Sanvers (and I do guys, I really really do) that proposal just seemed a little... rushed, perhaps? It was amazing to watch... but I dunno, maybe I'm just a cynic at heart and waiting for something to go horribly, horribly wrong...**

**Anyho, sorry, I'll stop with the long note now. Hope you enjoy!**

**...**

_ Chapter Two: _

Maggie Sawyer has always prided herself in being a cop, through and through.

In times of stress, she doesn't panic. When a gun is pointed her way and a fingertip hovering over the trigger, she doesn't flinch. It's partly experience, something that had served her well while she was a young cop in Gotham, and then again in her quick rise to Detective in National City.

That is what's guiding her movements at this time, a façade of calm she certainly doesn't feel. In truth, she wants to scream. Or throw things. Or- and this might just be the most likely course of action- hunt down the man responsible for all of this and make him pay. Multiple times. At least that would give her something to do rather than sitting here, her attention split between the two screens in front of her.

This whole situation is just so fucked up- when had it gone so horribly wrong?

Well, the answer to that's obvious enough.

It was the time afterwards where it all went to hell.

Maggie leans forward, dropping her face into her hands and rubbing her temples. She'd been fortunate enough to have gotten away from the explosion with very little in the way of injuries, but there was a headache pulsing in time with her heartbeat that was only growing with each passing moment.

A gun. She'd held a fucking gun to her girlfriend. And the worst thing was that Maggie hadn't even hesitated. She'd drawn her gun on a threat. Because as much as she wanted to deny it, that's all Alex had been at that point; a threat that, had it been anyone else in the world, she wouldn't've been so tossed up about.

Maggie glances up at the stuttered breath to her right. Winn has a bloody bit of gauze strapped to his forehead and a minor concussion, but for the past few hours he'd been furiously typing away at his laptop, scanning for God knows what.

She understood the need to keep busy.

But the answers he was looking for couldn't be found at the touch of a mouse.

Even as she's thinking it, Winn seems to come to the same conclusion, slamming a fist down on the desk before throwing himself backwards in his chair, rubbing his eyes furiously. "Nothing in any of Alex's last case files, and no word yet about Kara," he mutters, his voice cracking.

Maggie doesn't know Winn well; she's met him only in the few times she's been at the DEO and the one memorable game night at Kara's loft. She doesn't know anything about him, except that he's a certified genius with computers and one of Kara's best friends. That fact alone is what prompts Maggie to reach across, to place a hand on his shoulder and give it a supportive squeeze, because she gets how it feels to have someone you love most in the world in pain and completely out of reach.

The difference between her and Winn though, lay in the fact that he hadn't been able to do anything about it; that he'd had no idea what had gone so horribly wrong.

But Maggie did. And God, had she fucked up.

_(Kara's wearing a cream-coloured sweater, a tartan skirt and her usual bright smile when Maggie opens Alex's door. Her hair's falling in its usual soft curls over her shoulder and, for all intents and purposes, she appears to have been awake for hours despite what the TV behind Maggie is spouting out- something about a multiple-car collision on the Southern-bound highway, about how Supergirl had been there for hours, clearing up the road and helping stranded commuters._

_It was enough to make anyone conscious of just how little they'd achieved in their morning._

_"_ _Hey Maggie," the girl chirrups, positively bouncing into the apartment, "where's Alex?"_

_"_ _Shower."_

_Kara nods, crossing over to the kitchen island and jumping onto one of the stools there, spinning idly._

_"_ _Busy morning, huh?" Maggie says, tilting her head towards the T.V. to where the morning news is still replaying multiple clips of Supergirl's various appearances across the city._

_"_ _Nothing more than normal," Kara replies, waving it off with a grin._

_"_ _So where are you and Alex off to today?" Maggie calls over her shoulder as she opens the fridge._

_"_ _Oh, it's just this press release that Catco was invited to. It's some sciency-genetics thing that Alex is good at so she said she'd help me."_

_Grabbing a bottle of water, Maggie shuts the fridge. "Sciency-genetics thing," she repeats, "right."_

_It's only as she sees the slightly taken aback expression on Kara's face that she realizes how short her reply had sounded. It's not that she's annoyed at Kara by any means, it's just that her and Alex's conversation from earlier is still playing out in her head; the promises they'd made to each other repeating on a loop._

_For one of the first times in her life, Maggie wasn't scared of the commitment that those promises bought._

_So why was she fixating on them?_

_Kara pushes her glasses back into position. "Um… you're not… annoyed that I'm stealing Alex away for today, are you?"_

_Maggie shakes her head quickly, drawing herself out of her thoughts, "Oh god, Kara, no. You're sisters; I don't ever want to be the person to stand in the way of that._

_Tilting her head slightly, Kara answers in an unconvinced voice, "okay… then what's the problem?"_

_"_ _No problem, alright? I just want you and Alex to have fun today."_

_It's a terrible attempt at a diversion, but while she frowns, Kara allows it. "Oh," she says suddenly, reaching for her bag and digging around, before pulling out a scrap of paper. "This is for you; I talked to James."_

_Maggie looks down. There's a date- one about two weeks away- a time, an address and a phone number she doesn't recognize. She skims the address over in her mind, before finally coming to a realization._

_78 5_ _th_ _Ave._

_But that was-_

_"_ _You managed to get a reservation at Portafino's?!"_

_Kara grins, unabashed and proud. "I got you a reservation," she confirms, "James knew the owners when it first opened, they seemed pretty eager for a favour."_

_Maggie whistles in appreciation. "You have good friends, little Danvers."_

_Alex had been talking about the food at Portafino's for months but, as it always seemed to be, the waiting list for a reservation was months in the making. Desperately, with Alex's birthday mere weeks away, she'd enlisted Kara's help. Successfully too, Maggie muses._

_She looks up. "I don't really know how to thank you."_

_Maggie had always wondered what made Kara's smile so genuine. Was it the sheer sincerity? The unreservedness? Or the mere fact that this girl- one who had witnessed the explosion of her planet and death of practically her entire race- could smile so broadly at seemingly such simple things? Either way, there was just something about it that was just so_ captivating _that it was almost entirely impossible not to smile along with her._

_"_ _Maggie," she says simply, "you're already doing it."_

_Maggie's saved from having to formulate a response by Alex striding into the room, dressed casually in a pair of jeans and usual dark jacket and rubbing a towel furiously through her wet hair._

_Kara turns to face her. "You all ready? We need to get going before the traffic gets any worse."_

_"_ _I'm ready, I'm ready, let's go," Alex says quickly, throwing her towel down by the couch; Kara and Maggie both stare at it with varying looks of dismay. "What?"_

_Kara frowns, muttering as she strides over to pick the damp towel up. "Just hang it up for once in your…" the rest of her words die out as she flashes away, reappearing by the door an instant later, bare-handed and exclaiming, "_ now _we can go."_

_Alex turns to Maggie, but all she offers is a teasing smile, gathering herself enough to say, "you heard Supergirl. Get going, Danvers."_

_But Alex hesitates at the door, looking back, her eyes uncertain._

_Maggie gives her a gentle smile. "See you later, Danvers.")_

"Hey," Winn's earnest voice breaks her out of her head, "hey, Alex is waking up."

"What?" Maggie's head jerks upwards, and she peers closer at the monitor she'd been sitting in front of for the past few hours. And sure enough, Alex's pale face on the screen is contorting slightly, her figure stiffening slightly as she seemingly becomes aware of where she is.

Maggie lets out a slow breath through her teeth. A weight lifts at seeing Alex awake and moving, but any relief Maggie had felt at seeing her conscious is dampened when her girlfriend starts jerking against the restraints, obviously panicked.

But then J'onn steps into the frame, and although there's no sound from the computer whatever he says is clearly enough to stop Alex from struggling.

It's horrible- so, so horrible- to only be watching from these screens rather than being down there helping Alex. But there's another matter that's splitting her concern; another person that demands her attention.

And that was one promise she had to keep.

"Do you think J'onn will get her to talk?" Winn asks after a while, looking up at her.

Maggie hesitates, remembering the look of confusion on Alex's face before med had tranq'd her. "I don't think she could even if she wanted to."

"What? But… but we need her to tell us what happened! We need her to tell us why Kara-"

"I know," she cuts across him sharply, "I know we do. And we will. But just… give her time, okay?"

She watches carefully as Winn's frown deepens, as his hands curl into fists on the desk, and when he next speaks his words are filled with a dark fury. "Like she gave Kara time?"

She knows that Winn doesn't understand; is aware that the DEO is probably alive with lies on the second-in-command going rogue and blowing up half of the base. But she won't have people slagging off Alex in front of her. She won't stand by and watch as the life of the person she cares about most in the world crumbles to pieces.

"Hey," Maggie says, quiet and firm, "you know Alex. You think she'd willingly hurt Kara like this, huh? Get that into your head before you start judgin-"

"Detective Sawyer." The commanding voice stops her in an instant. Whirling around, she straightens at the sight of J'onn returning. A quick glance back at the screen shows that Alex is once again alone in her cell and from the distant angle of the camera it's impossible to tell whether she's conscious or not. "With me," the director says, his tone offering no alternative.

Maggie gives Winn one last glare before following. J'onn leads her- in a roundabout way, she supposes, to avoid the destruction in the foyer- to his office. She's never actually seen it before, but isn't overly surprised to find it bare and impersonal, without any frames hanging from the grey walls or photographs on the desk, which is covered only in an excessive amount of files and a computer. The director of a secret government organization can't afford to give away any secrets after all, especially when that director is hiding significantly more than most. But it's dreary in a way that's almost energy-sapping.

Alex is the second-in-command, Maggie muses, so will this be her one day? Desperately hiding her personal life so that it can't be used against her?

J'onn makes his way to the desk, picking up one of the folders there and handing it to her with a wordless glance. "What's this?" she asks somewhat impatiently, but she wants to get back to keep an eye on Alex and to wait to hear about Kara.

"It's Alex's report on what happened a month ago."

Maggie flicks her eyes upwards. "A month ago?"

The look J'onn gives her says he's not fooled by her question. "You know as well as I do that whatever changed Alex happened as a result of the incident with K'nex Ltd."

Maggie opens the file- a brown folder filled with a sizeable stack of printed papers- and the first thing that draws her eye is a medical evaluation.

 _Alex's_ medical evaluation.

"The incident," she repeats softly.

"I'm under no illusions here. I know there's a lot of things that Alex has been hiding from me, but at the present time she's also unable to provide a proper answer-"

Maggie jerks slightly. "What? But med said she was fine, just-"

"She's confused, disoriented, and working through the effects of the drugs in her system. I'm not about to rely on her judgement at the moment."

"It sounds like you don't trust her," Maggie says quietly. Winn's accusing words are still ringing in her head, but she knows how close Alex and J'onn are. If he's given up on her too… Maggie wouldn't even know what to do.

But the Martian's eyes are merely sad when he looks at her. "I know Alex. I've helped her before, helped train and discipline her into one of the best agents we've got. And I know how much she cares about her sister. What we saw before, and who I just visited in that cell; that isn't Alex- or at least it isn't her right frame of mind. So no," he continues, "in the present circumstances, I don't trust her. Just like I don't trust that-" he points to the file in Maggie's hands-" to provide an accurate review of what happened that day."

"So why give it to me?"

"Because I believe that that report and what Agent Danvers has undeniably told you will be more than enough to paint a clear picture."

Maggie doesn't deny it; Alex had told her some of what happened, surely in more detail than she'd put into her report. But that still doesn't explain one thing…

"Why do you need to know what happened?"

J'onn rises to his full height, crossing his arms and looking so imposing that it's all she can do not to take a step away.

"Because I'm going to help her. As best I can."

It's a simple answer. Clear and to the point.

Maggie nods once, decisively, and begins to read.

_(Alex drives, and Kara settles herself in the passenger seat, shucking off her shoes and resting her feet on the dashboard. Alex had long ago given up telling her off for this, and instead is resigned to the sight of her sister's colourful- and more often than not, belonging to different pairs- socks just in her line of vision._

_Their first stop is the café just around the corner. There's a line practically out the door by the time they arrive but the coffee's strong and Kara is especially fond of the variety of pastries they offer, so they figure it's well worth the wait. Certainly, the traffic that grips Downtown at this time in the morning is that little bit more bearable with caffeine in Alex's system._

_"_ _Thank you for coming with me," Kara says after a while, stuffing another bit of cruller in her mouth._

_"_ _That's alright."_

_"_ _But it's your only day off, the last thing you probably want to do is be dragged of by your sister because she doesn't want to go to a press release by herself."_

_"_ _Kara," she looks over to the girl, "it's fine, seriously. It means I get to spend my day off with you."_

_Kara bites her lip, blue eyes anxious. "You're sure?"_

_Alex laughs, "what's going on with you? I agreed to come; I wouldn't've done that if I wasn't happy to."_

_"_ _I know that," Kara says, "I dunno… I just don't want you to be bored or anything."_

_"_ _Oh wow, Kar, tell me again what this thing's about?"_

_Her sister shoves the remaining pastry into her mouth, dusts off her hands, then fishes out her phone. "K'nex Ltd is a family-owned and operated company leading the world in innovative medicine," she reads from an email, "we represent the fundamental development in the area of ultraistic remedies to provide a stable solution to society's growing dependency on neurocrine pharmaceuticals."_

_"_ _Right," Alex cuts in, "and exactly how much of that did you understand?"_

_Kara's eyes glint. "The bit later on where they say there's free nibbles?"_

_Alex rolls her eyes, despite the answer being exactly what she'd expected. "K'nex is a small business," she explains, "but they've been around for ages. Supposedly it's been passed through the family for several generations."_

_"_ _What are they known for?"_

_Coming to a stop at an intersection, Alex answers, "not much. They've been working for years on finding drugs that combat the antibiotic-resistance crisis."_

_"_ _That's where infections are becoming immune to the common drugs there are, right?"_

_"_ _Right. But they haven't made any progress- no one has- until now, apparently."_

_Alex had first stumbled on the family-owned business in her final year of college. To a teenager fresh in her studies, completely firm in her ideals, it'd seemed like a revolutionary concept, fully worthy of her respect and support. She still considered it to be, but Alex was just more aware now of the sheer daunting task they were tackling; more skeptical of the means they were aiming to achieve it with._

_But then again, she's more skeptical about a lot of things now than her younger self had been._

_"_ _It'd be pretty amazing then," Kara says, "if they've managed to figure out a way to fix it."_

_"_ _Yeah… Amazing…" Even to her own ears, Alex's words seem distracted. It's no surprise to her when she sees her sister shoot her an appraising look from the corner of her eye._

_"_ _What were you and Maggie talking about this morning?" Kara asks eventually, licking sugar off her fingers._

_Alex frowns at her, but there's little anger behind it. Privacy was something she'd resigned herself to forgetting years ago. "You heard some of that, huh?"_

_Kara shakes her head vehemently, "no- I swear, but the way you left was just kinda weird and I was talking to Maggie a little bit before you came in and- and something happened?_

_Alex taps a finger against the steering wheel. "We just… had to talk a few things through."_

_"_ _You guys are fine though, right?"_

_Alex nods. "We're fine. Better than fine. Which is part of the problem."_

_She can hear the confusion in her sister's voice. "You're not making any sense."_

_Alex sighs. She doesn't know if she wants to talk about this with Kara- not because she doesn't trust her with what happened, but just because Alex herself hasn't fully come to terms with what she's feeling._

_She loves Maggie. She wants to spend the rest of her life with her. And so…_

_"_ _We were just talking this morning, about work."_

_"_ _The DEO?"_

_Alex hums. "My job's dangerous, and I've always accepted that. It's what always could happen in a job like this, but I just… I wanted to help people and find out what happened to Dad and look after you."_

_Kara's voice is soft. "You shouldn't have to make those sorts of decisions thinking about me."_

_"_ _God, Kara, I know that, but I still- I just," she rubs at her eyes, trying to put to words the emotions racing through her mind. "I just need to sort out what I want. Before things fall apart."_

_"_ _You know you'll always have me- and Maggie. You're never going to lose us."_

_Alex looks over at her sister, at her bright eyes, her determination and her kindness._

_"_ _I know… But what happens if you lose me?"_

_The look on Kara's face is almost physically painful to see. All of a sudden Alex is scrambling to say something to fill in the silence. "Hey- look- I'm just worrying too much. I'm not going to make any rash decisions, alright? So let's just go to this press release, you can find an amazing story, and we'll have fun, okay?"_

_Kara's obviously reluctant, but knowing that Alex isn't willing to talk about it anymore leaves her with little options._

_The rest of the drive is spent mostly in silence.)_

Maggie and J'onn are interrupted when Winn bursts into the room, holding his usual tablet in his hands and heaving in breaths. Maggie stiffens immediately, but neither of them have time to focus on the words they'd exchanged earlier. Because what he says next take priority over anything.

"Kara's out of surgery," Winn pants, "she's awake, and she's asking for Alex."

* * *

**This was supposed to have another scene here to really get the plot going, but I'd just written myself into a corner with having the next series of events from (spoiler, yay!) Kara's point of view, which, you know, she kinda needs to be conscious for.**

**THANK YOU once again for the support! If you could perhaps leave a review with you thoughts, feelings or hopes for the future, that'd be much appreciated :P**

**-F**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'M SORRY! I'm just so so so sorry about how long it took to get this chapter up. Uni's back, super busy, but I'll have the next chapter up a looot faster than this, I swear!**

**But look how looooong this chapter is! Longest I've ever done, I reckon, and that's with me cutting out heaps of stuff 'cos I was just getting so sick of it and wanted to get a chapter out.**

**Thank you, once again, for all your amazing comments and help. I can't say enough how much it means to me :)**

**I'll shut up now (so sorry, once again). Hope this chapter lives up to the wait!**

**...**

_ Chapter Three: _

Maggie has never seen Dr. Hamilton look so tired- triumphant perhaps, in the way she smiles slightly as they approach, but tired all the same.

That means there were complications right? If she looks so exhausted?

But of course there were complications. Because Kara's a freaking alien and, powers or not, that has to make things medically more difficult.

"How is she?" Maggie demands, coming to an abrupt stop in front of the DEO Head Doctor.

"Tired, in pain, confused," the woman responds, "but alive. The surgery- while more invasive than we would've liked- was ultimately successful."

"More invasive?" J'onn questions.

Hamilton nods, her face grim. "There were several shards of Kryptonite in that makeshift bomb. They'd imbedded themselves quite deeply in her chest." From her pocket she pulls out a small container; J'onn takes it carefully, holding it up to analyze the small shards of what look so deceptively like a dark crystal. It's only as it catches the light that Maggie sees the glint of green; the sign of its more alien nature.

It'd been a bomb specifically designed for Supergirl as its target.

_Oh Alex…_

"But…" Winn pipes up from a few steps away, his face pale, "she's fine now, right?"

Dr. Hamilton hesitates, and Maggie's heart plummets. "She'll be fine in time. We acted as fast as we could, but the prolonged exposure to the Kryptonite in her system has resulted in her Solar Flaring."

"She doesn't have her powers?"

Hamilton shakes her head. "No, and unfortunately, as well as significantly slowing down her healing time, it means she's susceptible to all potential infections and effects of her injuries- perhaps even more so, considering that she has no immunity to even the simplest bacteria. But we have her under the sunlamps now and we're monitoring her closely. The fact that she's even conscious means that she's fighting. Barring any unforeseen consequences, I'm hopeful she'll regain her powers and make a full recovery."

A grim silence settles then, as the full weight of the doctor's words hits them all. From Maggie's perspective, it's just simply too hard to imagine Kara as anything less than the bubbly superhero she usually is. Alex had told her the limits of the Kryptonian's powers, one night after a particularly close call, but there'd been very few times Maggie had ever actually seen the terrible effects.

"Can we see her?" J'onn asks.

Hamilton frowns slightly. "Only two at a time, not for very long, and I cannot stress this enough: it's imperative that she stay calm, understand?" she turns to J'onn, her face hesitant. "She's been asking for Alex…"

"Not possible at this time," he says immediately. The doctor bites her lip, but offers little other protest.

J'onn steps forward, taking a moment to beckon Maggie forward, and together they follow Hamilton into Kara's room.

* * *

Ever since Maggie had learnt about Kara's powers, she'd had a constant struggle to balance the image of Alex's dorky little sister against the hero that was plastered across headlines and the front pages of newspapers and magazines.

Kara hid it well, but a pair of glasses and forced clumsiness couldn't quite hide the sense of otherworldly power in her blue eyes, or the strength that sometimes crept into the girl's posture when she wasn't concentrating. Some things, Maggie guessed, were too ingrained in a person's character to be fully denied.

But at this moment, she'd never seen Kara look quite so far from Supergirl.

Someone had changed her out of her uniform into one of the pale blue med robes, and it makes Kara's skin appear even more washed out than blood loss could've possibly caused. Her normally golden curls lie limp against the pillow, framing her face in a dull copper halo. But what struck Maggie the most is just how completely still the girl is. Gone is the undeniable power that seemed to thrum through her very veins. Gone was the bravado that made her such a formidable fighter.

Now, she appeared simply like just a young girl; hurt, alone and scared.

Maggie thinks Kara's given into unconsciousness once again when they enter, but the girl's eyes flutter open, blinking with glazed eyes against the gentle light from the sun lamps. And, despite the obvious pain she's experiencing herself, the first thing she does is gasp at the colorful array of bruises decorating J'onn's face.

"J'onn, are you alright?"

Maggie doesn't blame her; bruises and swelling are almost painful to look at, but it's still so unbelievable to see Kara express concern over an injury so meaningless in the face of her own.

"It's nothing you have to worry about," he says, stepping closer to her bedside.

Kara turns to her instead, wincing against some internal strain. "Maggie?"

"Hey- yeah, I'm here," she responds, stepping forward quickly.

"Where's Alex?"

Maggie looks up at J'onn, completely unsure as to how to respond. Distantly, she's aware of Dr. Hamilton shifting slightly in the corner she'd respectfully held back in.

"We've got her," Maggie eventually says, "she's here, and we're helping her as best as we can."

"It wasn't her- please," Kara's eyes shift to J'onn, "you have to believe that."

Her words are laced with a frantic exhaustion, and it's not hard to see how ragged her breathing has gotten even in the short time they've been there and Maggie's all too aware of Hamilton's orders to keep Kara calm. With that in mind she takes Kara's hand in her own, the difference in their temperatures yet another example of how things are so horribly, horribly wrong, and whispers to her softly.

"No one here's blaming Alex," she puts the memory of Winn's accusing comments to the back of her mind, "we just want to help her- and you."

Maggie's well aware that her words are practically identical to those which J'onn had used to reassure her earlier but, if she's being honest, she'd be willing to tell Kara anything if it'd offer her one degree of comfort.

The girl swallows slightly, and even this small motion looks like it requires an inordinate amount of effort. Her hand, the one that's not gripped in Maggie's own drifts down to her chest, where beneath the blankets the Detective can just make out the bulge that can only be masses of bandages.

"I tried to help her."

Maggie squeezes Kara's hand tighter. "We both did."

"It was my fault."

"No," she states firmly, "you're not to blame for this."

"You don't understand…" Kara says breathlessly, her eyes pained and glassy, "I did this. It… it all happened because of me."

( _Despite what Alex had said about the potential significance of K'Nex's claims, there's actually very few people in attendance when they first walk in._

_There's a podium at the front, and a few reporters milling around a table sporting a coffee jug, what appears to be orange juice, and several precarious stacks of paper cups, but there's actually very few people Kara can recognize. It's such a far cry from the last press release she'd been to, with the release of Jack Spheer's Nano-technology and the auditorium packed with people, that Kara blinks, standing uncertainly by the door while Alex lets out a dry, "well, this is inspiring."_

_She gives her sister a gentle shove, before making her way towards an empty couple of seats, beckoning Alex to follow when it looks like she's hesitating._

_"_ _You know any of these people?" Alex asks as she takes the seat to Kara's right, nodding her head towards the others in attendance._

_Kara furrows her brow as she scans the people around them, her sensitive ears also searching for a familiar cadence or speech pattern. But, just like she'd suspected when they'd first entered, they're surrounded only by strangers. She shakes her head. "But I'm not who Catco usually sends to these sorts of things."_

_"_ _Why are you the one here?"_

_"_ _Oh, I just owed someone a favour. He covered for me for that whole Oklides debacle last week."_

_Alex snorts, no doubt remembering the mess the DEO was still cleaning up from their latest alien convict. The last Kara had seen, Winn was still trying to figure out how to clean the toxic orange ooze from James' suit._

_"_ _Well," her sister comments, her tone more reminiscent of someone struggling to contain their usual sarcasm, "I reckon you totally got the better deal here, Kar, I mean look," she nods towards the rapidly emptying food table, "that guy there just took four cookies. Imagine how many you'd be able to sneak."_

_Kara hums, looking appraisingly towards the food remaining, then back towards the bags now resting at their feet. Alex's could probably fit a fair few in there…_

_"_ _Oh, no no, no way. It was just a suggestion, Kara Danvers, and you're not using my favourite bag as a smuggling means. This is exactly what mum means when she calls me a bad influence-"_

_"_ _I'm sorry to interrupt," comes a sudden voice, abruptly ending their conversation. Kara blinks, smiling reflexively up at the stranger, then blinks again when she registers his appearance. It's not that he cuts an especially strange figure; his dark hair curls softly to just above his shoulders, high cheekbones casting soft shadows and a strong jaw covered in a shade of stubble. But it's his eyes, a green so pale they appear almost grey, that are startling. The man smiles gently. "But I couldn't help but overhear; are you Kara Danvers? From Catco magazine?"_

_Kara grins, polite yet questioning. "I am?"_

_The man nods, bringing a hand out of his coat pocket to offer her. She shakes it, ever more gently when she hears the rapid beat of his heart, can feel the increased pressure as it thrums beneath his skin. He's nervous, but not about meeting her, thank goodness. She catches the sharp movements of his piercing eyes, the minute glances he's throwing to their surroundings. He's uncomfortable here, she realizes, her curiosity piquing. What kind of reporter wouldn't be at ease in a place like this?_

_"_ _Oh, uh, this is my sister, Alex."_

_Alex smiles politely, and shakes the man's hand, but her eyes are filled with the usual wariness that life as her sister and a DEO agent has enhanced._

_"_ _Are you a reporter as well?" the man asks, shoving his hands back into the pockets of the dark coat he's folded into._

_Alex shakes her head. "I work for the government, but in college I studied bio-engineering. I'm just here to help Kara."_

_"_ _Oh? And what do you think of what K'nex is trying to claim?"_

_Kara glances at her sister as Alex tilts her head, considering the man and the potential motives. "I think they're trying to achieve what are lot of people are trying. If they've managed it," she shrugs, "then that's great. But there's been very little progress on this front even in the world's leading pharmaceuticals so until they provide solid evidence, I don't buy it."_

_To his credit, the man absorbs this with little more reaction than a raised eyebrow and a contemplative nod. "It's a common perspective," he responds, "but a rather negative one, in my opinion."_

_"_ _Well, let's just say it's easier being surprised rather than disappointed."_

_The man laughs at this, to Kara's great relief, and it's a strange mixture of humor and agreement- there's a slight hitch at the end, as if he's biting off his voice, as if his brain suddenly realizes the truth in the words._

_Once again, it's an interesting frame of mind, and there's a part of Kara that almost wants to focus on him instead, on finding out his story. Because if there was anything that Snapper Carr had managed to solidify in her mind, it was that everyone had one._

_"_ _Sometimes you've just gotta sift through the societal clichés," he would've growled at her._

_"_ _You could sit with us, if you wanted?" she says in a rush, pushing the rim of her glasses further up._

_She can feel Alex's stare, but keeps her gaze on the man's wide eyes, as if an offer to join someone isn't one he's been on the receiving end all too often. "Oh, wow, thank you, but uh," he jerks his thumb over his shoulder, towards the podium, and gives a small grin, "I've actually got to go up there. Thank you though, I'll look out for you guys later."_

_And with that, he retreats before they can get another word in. Kara stares, mouth slightly open as, taking a small stack of papers from his bag, the man starts setting out his things on the podium._

_In the slight noise as the people around them start taking their seats and starting various recording devices, Kara turns to her sister. "Is he-?"_

_Alex's face is slightly apologetic. "Looks like it."_

_"_ _So did we just-?"_

_"_ _Yep."_

_Kara slumps in her seat. She can already hear the berating Cat will give her if she doesn't come back with any facts because she was too busy making things awkward between her and the apparent head speaker. But it's fine, she tells herself as she presses start on the recording on her phone, because it hadn't been too bad- maybe it could've been better, but she hasn't burnt any bridges yet._

_Alex reaches across and grips gives her hand a squeeze. "Sorry."_

_"_ _No," Kara replies immediately, "he asked for your opinion; you said what you believed. I won't ever blame you for that, Lex."_

_Her sister looks like she wants to say something more, but then the man gives the room a small smile, and starts talking._

_"_ _Hello, and thank you for coming today. My name is Carter Montgomery and, along with my father," he nods his head towards a man at the front. Kara crans her neck, but just barely catches a glimpse of a tall man, strongly built, with greying dark hair, before Carter continues speaking, "we are the current directors of K'nex Ltd."_

_The door behind them swings open, and a couple of heads turn in its direction as a late straggler sneaks in. Carter Montgomery patiently waits for the door to finish groaning shut and for the slightly blushing reporter, her eyes fixed to the floor, to find a seat._

_"_ _I assume you all would've read the invitational address that was sent out, and judging by the number of empty seats here, you've come to the conclusion that our latest attempts to tackle the drug immunity crisis have been unsuccessful."_

_He's not trying to deny or whining about how unpopular his company is. He's facing it, headfirst and steadfast and unwavering. It's… brave._

_"_ _And we'd like to report that our efforts in this area have remained, for the large part, just as you've predicted; unsuccessful."_

_A ripple of laughter echoes through the room, and Kara frowns. Carter doesn't really react though, but he can't hear what Kara can; the exasperated sighs, the people already packing up and the ones muttering about the wasted time and effort it took to get here. They're all dismissing him, and Carter's just standing there, accepting it._

_She shoves her hand in the air, and listens as surprise spreads through the room._

_"_ _Yes, Miss Danvers?" Carter says, those strange eyes wide and surprised._

_She holds the room's entire attention now, and can feel how this has made Alex tense up at her side. "Ah, yes, I'd-" she stands, "I'd just like to ask, how do you personally feel about your progress?"_

_Carter's brows furrow. "How do I feel?"_

_Kara nods. "Yes, I think that all too often, progress is judged relative to what other's think should have been achieved in that time. I'm asking for your personal opinion."_

_There's silence for a few moments, and when he speaks, Carter's words are measured. "I think… progress on this front in any situation will be difficult. We've made some discoveries, as have several other companies, and I'm hopeful that that will continue."_

_"_ _So maybe if you had more support- not just necessarily monetary- you might have more success on this front?"_

_There's another long moment of quiet. "Yes… I believe that would be true."_

_She smiles in success, nods once, and sits back down. The room remains silent, until Carter smiles back at her and looks to the rest of the chairs._

_"_ _Okay. If there's no more questions, then that is the end of today's brief. Thank you all for coming, and I hope to see you sometime in the future."_

_Alex stares at her. "That was ballsy."_

_"_ _You reckon?"_

_"_ _Well yeah, it was awesome."_

_There's a lightness in her chest that Kara only feels when she's done something Alex is proud of. It's childish, and probably not the best in terms of her self-reliance, but something she continuously strives for._

_She grins, reaching for her bag. "Okay, we've still got the rest of the day, you wanna go find some lunch-?"_

_"_ _I'm interrupting again."_

_Kara turns, pleased, but not entirely unsurprised, to find it's Carter. Behind him is a man Kara vaguely recognizes from what little she'd seen of him before as his father. He's tall, far taller than Kara, and shares the same strong features and pale, piercing eyes as his son. There's something sharper in his smile though, when he extends his hand to shake her own, that has Kara tensing._

_"_ _Kara Danvers. Christian Montgomery. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."_

_"_ _Oh, uh wow, I didn't know I anyone was so eager to meet me."_

_"_ _Of course! You always present an interesting angle" his gaze moves to where Alex is standing at her side, "but you must be the sister, yes, Carter briefly told me about you too."_

_Alex grips his hand, but Kara can tell that whatever unknown reservations she has about this man her sister is feeling too, if just because Alex is choosing to remain unresponsive and cool rather than dignify him with an answer._

_Mr. Montgomery looks instead to Kara. "I'd like to personally thank you for your question just then. It's not very often a small company like us receives support from a media representative like yourself."_

_There's a slight lilt to his words, barely noticeable except to her sharp ears, but enough that it has Kara wondering as to where this man's exactly from. Maybe somewhere like Iceland? With those uncommon eyes?_

_She waves off his words. "No please, those guys weren't playing nice. You didn't deserve that."_

_"_ _Not many people care what others deserve," Carter responds from behind his father's imposing form, quiet enough that Kara isn't entirely sure Alex would've be able to hear. The slight turn of his head and flash in his eyes tell Kara that Christian, however, did._

_"_ _Because of that," he says, "we'd be honored to have Catco write an editorial about us- written by you, of course, Ms. Danvers. K'nex is a small business, and we'd be appreciate any media attention given to us."_

_"_ _Oh wow," Kara fiddles with the edge of her glasses, shifting her stance slightly, "that's a very generous offer, sir, and I'm flattered- really."_

_"_ _Of course, we'd be completely willing to provide you access to our primary labs. I'd be happy to give you and your sister a personal tour, in fact."_

_Kara blinks. "Right now?"_

_"_ _Hmm," Christian turns to his son, who merely stares back at him, "I don't see why not. Unless you have other plans, of course."_

_She immediately looks to Alex. "Would you mind just giving us a second to talk it over?"_

_At his nod, her and Alex step away a few paces. She can tell immediately from the look on her sister's face that Alex is wary._

_Rightfully so, Kara muses, she hadn't grown to be such a successful agent by letting her guard down._

_"_ _I just- I don't like it, Kara."_

_"_ _I know, I don't really either," she looks back over her shoulder, but Carter and his father aren't even looking over at them, "but they don't seem dangerous. The father's kinda creepy, but we'll be careful. We'll call J'onn and let him know where we are. We'll stick together and keep our eyes open. It'll be fine."_

_Alex gives her a look._

_"_ _Okay, you're badass, and I have laser-vision. I think we can do anything."_

_"_ _If that was true, Maggie and I wouldn't have a job anymore."_

_Kara bounces slightly. "Oh, come on, Alex, aren't you curious?"_

_The fact that Alex hesitates is answer enough, and Kara grins in triumph._

_"_ _Fine," Alex sighs, "but I'm calling J'onn first. I'm going to have him on standby, so if anything goes wrong you know he'll overreact and probably call Clark to come bail us out."_

_Kara rolls her eyes in amusement. "No he won't, he still hasn't forgiven Clark for the damage he caused last time he was at the DEO."_

_"_ _That was you as well, Kara Danvers, J'onn knows it was you."_

* * *

_Carter Montgomery and his father guide them towards a restricted carpark, and then towards an outrageously blue car. Kara knows Alex is still on guard, as she undoubtedly always is, and she herself remains slightly unsure. But Mr. Montgomery is still happily prattling on about one of his theories- unaware, perhaps, of how little his small audience is paying attention- and their car is so conspicuously bright that it's hard to see them as any sort of threat._

_At least, that's what Kara tells herself._

_She knows this is a risk, knows that this isn't what Alex had had in mind when she'd agreed to come along today and that it really isn't fair to ask her to do this. But there's a story already playing in the shadowy edges of her consciousness, an idea forming with increasing intensity, and she just knows this will be something she'll regret later if they don't pursue it fully now._

_Isn't this what she promised herself when she chose a reporting career? To pursue a story, no matter how small, if she felt like it deserved recognition?_

_Didn't Carter and his father deserve even this small agreement to help?_

_Alex is sitting on her right, and she's got her phone in a firm grip. She'd called J'onn updating them on where they were going, who they were with and how long they were expecting to be there. He'd responded by telling them to stay on guard, for Alex to keep her phone on hand and to call if anything went wrong._

_There was a message there that Kara understood even just hearing this through Alex; J'onn would only relax his guard when they'd called again to confirm their safety. Until then, Kara knew, the Martian would be looking out for them._

_So with her powers, and the combined forces of the best the DEO has to offer, what could possibly go wrong?_

* * *

_It takes roughly twenty-five minutes to arrive at K'nex's primary lab, enough time for them to get to a series of low-built just outside of the city, closer to the docks more than anything._

_Kara knows enough about independent research labs to know that security and privacy is paramount, so she isn't entirely surprised when they encounter several armed guards and entry protocols that involve a handheld scan for metals and a look through their bags. They don't try to take either of their phones though, which is a relief to them both, but as they enter through the doors it's impossible not to miss the security camera lenses winking in the corners, tracking their each and every move._

_Kara looks around. K'nex's lab is obviously not as high-budget as Alex's back at the DEO; she can recognize more of the machines than the very few she can't. Its off-white walls glow dimly in the overhead lights, illuminating the small space packed almost completely with various tables. And while there's a myriad of experiments seemingly in progress, there's no one attending to them; the four of them are alone, it seems. Kara wants to slow down, to analyze each and every part of what's going on, but Mr. Montgomery urges them almost immediately towards the back of the room, to where a set of double doors sit inconspicuously._

_Kara scans the room quickly, but apart from Alex's strides behind her and Carter's own- slightly hesitant?- footsteps, they're indeed alone. A subtle blink with her x-ray vision shows very little as well, simply what appears to be, if the impenetrable lead counterweights are what they seem to be, an elevator to a lower level._

_That's apparently where Montgomery seems intent on leading them, and now Kara's steps are hesitant. She's not overly fond of underground spaces, dark and so far from the warmth of the sun. She'd much rather the bright and airy space of her loft, or of the offices in Catco. She shoves her apprehensiveness down, blaming it on Alex's own unease rubbing off on her, and enters the elevator when the doors trundle open._

_Alex steps in beside her, Carter following, and his father bringing up rear, pressing the button to take them down to the only other level._

_"_ _Now this is really special," Mr. Montgomery is saying, "this is where we keep several of our ongoing projects. Antibiotic resistance is our primary focus, of course, but we do mingle with other areas as we go along."_

_The elevator starts moving, jolting its way downwards, and a gasp tumbles from Kara's lips._

_A strange mixture of pain and exhaustion pulling deep at her bones._

_She knows this this feeling, recognizes the effects with an equal measure of dread._

_Because only Kryptonite can make her feel like this, and the implications of that are too difficult for her to consider._

_Alex is at her side in an instant, a steady hand on her elbow, whispering, "Kara, hey, what's wrong?"_

_Kara can barely answer. There's a fire burning in her lungs, and every rapid breath scorches her veins, but she has just enough presence of mind to remember the others that are there. She forces herself to straighten, despite the exhaustion curling her spine. "Sorry," she gasps, the smile on her face probably little more than a grimace, "not such a fan of enclosed spaces."_

_Alex's hand is still on her elbow, and she feels it tighten enough to almost be painful. Kara looks up, trying to convey to her sister the pain she's in and how they have to get out_ now _but her throat is closing up in the horrifyingly familiar way and she can't_ breathe _._

_Distantly, she can hear Alex talking, probably trying to draw away attention, but then the next thing she knows is that there's a hand on her chin, forcing her face up, and Kara has just enough time to see Carter's face, his jaw set harshly and a myriad of emotions in his piercing eyes, before someone- Alex, presumably- shoves him away._

_"_ _Don't_ touch _her, you son of a bitch."_

_She knows what he's seen though, as pain lances up her face, that it can only mean that a corresponding river of green must be rippling across her skin, visible to practically everyone._

_"_ _She's Kryptonian," Carter yells out, dropping his hand and backing into the wall of the elevator. Kara can't quite identify the emotions in his voice; it's not disgust, at least, but not outright fear either. Maybe something more akin to apprehensiveness?_

_In the next instant, the elevator trembles to a step, and Kara flings her hand out, using her dwindling strength to force open the doors and pull her and Alex away from the other two. It's a desperate attempt to get away from whatever source the Kryptonite is being emitted from, but a vain one. Because second she has to gather her bearings- a smaller room than the one above, darker too, no windows or exits except the elevator they just used to get down, lit only by dangling industrial lights that do little but create more shadowy corners- is a second in which another wave of nausea just_ rolls  _over her._

_She shoves Alex behind her, preparing for an attack of some sort, but Carter and his father merely take a few steps forward, out of the elevator and into the room._

_"_ _Well," Christian Montgomery says, "this is an unexpected development.")_

Kara stops talking abruptly, shifting onto her side and groaning slightly and beside her, a machine beeps as if in protest. It's painfully obvious that all this talking has taken more strength than she currently has, and suddenly Maggie's overcome by a wave of guilt at forcing her to do so.

Hamilton pushes past her and J'onn. "That's enough. She's in too much pain for your interrogations. Get out- get out  _now_."

"No no-" Kara says, gripping Maggie's hand only the more tighter, "Alex- I wanna talk to Alex."

"Kara, you know that can't happen right now-"

"No! Please, I jus' wanna see her."

Her words are slurring together now, exhaustion dragging at the edges, and it's hard- just so damn hard- to see the girl who's saved the world an unknowable amount of times reduced to this.

But the love she felt for those she cared about would always be Kara's weakness.

And right now it was crippling her, more than her actual injuries ever could.

Maggie pushes back against Hamilton's insistent grip. "Kara- I'll look after her, I swear- Kara-"

But then the girl gives another cry of pain, crumpling back onto her bed with her hands clutching her stomach and writhing under some horrible, internal pain.

Hamilton returns to her patient's side, and this time it's J'onn that's gripping Maggie's shoulder, stopping her from running back to bed. She manages to get one last look though, sees the pain and exhaustion and worry that's twisted Kara's face, before the door swings shut with a horrible sense of finality.

And then, once again, it's just her and J'onn.

* * *

Alex has no account for time.

The seconds drag for an eternity and her minutes bleed into each other until the only thing that marks the passing of time is her increasing difficulty to focus her mind and the pain that radiates with each rapid beat of her heart.

The doctor's have been in twice, each time taking a sample of blood and to note something about her rising temperature, but barely make eye contact let alone speak to her.

She doesn't need their muttered comments to know something's wrong with her. There's a part of her mind, horribly familiar, that's telling her in sly whispers of how she's been here before. Recently.

She needs… she just needs  _something_.

" _You've been keeping secrets_ ," J'onn had told her.

" _Stop Alex, just don't come any closer_ ," Maggie had begged.

And Kara… she couldn't stop thinking about Kara.

And the memories. The memories of hell.

* * *

**So, lot's happening in this chapter. Kinda moves on with the story, but obviously there's still lots to come before we reach the present time stuff.**

**Bleh, I'm not too happy with the timing or dialogue in this chapter, but hey, maybe I'll do some rewrites once I've finished this monster.**

**Thank you soo much for reading, if you could leave a comment telling me what you think, or ways to improve (desperately needed here, I reckon :p) it'd be amazing. Next chapter definitely won't take as long, haha.**

**-F**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sooooo... umm... hi?**

**It's been a crazy long time since I've updated this story, and for that I'm just so so sorry guys. I know I said I'd have this chapter up quickly and I know it's been, like, a month and a half or so? So yeah, I suck. I got a few messages from people concerned that I'd abandoned this story; you're all so sweet and caring, and thank you so much for your support. Apparently I lie about when an update will happen, but I promise promise promise that I will finish this story. It'll happen guys, just give me time.**

**Big shout out today to fandomlove17 for being the nudges/gentle shoves I needed to complete this chapter. You, my friend, are definitely the reason this update happened.**

**I googled the medical stuff needed for this chapter. I'm a sleep-deprived law student, it's probably terribly wrong. I apologize sincerely for that, but I hope it at least blends in with the context enough to be somewhat ignored.**

**Anyho, I won't ramble. Long chapter (wow guys, this is the longest chapter I've ever written and I'm actually super like, _whoah_ ), hope it somewhat lives up to the wait :)**

**...**

_Chapter four:_

The instant they're pushed out of Kara's hospital room, J'onn moves. Vaguely, he's aware of Maggie following him, taking the time to stop and reassure the few that were waiting that yes, Kara is conscious and relatively alright but no, Hamilton probably wouldn't let anyone else in to see her.

Probably for the best, J'onn thinks, because after seeing Kara himself, after hearing her story, there's anger running like fire through his veins, as strong as he hasn't felt in years.

He'd promised Jeremiah Danvers all that time ago that he'd look after his two daughters. Alex; with her fire and absolute independence and fierce determination to look after her sister. And Kara, who'd witnessed the explosion of her planet, felt the shockwaves that came with the realization that, apart from her infant cousin, she was all alone in the universe.

And there were times where he'd failed- after all, far be it for him to decide how Alex and Kara wanted to live their lives.

But he'd never failed quite this spectacularly.

Because this is something more. Something dark, horrible and twisted and-

He doesn't know how to fix it. Doesn't really know what to do at all, if he's being honest. Which, quite frankly, is unacceptable for the Director of an intelligence agency.

He should be able to start with making sure that the people responsible were punished, but that was one of the biggest problems.

"Give me the latest update on the Montgomery's," he orders, striding into the control room. At this late hour, there's only a handful of agents that are still here, and even these few appear pale-faced and drawn, their eyes glazed in the light from the computers.

One steps forward, apparently equal parts brave and foolish enough to deliver the bad news J'onn guesses is coming. "There's nothing new to report, sir. No sightings on our systems, no reports either from the police or Bureau's scans. All media regarding K'nex is silent."

J'onn's hands clench where they hang at his side, but he remains silent, reigning in the anger pulsing through his veins. These agents aren't who should bear the brunt of his frustration. No, that he'll save for when he gets his hands on the two men responsible for all this chaos.

Which he will. Once he figures out how Christian and Carter Montgomery have seemingly fallen right off the face of the earth.

It's a good thing then, he supposes, that J'onn has far more experience with the worlds beyond this one, too.

* * *

These are the things that Kara knows:

She's in pain. A horrifying, debilitating pain, the likes of which she hasn't felt before. But it's funny, though, because even as she's thinking this and even as her veins burn like fire, her mind's somehow separate.

Maybe that's because of the drugs the woman she'd distantly recognized as Dr. Hamilton had injected into her veins. Maybe it's because she's Kryptonian, and so the pain meds aren't affecting her like they'd expected. Maybe-

Maybe it's because her mind's just that conflicted, that torn apart.

Regardless, while her body is ravaged by a pain she seemingly can't even comprehend, weakened is a way she's never experienced before, the memories return. Were they always this horrible? Or have they been somehow worsened by her injuries; exaggerated by the drugs that are spreading through her system?

She doesn't know.

But there's one thing, like she'd told Maggie, she's sure of:

She's to blame for this. For all of it.

( _It's like she's back in the Phantom Zone, with the echoing recesses of silence just going on and on and on._

_Kara still has a firm grip on Alex's arm, and she can feel the steely tension in her sister's muscles, the perfect readiness for a fight, but Christian Montgomery and his son remain a fair distance away, close enough to the elevator that she and Alex would have to physically brush past them if they wanted to exit that way._

_"_ _My son always questioned me in reinforcing the security of this lab with Kryptonite," Christian says, looking somewhat triumphant, "but I always said- didn't I always say?!- that something like this would happen. They'd never let us hide forever." He says those final words with eyes only for his son, but Carter looks like he barely registers them; he's just still staring at Kara, his strange eyes wide and unblinking._

_"_ _You're Supergirl?" Carter breathes, so quietly that Kara almost doesn't hear him over the drumming of her heart in her ears._

_A wave of panic washes over her, the kind that always comes when she's fumbled with her cover. And she doesn't know exactly how to respond; whether to deny it entirely, claim to be another surviving Kryptonian, rather than from the infamous House of El, or to nod her head and hope that her reputation is enough to make them sufficiently cautious._

_And this is the part she's always hated; the lying, the constant need to check herself before she speaks, lest there's something that could potentially give her away in her words. Kal-El had told her a long time ago, with a sympathetic smile and eyes that couldn't fully understand, that she'd grow used to it. Eliza and Jeremiah had nudged her gently with a pair of glasses and a new last name and Alex, Alex would always remind her that not everyone in the universe was as understanding as her family._

_Which irked her a bit, honestly, because of course she knew that the world wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Just because she chose to see the good in people didn't mean she wasn't aware of the bad._

_She just hadn't expected to see it so readily in Christian and Carter Montgomery._

_She opens her mouth, but doesn't have the chance to say anything before Christian Montgomery cuts across her. "It doesn't matter now," he says, his eyes scanning rapidly over the many things in the room, and Kara feels Alex take a step closer in readiness when he makes his way over to one of the tables pushed against the side wall and retrieves a small, silver case, a few inches larger than his hand._

_It's also lead-lined, making it impossible for Kara to make out what's inside._

_"_ _Grab whatever you need," he says over his shoulder, "we're getting out of here."_

_Carter hesitates for a second, before doing as his father had asked, sparing them one last look before grabbing the nearest laptop and shoving it, along with several stacks of paper, into a black satchel. It's curious though, because as he's doing so Carter keeps throwing these minute glances to various points around the room. Kara follows his gaze and, with a blink of her x-ray vision, manages to make out about what he's seemingly subconsciously looking towards; about half a dozen small boxes, around the size of her fist, spread evenly along the four walls of the bunker._

_A cool feeling of dread settles in Kara's bones as she sees- or rather, doesn't see- that they're infused with lead, just like the case Christian had grabbed just before. It's almost like they've prepared this lab for a siege- a siege from Kryptonians very specifically. But surely that can't be right, because the exact abilities and weaknesses of her and Kal-El's bodies are a blacklisted military secret._

_So maybe it's just a coincidence, a precautionary safety measure._

_But that didn't explain why Carter was paying them such particular attention now._

_She wants to say something, to bring it to Alex's attention, but her sister speaks before she has the chance to. "Okay, look," Alex says firmly, her voice cold and even, fully back into the persona of the steely DEO agent, "you know something about us. And the fact that you know and have possession of Kryptonite means there's more to you too. So why don't you just let us get out of here, and we'll both forget about each other, okay?"_

_"_ _No, no," Christian says immediately, his towering form thrumming with a frantic energy, "because if she is Supergirl," he spits out the word like curse, jerking his head towards where Kara's standing, doubled over slightly, "then she works for some big, unknown government agency. They won't stop looking for us now, they'll never stop looking for us."_

_"_ _That's not true," Kara pipes up, groaning as she forces herself to stand tall. She can't tell where or how much Kryptonite is in the room around them, and despite the tolerance she's somewhat developed Kara can't control the shakiness to her knees and stiffness to her breath. "I know what it's like to be hunted, and I know what it's like to always be looking over your shoulder. That's not a life I would wish on anyone."_

_"_ _You think this is something that I want?! For myself, for my son?!"_

_"_ _You're thinking like you only have one choice," Alex takes a step forward, her hands extended slightly like she's placating a spooked animal, "when you don't. You haven't done anything yet. So just leave, make the right decision and we'll both forget what happened down here."_

_That's when Carter intervenes, disbelief colouring his voice, "the only people that speak like that are the ones who've always had a choice," he forces out a strained laugh, "when look at the one you've forced us into," he gestures to the lab, "leave all this behind. Again," he looks to his father. "I'm just so sick of it all, I don't want to run anymore."_

_Kara looks up. "Anymore?"_

_But the elder Montgomery merely laughs, and it's a horrible, broken sound; a strange juxtaposition too, as he runs a hand through his greying hair, against the clean-cut and put-together man they'd first been introduced to earlier. "My son has had more experience with the way the world really is, more than I'd ever have liked," he holds out his hands, palms up like he's asking for salvation, "there is no justice, unless we make it for ourselves."_

_Alex's voice is like steel and Kara feels, rather than sees, how her hands have curled slightly into fists. "Turn around. And leave. Forget what's happened here, and we'll do the same. Last chance."_

_And it's then that Christian Montgomery looks directly at Alex, dead in the eye, and says simply, "no."_

_And then, with a sickening feeling of dread, they watch as with a soft click he releases the latches on the small, silver case he'd retrieved before._

_That's when Alex starts to say something, tugging at Kara's shoulder. "Kara-"_

_She never does find out what her sister was about to ask for._

_Because then they finally learn what's in the case. And her heartrate skyrockets._

_Everything had already spiraled out of control enough without a gun in the mix._

_It's nowhere near the first time a gun's been pointed her way. And it definitely won't be the last. She's so used to it now that there's actually a part of her that almost wants to laugh. And yeah, maybe that's what Alex and Eliza mean when they tell her she's sometimes too cocky and that there'll come a time where her confidence will come back to haunt her._

_Surely she could've learnt that lesson without putting Alex at risk too._

_Carter releases a startled breath. "Dad-"_

_"_ _Carter. Get over here now."_

_"_ _But you can't seriously-"_

_"_ _Carter." The elder Montgomery's voice is firm and unyielding, leaving no room for argument, and it's obvious from the way that Carter slowly makes his way to his father's side that he'll offer no more in the way of resistance. Kara's struck suddenly with the memory of how, only hours ago, he'd stood in front of a crowd full of unbelieving reporters, impassive in the face of their scrutiny. She'd respected him in that moment. She doesn't know how she feels now; the only thing Kara's fully aware of is the way the Kryptonite is burning through her veins and the gun now held in Christian's hands._

_There's a split second where it's like the word's fallen still- or maybe just fallen away completely, and they're left with the endless, infinite space and time and then-_

_Christian spins around, impossibly fast. Was that his movements that seemed so inhumanly quick? Or was it the Kryptonite slowing down her reactions, reducing her perception?_

_She doesn't have the chance to decide, because then he fires two shots._

_The first, Kara pushes herself forward, thrusting her arm up and deflecting the bullet towards the side._

_The second, grazes just below Kara's arm, and her skin is still unbreakable enough with these plain bullets that it ricochets slightly; no longer directly at them, but downwards._

_And Kara flails slightly, seeing its target, but not fast enough to stop it from burying into Alex's leg and she can hear it pierce the skin, practically feel the minute vibrations as it tears through muscle and it's close- too close- to her sister's femoral artery._

_Alex yells out, falling to the ground, and the sound absolutely cuts through Kara._

_She can hear Christian Montgomery moving back to the elevator, his grip firm on Carter's shoulder, but it pales in comparison to the fear she feels._

_"_ _Alex? Alex-" Kara drops down beside her sister, taking the time to drag them both behind the nearest table, out of the direct line of fire. Her breaths are catching in her throat, her lungs heaving, but she groans out again, "Alex?"_

_"_ _I'm okay. It's- it's okay, Kara."_

_But there's dark blood absolutely streaming from Alex's leg, despite the weak hand she has pressed against the wound, and a red pool of blood that's rapidly expanding towards Kara's knees._

_She'd seen how the bullet had skimmed her sister's artery, the damage that had been done as it tore through her leg and she knows that despite whatever Alex tries to say, there's nothing here that's okay._

_Kara looks up at the sound of the elevator doors shuddering closed, just in time to see Christian Montgomery steer his son back into the elevator door with a firm hand on his shoulder._

_And it's then, as the doors trundle to a close, that Kara sees him draw out his phone, tapping away at it for a few moments, before looking up. Their eyes meet. "Goodbye, daughter of Krypton," Christian says quietly, "the universe owed us both better."_

_The doors close, and then the silence is back, the limitless, never-ending silence._

_Broken only by one sound- something that sends a new wave of panic rolling through her._

_A steady, rhythmic beep._

_The undeniable sound of a timer ticking down.)_

* * *

"Okay, but what does that mean?" there's no shortage of frustration in Maggie's tone, but she can't honestly bring herself to care. Exhaustion has settled in a dull haze around her brain ever since she'd been forced out of Kara's room, and the technical theories of Alex's head doctor is the last thing she wants to deal with.

The doctor- Richards? Had he first introduced himself as?- frowns, shifting impatiently on his feet, as if explaining his patient's status with a lowly detective was the last thing he'd like to deal with. "We've been taking hourly blood samples to analyze the amount of drugs in her blood. We've found there's been a notable decrease in the foreign substance-"

Maggie's ears prick, but she forces her face to remain impassive as he continues seemingly obliviously.

"- which I've noted here in her file. I've also sent a sample to the lab to be analyzed. But without knowing anything about this drug, I'm hesitant to introduce any more into her system less it react with what's already there."

Maggie nods. She's been trained as a first responder, after all. She knows the basic principles of first aid.

"What we've noticed though, is that she's becoming increasingly restless. There's been a marked increase in her core temperature, and it's having quite the effect on her awareness."

Her gaze cuts back to the doctor. "The hell does that mean?" she demands.

Richards blinks, opening his mouth in what she hopes to God isn't an argument, before seeming to think again and instead handing her the tablet in his hands. There's very little there she actually understands, but one of the things Maggie does pick up is a small line graph showing- surely enough- a slow but steady increase in Alex's temperature, hovering now, it seemed, at 100.4.

There'd been a time, a few months ago now, where Alex had come down with what she'd adamantly argued as being allergies. Kara had rolled her eyes instantly, disappearing for a few minutes before returning with her sister's favourite tea, her warmest sweater, and advice for Maggie on what she'd already suspected; Alex wouldn't admit to being sick. She'd only stop when exhaustion left her with little other option.

How long ago that seems now.

"It means," Richards continues, his voice as soft now as it's ever been during their conversation, and that alone makes Maggie want to punch him in the face, "that there's something more malicious here working through her system. As of yet, I'm not overly concerned about it. The fact that the drug levels in her blood are dropping means that the fever is probably her body's way of dealing with that decrease. Which is familiar grounds"

Maggie looks up. "Familiar in what way."

"They're similar symptoms to what we'd see in withdrawal patients."

Her gaze drops again as the word echoes through her head.

Withdrawal patients.  _Withdrawal_. It's an ugly, horrible word, filled with all sorts of implications. How many times has she seen it's effects? Seen people caught in its reach? You don't rise from a beat cop to detective without seeing the shit in the world, but this was… this was different. This was painful and disgusting and unbearable in a whole new way. And there was only one way Maggie could see forward.

"Can I see her?"

* * *

Maybe this is what insanity feels like.

Or maybe it's just a dream.

The thing is, she can't tell the difference any more. Her fevered dreams are just as horrifying as reality, Alex is learning.

When her eyes drift closed, there's Kara, bloody and scared and looking at her like she can't even recognize her own sister.

She's there too, when Alex opens her eyes. But she's not  _Kara_  here either.

She's leaning against the far wall now, dressed in the Supergirl uniform Alex had last seen her in. But she's not covered in blood now, instead she stands tall and strong and…  _bored_ , almost.

"Kara," Alex pleads, her chapped lips stinging, "Kara, talk to me."

Her sister looks up from where she'd been analyzing her nails. "What do you want me to say?"

Swallowing is physically painful, but her throat feels like it's burning. "Something… anything… tell me what I can do to fix this?"

"Fix this?" Kara pushes herself off the wall, striding towards Alex's bed. Her blue eyes, normally so alight with kindness and strength, burn with a different sort of intensity. "What if you can't fix this, Alex?"

"I can still try."

"Can you? Look at yourself. You're broken. And you know what the worst thing is?" she leans in close, so strands of her long hair brush against Alex's cheek, "you did this to yourself," she laughs cruelly, shaking her head, "actually no; even worse, you did this to  _me_." Something else falls on her face, and when Kara leans back, Alex's heart's in her throat at the sight of blood absolutely  _streaming_  down her sister's face.

Kara stumbles back, doubled over in pain that seems to grip her insides, and coughs up scarlet, bloody mucus to the floor. Alex struggles to get to her, but now there's a heavy weight pinning her to the bed.

"Alex? Alex,  _please_ -"

"Kara?! Kara!" Her sister, she has to get to her sister-

"Alex! Alex, calm down, what's wrong-?"

She cringes away from the voice and a furious beeping sound that falls like gunshots to her ears and screws her eyes shut against the sight of her sister in such pain- pain that she's caused.

"Alex!"

And somewhere, deep in her consciousness, the voice registers, and her eyes blink open again. "Maggie?"

Her girlfriend's familiar form swims into focus, eyes shadowed by purple smudges and hair hastily pulled back in a messy bun, the way Maggie always has it when she's exhausted and on edge and can't deal with anything anymore. "Hey," she says softly.

"Maggie?," she repeats, glancing around the room. But there's no sign that Kara was ever there, only the rapid beat of her heartbeat sounding on the monitor.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me. Just me, alright? There's no one else here."

If Alex had the breath for it, she'd scoff. Of course there's no one else, because this is one of the DEO's most secure cells, the ones that very few have clearance to access. And yet-

And yet surely the whispers are real.

Maggie's hands are shoved deep in her pockets and a frown contorts her face. "Your doctor's saying that you're having a hard time with reality at the moment. I thought he seemed like a bit of a condescending jackass, but then…" she drifts off, but it's simple enough to fill in the blanks. Alex can feel the sweat beading along her forehead and the shakiness to her hands, while shadowy edges play at the edge of her vision.

"How's Kara?" Alex asks, her voice cracking.

"Hamilton says she'll be fine," Maggie replies immediately, and a small knot loosens slightly in Alex's chest, "she- she solar flared, so it'll take her a while to heal. But she'll be fine. She was asking for you."

Alex snorts, then coughs wretchedly as the desert in her throat protests. Of course Kara was asking after her. Of course her sister was worried about her far more than she should be. Because as much as she thought she was being reassuring, there's so many unsaid things in Maggie's words.

She'll be fine, meaning Kara's not fine now, that she's in pain.

She solar flared, so she'll be even more disoriented and exhausted than her injuries would normally allow, so there's no way she'll bounce back like they're all so used to.

But Alex doesn't bother asking if she can see her. She's not entirely sure she has the strength to. And anyway, what would she say? Any apology would be so insubstantial, so ridiculous in the face of her failures.

Maggie shifts on her feet, one of her hands coming up to rub at her eyes. Her exhaustion is evident in every little way, from how she sways slightly on her feet to how her shoulders are slumped, listless underneath the jacket that suddenly seems far too large. If Alex wasn't restrained- and if she actually had the strength- she'd lift up a hand to brush away the frown lines cutting across Maggie's forehead.

 _I did this_ , Alex thinks, the words tumbling through her skull.  _I did this I did this I did this._

"Do they know?"

Maggie visible startles. "Not all of it. Not Yet."

"But Kara- you said she'd woken up?"

"She did, babe, but she- she didn't say everything."

There's more hidden meaning there; didn't and couldn't are interchangeable in this context.

Alex's eyes flick upwards, to the corner of the room where the security camera's red light blinks steadily. "Did J'onn send you then? To find out what happened?"

Maggie frowns once again, chancing a step closer to the bed. "You really think that's why I'm here? You think I'm that single-minded? God Alex, I'm here because I want to make sure you're alright-"

"But you also want to know what happened."

There's a slight pause there, and Alex watches as Maggie's jaw clenches. "I know you're feeling like shit right now, but that doesn't give you the right to push me away."

Alex lets out a breath, long and slow, between her teeth. It does nothing to reduce the tightness to her lungs.

And the red light of the camera just blinks, blinks, blinks.

"Hey," Maggie's hand brushes against her own, so warm and full of strength as she closes around Alex's limp fingers. It's her dominant hand, the one that has the bruise darkening her knuckles, and Maggie's thumb is feather soft as it ghosts over the ugly smudges of purple. "We'll work it out, okay? Whatever happened, whatever will happen, we'll make it work."

God, how Alex wants to believe her, what she wouldn't give to let herself fall into the comfort of her girlfriend's words. But she can't give herself that luxury, she doesn't deserve it- well, really, when had she ever deserved Maggie?

And yet…

Maybe she can give herself just this one moment, before the whole world comes crashing down with the weight of her actions. She owes that much to the people she cares about.

Maggie… Kara… J'onn…

Slowly, her voice cracking, with sweat beading along her forehead and just the slightest glaze of tears in her eyes, Alex begins to talk.

And the whole time, Maggie's hand doesn't move from around her own.

_(Alex wasn't a boastful person by nature, but there was one thing that she'd readily admit to: she was a damn good agent. And a big part of that, more than almost anything else. Was her ability to react when a situation went sideways._

_And this, Alex reckoned, was the ultimate example of things turning to absolute shit._

_She vaguely registers that Christian and Carter Montgomery have just left in the elevator, and she can hear that steady, ominous beep that honestly can't mean anything good, and she knows that they should really, really get moving-_

_But for the love of fucking fuck, her_ leg _._

_Context comes back to her in flashes of red hot pain. First is the sound of her sister's voice, desperately calling her name._

_"_ _Alex? Alex, come on, come on, Alex!"_

_Next is the feel of Kara's hands on her leg, one putting pressure on the entry wound, the other cinching tight around the top of her thigh the belt Kara had been wearing. Despite her arguments that it was Alex's area of expertise, Kara had taken remarkably well to the basic first aid lessons J'onn had insisted upon a few months ago, and Alex had never been so grateful for it._

_"_ _Alex?!"_

_"_ _Yeah… it's okay… I'm alright. It's okay."_

_"_ _You're not okay. You are_ so _not okay. So don't you even say-"_

_"_ _Kara."_

_The single word is enough to effectively stop Kara in her descent to panic. "You hear the timer too?" she asks instead._

_Alex nods. "We shouldn't hang around to see what happens when it stops." There's a vague dizziness as she sits up but Alex pushes past it. She knows the medicinal implications; none of that will help them now. "What's the damage?"_

_"_ _Its…" Kara bites her lip, looking down at where she's still holding pressure, "it didn't sever your artery, but you're still losing a lot of blood."_

_"_ _Did it break the bone?"_

_Kara shakes her head, and Alex nods hers once, twice. "Okay. Okay, that's good then." A pained shudder suddenly wracks through Kara's frame, bowing her head as releases a slightly stuttered breah. Alex eyes her closely. "How's the Kryptonite?"_

_"_ _It's fine, I can deal with-"_

_"_ _That's not what I asked. I need to know if we're gonna make a plan, Kara."_

_Her sister lets out a low, exasperated breath. "It's strong," Kara answers reluctantly, "Must be reinforced in the walls, near the elevator too."_

_"_ _How much?"_

_"_ _Enough."_

_Kara's monosyllabic response is answer enough. She's gotten good at hiding and dealing with the effects that Kryptonite has, but it's clear that this is harming her to an extent past even that. The only thing that Alex can hope for is that despite this, it's not quite strong enough or that Kara's not exposed for much longer so as to knock out her powers._

_Alex holds out her hand for her sister to grab. "Come on, lift me up."_

_"_ _Alex…" Kara's voice is low and desperate, completely giving away how against causing any more pain she is._

_"_ _We've got to get out of here Kara, can you think of any other way?" God, how she wished that she could. But it's clear from the way Kara bites her lip that she's stuck too._

_"_ _Okay," Kara says, "okay, ready? I'm gonna lift you, so don't you dare try do anything by yourself."_

_Alex nods, forcing herself to take steady, deep breaths, knowing that the next few seconds are going to be absolutely hell._

_Kara's hands are gentle as they grip underneath her shoulders, pulling her upright and shouldering most of her weight in one smooth motion. For a moment, Alex almost thinks that it'll work, that Kara can carry them both out of here despite the rivers of sickening green still flowing beneath the Kryptonian's skin, sapping at her strength._

_And then Alex shifts just the barest amount of weight to her leg and-_

_Her knees buckle, a cry ripping itself from her lips. If it wasn't for Kara's steady grip she would've fallen straight back onto the unforgiving tiled floor. She writhes against the fire licking against her leg, fully convinced she's about to burn alive._

_"_ _Shh, okay, I'm sorry," Kara's voice is as soothing as the hand she brushes against Alex's forehead, pushing back the stands of hair slick with sweat, "I'm sorry, we won't move anymore, I'm sorry."_

_Alex has been shot before, but there's very little you can do to prepare yourself for the stabbing pain that comes with it, like barb wire's being pulled through her skin. And adrenaline is a helpful thing, but even that won't allow her the ability of ignoring the horrific wound enough to put even a lick of pressure on her leg._

_She needs something else._

_"_ _Okay," Alex grits out, propping her body up onto her elbows. "New plan. This is a chemical lab, there must be something here that can help."_

_"_ _Right," Kara says, immediately pushing herself to her feet and staggering over to the nearest bench. "Okay… Okay…" Her fingers dance over the small shelf stacked full of small vials of marked chemicals and drugs. Kara's eyes scan fast, but still Alex can't bear just watching._

_"_ _Pass some here."_

_Kara does as she's told, handing over a small silver, box- not entirely unalike what Christian had stored his gun in. "There's a few in there," Kara explains, before stumbling back over to the side table._

_Alex runs her hands over the box Kara had given her, unlatching the clasps at the side and lifting the lid. Inside there's actually very little, only five small vials of clear chemicals, separated by a firm foam inlay. Gingerly, she picks up the first one, bringing it closer so her eyes can make out the tiny print on the label. "What does yours say?" she asks Kara, "read them out to me."_

_"_ _Um…" Kara's head tilts slightly as she reads, "accolate, galsulfase, epinephrine-"_

_"_ _No, that's adrenaline, it'll only make me lose blood faster. Next one."_

_Kara's eyes scan quickly. "Um, okay, I can only recognize a handful of these things-"_

_"_ _What are the things that you can?" Alex says distractedly. She isn't having much luck with her own; the labels on each vial are covered in chemicals that even she can't recognize. She swears roughly. This is taking far too long. If it is a bomb that's about go off they don't have the time to waste. They need to get out now, get as far away as possible, call J'onn, then find the Montgomery's._

_But she can't move. Can barely stand. How the fuck is this supposed to work?_

_And then she picks up the vial in the middle._

_Because there it is, sitting in her hand._

_"_ _Kara," she says, and just that one word is enough to bring her sister back to her side instantly._

_"_ _What's wrong?" then she sees what Alex is holding, "you found something!? Is it a painkiller?"_

_"_ _Yeah, Fentanyl, see?"_

_Kara peers at the words, her blue eyes filled with desperate hope. "Yeah… what are the other things though?"_

_Alex doesn't answer, but she closes her fingers slightly around the vial, pulling back her hand. "It'll be fine," she says, deliberately keeping her voice even, "find a needle."_

_"_ _Alex, what-? No. I'm not going to let you inject yourself with something when we're not fully sure of what it is. No way."_

_"_ _Fuck, there's no other option, okay? We need to do this. Find me a needle."_

_She can't focus on Kara's arguments, despite the fact that her sister had immediately picked up on the issue here. Because although Fentanyl- one of the most potent painkillers, especially used to treat gunshot wounds- was the first name listed on the label, there were still about nine chemicals that came afterwards. And honestly? Like what Kara had said earlier; Alex could only recognize about half of them._

_And she knew- she knew- how stupid it was to inject herself with a foreign substance. She should be listening to Kara. She shouldn't be at all willing to resort to this. But then the words come back to her, of the conversation she'd had with Maggie that morning- God, only that morning?!._

_I swear to always try my hardest, to stay safe, and to come back to you._

_She'd promised Maggie. How could she break that? She couldn't, she wouldn't._

_And Kara- Alex couldn't let Kara die like this, buried underground so far from the sun._

_She doesn't have time to overthink her actions. Without a painkiller to dull the horrific wound to her leg, she won't be able to stand. And then they won't be able to get out. And Alex wouldn't insult her sister by even attempting to ask Kara to leave without her._

_This is the only way._

_This is the only way, Alex repeats to herself, as she spies a box of packaged syringe in an open cupboard just outside of her reach._

_This will help, she tells herself, reaching out, pushing against the horrible strain in her leg._

_"_ _It'll be fine," she says aloud, ignoring the look of horror on Kara's face, loading the syringe in one practiced action and curling her left hand into a fist so that the veins in her elbow stand out in sharp relief. And then she pushes the needle into her skin._

_(I promise to come back to you.)_

_For a second, nothing happens, where all she can feel is an odd heat spreading through her veins, emanating from the spot where the needle entered her skin._

_"_ _Alex?" Kara asks, worry absolutely saturating her words._

_She opens her mouth to answer, to reassure her, but then something changes; something shifts deep in her veins, a heat that's spreading slowly through her blood. It doesn't hurt, in fact as it makes it way to her leg, it's like it burns through her injury- not healing it by any means, but giving her the strength to ignore it._

_Fentanyl. She could almost laugh at its sweet relief._

_She knows Kara is watching her, can feel her sister's anxious eyes boring into her, but then-_

_But then-_

_The drug reaches her chest, her heart-_

_And her body absolutely_  burns _._

_Alex cries out, her body tipping sideways and onto the ground, and then Kara's hands are fluttering over her writhing form, gripping her shoulders._

_"_ _Alex! What's wrong- tell me what's wrong!"_

_Her heart thunders in her chest, a beat so strong she's sure the whole room should be shaking with its force._

_"_ _Alex!"_

_Distantly, she registers the feel of Kara's hands and the sound of her voice but it's lost in the sudden blaze of details that suddenly assault her._

_The hammering of her heartbeat._

_The steely, unmistakable tang of blood._

_And most importantly, the beep of the timer, falling to her ears like gunshots._

_"_ _I'm-" she breathes past the flames, "I'm fine… let's go- Kara-"_

_There's a sharp pang from her leg as Alex pulls herself upright, but it's drowned out almost immediately, lost in whatever haze is flooding her veins. Focus, focus, she has to focus._

_Timer. Out. Now._

_Kara staggers at her side, and Alex grabs at her, doesn't know how roughly, and hauls her closer, turning towards the exit._

_Timer. Kryptonite. Out. Now._

_Her thumb stabs at the elevator button, and then an instant later she's dragging at the doors, shoving them open so that they slam against their tracks- strong, too strong, much stronger than usual._

_Timer. Out. Now._

_She drags them into the elevator. Alex can hear the beeping now, the ticking down of the timer that'll trigger whatever explosives are set up around lab. She can hear it, and yet there's an eternity within each moment, between each consecutive second down._

_In the first, the doors shudder closed and she punches at the elevator buttons until she feels the shuddering beneath her feet, until the floor trembles with all the force of a quake. Or is that her that's shaking?_

_In the second, Kara groans in her arms, doubling over slightly and vomiting over the floor, barely missing their shoes. Oh right. Kryptonite. Kryptonite in the walls and the floors and her father's voice in her ear saying, "it's one of the few things that'll hurt her, Alex, its radiation damages a Kryptonian's cells. But there's none on earth; we don't have to worry about that. She'll be safe."_

_Another lie. Another half-truth. Another thing she'd failed at._

_Timer. Kryptonite. Out. Now._

_"_ _Come on!" Alex yells, "Come on, come on, come on!"_

_"_ _Alex…" Kara moans._

_She blinks, and then in the next instant the elevator jerks to a stop. The doors aren't opening fast enough though, so she whips her hand out and pushes with all her might and she only briefly registers the sight of the doors crumpling slightly beneath her grip before she jerks out of the lift, dragging Kara at her side._

_The distance of the foyer seems to fold in on itself, and in an instant they're passing through the metal detectors- the guards are gone now, and there's no one to stop them as the machines angrily protest at the metal they're carrying (the phone in her bag, obviously, and J'onn's voice saying, "call me if you need anything Alex, anything"-)_

_And then they're out the door, bursting out into the carpark, blinded by the light that absolutely burns her eyes. Kara shudders slightly, and Alex pulls her closer, jerking her slightly so she knows to keep walking, as far away as possible._

_She can't think about where the Montgomery's might be. She can only think about getting them away and safe and-_

_Kara shifts in her grip, her muscles tightening. "The timer stopped-" she says quickly._

_And then all Alex can register is how Kara grabs her by the shoulders and propels them both forward with whatever Kryptonian strength she has remaining-_

_As the warehouse behind them explodes with a sudden burst of light and heat.)_

It's quiet. So very, very quiet.

Alex swallows once, twice, against the fire in her throat. A sudden beep from one of the monitors at her side- probably in protest of the short, labored breaths she's now taking- makes them both jump. They wait a few moments, but no one comes in.

There's a part of Alex that wishes someone would; at least then she wouldn't be caught under the weight of her girlfriend's gaze. The cool, slightly fearful treatment from the doctors is far more expected than the cautious concern and eyes that just care far too more than they should.

She hears Maggie take in a quick, stuttered breath. "Alright Danvers," she says, and the authoritative tone is enough for Alex to meet her gaze, "I know you. You're blaming yourself for this. And you know what? While you're doing that, Kara's out there blaming herself too."

Jerking slightly, Alex says, "what? It's not her fault- none of this is her fault. How can she think that?"

"Probably for the same reason you believe about yourself."

Alex pauses for a few moments, and when she next speaks her words are a broken murmur. "She should hate me."

"That girl isn't capable of hating anyone- especially you, Alex. She loves you so much."

 _And look what it caused her_ , a bitter voice in Alex's head says,  _look what happened to her because of it._

And Alex had considered herself a reasonable person. Before. Now, all sense of reason seems to have fled her. And in its place is something dark and twisted.

"Just go."

Maggie jerks slightly, but then frowns, reaching out a hand to-

-Touch her

Comfort her

( _Hurt_  her)-

" _Don't_ " Alex's voice is ice- cold, sharp and unyielding. "Just- just go.

Maggie leans back, her hand dropping, but her face falls into an expression of stubbornness Alex is acutely familiar with. "I'm not going anywhere."

Her vision swirls in a nauseating blur of colours, and it's all Alex can do not to groan aloud as Maggie's words echo in her ears.

_I'm not going anywhere._

_Not anywhere._

Then there's Kara's voice, whispering cold words in her ear. " _You promised me that once, too."_

Alex jerks, pushing against the restraints. "Fuck, just get the hell out of here. I don't  _want_ you here. Get the hell away from me." Maggie? Or Kara?

Maggie takes a step back, almost subconsciously, but her face hardens. "Tough luck, Danvers. I'm staying."

Her head falls back to the pillow in defeat. The grey paneling of the roof swims in and out of focus dizzyingly, and she knows that Maggie's gaze, where it bores into her skull, is filled with an overwhelming amount of concern that Alex can't even begin to deal with.

She needs… (Well, Alex knows what she needs, but she can't she can't-)

"You promised."

Maggie jerks back like she's been burned, something close to horror on her face as her eyes widen and Alex realizes how her words would've sounded.

"No- no- that's not what I-"  _I didn't mean it like that, Maggie, please, it's my fault not yours, never yours_ \- "please, I just-" her vision swims out of focus for a few moments, "I need to know that Kara's being taken care of."

"But I…" Maggie trails off. Alex can count on one hand the number of times she's seen her girlfriend caught off guard, speechless, and it's just as disconcerting as it always has been. "I want to be here for you," Maggie finishes softly, "I need to be here to help you."

The words, I don't deserve your help, almost fall off her lips, but Alex catches herself, shaking her head as much as she can. "Go," there's no desperation behind her words anymore, just a resigned exhaustion. "Look after yourself and look after Kara."

Maggie's gaze is intense as she analyzes her face. It's clear what she's looking for; a sign that Alex is lying, something that says she really wants the opposite. But Alex has had a lifetime of keeping up a façade and this is no exception.

"Fine," Maggie allows, "I'll go look after her. But I'll be back in a couple of hours, you hear?"

Alex nods immediately, and even this movement makes the room spin nauseously. Her head falls back to the pillow, her eyes closing as Alex focuses on deepening the breaths she swears aren't making it to her lungs.

She doesn't see, but she can hear that Maggie hesitates slightly, standing there for a beat longer, before stepping away.

It's habit, the way the words form on her tongue. It's instinct, that there's something she feels needs to be said as Maggie leaves. And the instant the words, "love you," falls from her lips she regrets it.

Not because it's a lie. God, nothing like that. But how can she invoke something so inherently sacred in circumstances like this?

Her breath catches in her throat, her eyes fluttering open as she searches for an explanation, a way to take back the words she's just let slip. "Maggie-" she gets out, before realizing that the room is already empty, that the door's already closed, that her girlfriend hadn't even heard her whispered profession ( _was she ever even there?_ )

It's a strange mix of relief and sadness that floats through her again.

But it's alright. It's justified. It's easier this way.

And as Alex lets her eyes close once again, her mind giving in to the feverish haze, she floats away too.

* * *

**Alrighty, super long chapter, so much happening. I think I'm actually a bit overwhelmed and not to sure about the pace and dialogue within this, but I really did just wanna get it out there. Thank you all so much for the continuous support (all of the comments are amazing to read).**

**Also, you may have noticed there were some creative liberties taken with regards to the Kryptonite. I don't really think they address it too much in the show compared to, for example, in the Superman films. I don't really want to try align those though, but maybe it gives more explanation as to why Kara's so affected by it?**

**I have my final exams over the next few weeks (please send help), but I'll try get out the next chapter soon.**

**Thank you, once again :)**

**-F**


	5. Chapter 5

**(*cautiously emerges from my self-imposed hermitage*) Please don't hate me?**

**I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible person, and I don't deserve all your amazing support. I'm sorry, I'm terrible, I'm sorry.**

** csiaddictfan82 ** **: Thank you so much for all your continued reviews, I kinda wish you weren't reviewing as a guest so I could properly reply to you. Thank you, you're amazing xxx**

**Also, you guys should go give some love to** ** fandomlove17 ** **, because without their continuous support, this chapter would've been a lot longer coming (though I still think the hitman might've been a good idea, yeah? Next time? :p), thank you infinitely awesome person xxx**

**There's probably a whole lot more people I'm forgetting, but it's also 1.30 in the morning and I can no longer English (please just know you're all appreciated more than I could ever say).**

**Anyways.**

**...**

_ Chapter Five: _

J'onn was quickly approaching 48 hours without sleep, but he had no intentions of resting. He knew his own limits, of course, but he also knew that his physiology- imbued with a strength that came from living in a climate as unforgiving as the Martian soil of his youth- would allow him energy beyond what a human could achieve.

But this, holding the façade of Hank Henshaw, is draining even him after such an extended time, so in the privacy of his office he lets it fall, reveling in the familiarity and sense of self that comes with wearing his own skin.

It's less enjoyable, though, considering the turmoil his mind's in.

Because this case, with Alex and Kara and the two Montgomery's, still remains too complex for him to fully have a grasp on.

He knows how it started, thanks to Maggie's relay on what Alex had in turn told her. He knows Kara's story, further solidified by what Alex had dutifully written in her after-action report, and what was reflected in their medical evaluations.

But he also knows what he saw in Alex's eyes, before she'd bought half the DEO crumbling down on itself, and that wasn't the look he'd grown to be familiar with.

J'onn sighs, sitting back far into the chair and closing his eyes. This bone-deep exhaustion is a familiar and unwelcome feeling. Sometimes he feels like he's in a permanent state of separation, merely drifting through the moments like a ghost. Maybe, if that's the case, one day he'll just float away, aimless and alone.

That was the trouble, he'd found, with taking on another's form; sometimes he worried that he'd forget what it meant to be himself. And when that happens, who would remember his daughters? His beautiful, perfect daughters?

If he's a ghost, then they're his anchor, tethering him to this world with the fear of being forgotten.

There are other things, though, that keep him sane. His position as Director of the DEO is fulfilling enough that it brings a certain sense of satisfaction, even if it requires the constant persona of Hank Henshaw. The long hours keep him busy, and over the years he's slowly- but surely- managed to bring about a significant change in society's view towards aliens. It's slow going, of course, and there'll always be people incapable of being changed, of accepting difference. But the way J'onn sees it, if he can help even one extraterrestrial being find a home, it's worth any and all effort on his part.

And then, of course, there's the people he's learned to care for.

Alex and Kara, more specifically.

It's not just because of the promise he made to their father. And it's not even because of Kara's Kryptonian blood or Alex's proficiency as an agent. It's because both girls- with their fire and tenacity, strength and kindness- have worked their ways so firmly into his heart that it's almost impossible to imagine a life without them.

And he knows the pain of losing a child, is intimately familiar with how completely world-shattering it can be. So, there's a part of him, a horrible tormenting voice, that's wondering if this is what it'll take to make him lose Alex and Kara too.

( _They arrive on the scene mere minutes after the proper authorities, drawn as much by the thick plume of black smoke spiraling into the air than the location they're receiving from both Alex and Kara's phones._

_J'onn leaps from the van as soon as it comes to a stop, striding towards where the nearest group of officers and firemen stand staring at the smoldering ruin that used to the Montgomery's primary lab. It's an isolated warehouse, bordered only by large expanses of cracked concrete, so apparently they don't have to worry about the flames spreading to any neighbouring structures; if they think there's no one inside, they'll be perfectly fine with letting the fire burn itself out._

_Several officers turn to face him as the DEO van pulls up, their faces varying from apprehension to a certain frustration. He knows what they're thinking of course, because numerous black vans with tinted black windows just scream a federal agency coming in to take over a scene. Normally he'd care. Normally he'd play nice, come across approachable, and try and fight the stigma of an agent throwing around his weight._

_He finds he doesn't really care though. Not with so much- or more specifically, who exactly- was at stake._

_"Detectives," he announces, "I'm Director Hank Henshaw. I need to know what happened here."_

_"What's it to you?" one of the men questions. "you feds got an operation here going or something?"_

_J'onn's jaw clenches. "If we did, it'd be deemed confidential," he answers gruffly, ignoring the way that this makes the cop's face twist in anger, "and it's not relevant in terms of your response. So I'll ask again; what happened here?"_

_The cops exchange dark looks, none of them obviously prepared to give an easy answer. And if J'onn didn't already have fury pulsing through his veins, this blatant display of disrespect would be enough to get him going. But finally, one of them steps forward._

_"We don't know what happened. We just responded to a call of a chemical fire. The warehouse operated as a lab, owned by K'nex Ltd, but according to those security guards there, they were the only ones there."_

_J'onn looks over to where the officer had indicated, managing- just barely, though the mass of firefighters and police now on the scene- to catch a glimpse of the flashing lights of two ambulances, their back doors open as they treat several men with soot-stained faces and gasping desperately into breathing masks._

_He doesn't say another word to the officers, he just strides towards the ambulances._

_An EMT spots him approaching first, must recognize something in the furious determination on his face. "Sir, you can't be here-"_

_"Who else was there?" he demands from the nearest man. The slightly-charred shirt he wears still bearing small, tidy logo of K'nex Ltd._

_"Sir. I realize you're desperate for answers. But that'll have to wait until these men-"_

_"Who else was there." There's no question in his words anymore; his patience is a thing lost quickly if there's even the slightest chance that Alex and Kara are still there somewhere, trapped in the flames._

_The guard stares up at him, his eyes narrowed and squinting. "You a cop?"_

_J'onn's voice is a low growl. "No. I'll be worse if you don't start giving me answers."_

_The paramedic tries to cut in again. "Alright look-"_

_"Tell me what happened."_

_The guard swallows once. Twice. Looks over to the other two men dressed in the same uniform and all bearing evidence of their proximity to the lab's explosion. They both stay silent though, evidently leaving it to this man to figure out what answer to give. He looks back to J'onn. "We don't know what happened. The Montgomery's came back around 11. They took the elevator down to the lab, but came back up soon after and told us to evacuate. About five minutes after that the whole thing burst into goddamn flames."_

_"And where are the Montgomery's now? Where are the two women with them?_

_And that's when the guard looks at him- really looks at him. And J'onn watches his eyes narrow slightly, seemingly coming to a decision._

_"No. They were alone. They came alone and they left alone. And I don't know where they are now."_

_For a second, it's all J'onn can do to restrain himself from closing the distance between them, or from forcing himself into this man's mind and exposing him as the liar he is. But he can't expose this man in that way without exposing himself as well, or giving away the fact that he knows far more about the situation than his mere presence suggests._

_And, as much as it might frustrate him, it's obvious that these men aren't going to provide any more help. So instead of stepping forward, instead of absolutely demanding the answers he seeks with all the force his Martian powers allow, he steps back, fixing the men with one last glare to let them know this is far from over, and turns away._

_"All agents, be on the lookout," he says into his comm unit, striding back to the van, "the status of Agent Danvers and Supergirl is unknown. The guards aren't going to be any help, either," he adds on bitterly._

_He barely notices the various response this receives- a mix of affirmations and further assurances that they've set up a perimeter, looking for both their two missing agents and the Montgomery's. He's focused instead on taking stock of his surroundings._

_He doesn't know how, or to what extent they're injured; the message they'd left for him had been infuriatingly brief. But if they're both out of commission, then surely they wouldn't've gone far. They would've found a secure spot, bunked down with what little they obviously have, and wait for him to find them._

_Which he will. There's no other alternative here._

_With that conviction in his mind, J'onn forces his thoughts to calm, breathing out a long, slow breath. He's far away now from the other people that he allows the barriers in his mind to fall, shifting through the thoughts and emotions that suddenly bombard him. It's useless to search for Kara's mind, but even though he doesn't quite have the same level of connection to Alex as with M'gann, he's still attuned to her thoughts enough to pick up their faint trail coming from not too far away._

_He sets off again, this time heading away from the general chaos towards the next warehouse. It's there, tucked in the shadowy space between one brick-walled alleyway and another, that he finds them._

_And J'onn has been an agent for many years now. He's seen a myriad of horrible things in his career._

_So why did this scene fill him with such particular horror?_

_Kara's on her knees, her usual brightly pastel-coloured clothes grimy and stained slightly with soot. Even from J'onn's relative distance, she's clearly pale and shaky where she knees, such a far cry from the power she usually personifies._

_Kara looks up as he steps closer. "J'onn, thank Rao. Alex needs medical attention. Now."_

_It's then that he rounds the corner enough to catch a glimpse of what- or more exactly, who- she's kneeling in front of, and his heart drops._

_It's not because Alex is laying prone on the ground, propped up against the brick wall, her face as pale as he's ever seen it. It's not even because of the gunshot wound to her leg, treated obviously to the best of Kara's ability with her belt fashioning a makeshift tourniquet around Alex's thigh._

_It's because Alex- with all of her bravado and strength and impossible kindness- is currently crumpled against the brick wall, head between her knees and her nails digging bloody gouges where she grips her upper arms._

_"What the hell happened?" he growls._

_"I- she injected herself with something. It was a painkiller- for her leg. She- we- wouldn't've been able to walk otherwise-"_

_"Stop."_

_Alex's sudden voice- strained and broken- turns them back to her. Her eyes haven't moved from where they look to the ground, but J'onn's gaze is drawn instead to where her hands are clenched, knuckles strained white pushing against the concrete._

_Whatever Alex injected herself with, it's clear that it was no mere painkiller._

_Immediately following that thought, J'onn reaches up a hand to flick on the comm unit again, informing the medics as to their location and their general status._

_"Just- stop talking- please."_

_Kara reaches out, threading a hand through one of Alex's alone. "Shh, it's okay," she comforts. The Kryptonian's voice is still strained somewhat, but her skin's less grey and her grip on her sister's hand is firm. "You're gonna be okay. I'm so sorry, Alex,"_

_That's when J'onn extends his own hand, clasping Kara's shoulder hard enough to bruise a normal person. "You did everything you could've." He doesn't even need to know what happened down in that facility. He knows Kara; that tells him enough._

_She shakes her head immediately. "I should've stopped her. I should've just flown the both of us out of there."_

_And J'onn knows she would've tried, but judging from the residual weakness that's still affecting her even now, her powers would've been a thing of the past. She would've been crippled as much as Alex still is._

_His attention snaps back to his agent at the sound of a loud crack. At first, he doesn't know what's caused the noise. But then he sees, with a cold sense of alarm, that Alex had slammed a fist against the ground._

_And the concrete had cracked, fractured underneath the strength of her punch._

_And she's just looking at them, with eyes that don't quite seem to register who they are, and growls, "I said-_ stop talking _."_

_There's a split second then, an instant that just seems to go on and on and on. And all registering in his head is the undeniable feeling that something is horribly_ wrong _here._

_But then the medics arrive, converging on the two girls and forcing J'onn to take a step backwards and out of the way. He growls, fighting an instinctual urge to sweep the emergency crew to the side and tug Alex and Kara into his own grip._

_It's moments like this where he has to remind himself that, although this isn't the life he'd have chosen for the two of them, it's the one they chose for themselves; it's the one they've dedicated and sacrificed themselves to._

_Alex is an agent. Kara is Supergirl. They're fighters in every sense of the word._

_But watching the medics fuss over them, one immediately setting up an IV in the back of Alex's hand and another barking questions at Kara, he only wishes that the consequences for fighting battles like these weren't quite so harsh._

* * *

_It takes a long time for Dr. Hamilton to approach him about Alex and Kara's condition. Far too long._

_J'onn had taken to pacing outside of the examining room where the two were being treated, and if his furious and relentless strides weren't enough to deter any of his agents from approaching, the absolute glare- red eyes glowing- that he sent towards anyone that came too close cinched the deal._

_And maybe he could stop the whispers- at least the ones within his earshot- but he couldn't do anything about the thoughts of those around him. Or the feelings. And unfortunately, both those things carried through his mind in relentless waves._

_-heard they walked into a trap, that whoever it was knew she was Supergirl-_

_-Did you see what they both looked like? Fucking hell, I thought they were both dead-_

_\- must be Kryptonite, yeah? Nothing else coulda possibly-_

_-Only a matter of time, really. What did they think would happen, what with her flying all over the city like that?-_

_-Danvers was on something for sure-_

_J'onn growls, and that sound alone sends anyone remaining in the area scurrying. Good, he thinks bitterly, their presence wasn't helping anyone._

_The door opens behind him, and J'onn whirls around to face Dr. Hamilton as she approaches. She holds up a hand before he has a chance to speak, looking past him to where some of the lab techs are still leaving. "You," she waves one of them over- a boy really, couldn't have been older than 25. "Run a full tox screen on this sample; I want your report in an hour, you hear?"_

_The tech scurries away, leaving J'onn to watch as Hamilton rubs a hand across her eyes, sighing deeply before looking up at him. "Where the hell did you send them this time, sir?"_

_He doesn't waste the time in correcting her. "How are they?"_

_The doctor takes the time to peel off her gloves, chucking them towards the nearest bin before turning back to face him with a slight frown. "Kara will be fine," she says, "whatever Kryptonite she was exposed to was potent, so she's still somewhat feeling its effects. But she's under the sunlamps now and she'll be back to normal in no time."_

_"And Alex?"_

_Hamilton's slight hesitation makes J'onn's fear roar back to life. "I need to see the results of her bloodwork before coming to any sort of conclusion. Kara said she injected herself with something; whatever that was produced an extreme reaction,"_

_Extreme, J'onn muses, thinking about how he'd stumbled upon Alex and Kara, and the way the pavement had cracked under Alex's fists. And that had been some time after as well; he can only imagine what Kara had seen._

_There's several words for power like that; unnatural, uncontrollable and dangerous. Yes, he thought,_ extreme _was certainly one way of putting it._

_His apprehension isn't helped in the slightest when the doctor continues._

_"There's another thing; whatever was in that syringe, it's dramatically increased the rate her body is healing at. The bullet wound to her leg was an injury that should've required surgical intervention, followed most likely by months of rehab. But if it continues in this way, she should be back on her feet in a matter of days."_

_It's far too good to be true. "What about possible side effects?"_

_"It's impossible to know," Hamilton answers, shaking her head slightly, "without running those tests. I'm doing all I can, and I'll let you know as soon as I have any answers. But for now…" she trails off, looking as uncertain as J'onn as ever seen her. "We'll just have to watch her closely."_

_J'onn takes a step back, rubbing his burning eyes. "I'll stay with them," he says finally, "for as long as you need."_

_Hamilton nods, stepping to the side so that the door behind her is clear. J'onn makes his way towards it._

_"Sir?"_

_He looks back._

_"I know you need to know what happened. But… don't push them. I've never seen Alex like this. I don't know what she's thinking, and I can't say how she'll react."_

_The memory from earlier returns then, of Alex's blazing eyes and choked-out words. They'd been something unfamiliar in her gaze at that moment, something different and twisted._

_No, he doesn't know how she'll react either.)_

* * *

James Olsen is a man of action.

He became a reporter to expose the myriad of injustices he saw day to day. He became the Guardian to protect those who fell victim to crime. Those around him had asked in multiple times why he felt the need to take such an active stance, why he had to put himself in so much danger; was it because he wanted to change the world? Make it a better place, just like he'd watched Clark and Kara achieve?

And yes, while that was a true, a thousand times over, it also boiled down to the fact that this was  _his fight too_. He couldn't just sit by and wait for others to win the battles. James had to as well.

He had to  _do_  something.

That was why now, instead of standing in wait outside Kara's treatment room along with Winn and Vasquez and the myriad of others the Kryptonian had befriended in her time as Supergirl, he was here; clearing out the debris from the DEO's atrium.

It seemed an insurmountable task, shifting all the loose bricks and chunks of concrete and drywall, made all the more sobering with the knowledge that had they Supergirl's help, the job would've been done in a few mere minutes. But it was also better than just standing there, waiting for news that was progressively grimmer.

He doesn't know how long he's been working for; its been several hours since Kara had come out of surgery, since Winn had told him that Dr. Hamilton had kicked everyone out of her room. All he forces himself to focus on is the repetitive motion of shifting through the piles of debris. The smaller chunks of concrete, he moves to one side; the larger ones- if he can carry them- he shifts to another, where a small group of agents are using various jackhammers to break them into smaller, more manageable pieces.

And like this, with sweat dripping down his back and his muscles screaming with the exertion, he works. And he watches.

Every face he sees is lined with exhaustion; it hangs like a cloud in the very air above them. He's not overly surprised though, because who would've suspected such an attack in the DEO's very own base? Who would've ever expected to see Supergirl fall? And at Alex's hands, none the less.

And there was another reason why he'd become the Guardian: so he could protect the innocent from those with their own dangerous intentions.

But no.

James shakes his head roughly, as if that motion could destroy the thought forever. It hadn't been Alex. He doesn't know the elder Danvers too well- their interactions were limited purely to where they regarded Kara- but he knows that, with every bit of his heart. She'd never had hurt her sister. Not unless there was something deeper at play, something that went far beyond the surface.

And then, cutting through the heavy, laden air, comes a voice. Lined with anger, creased with frustration, and yet completely recognizable, it jolts James upwards, his spine straightening with sharp pains of protest.

He doesn't even hesitate. Ripping off the thick layer of his gloves, he follows Maggie's raised voice.

Surprisingly- only because he would've thought she'd practically be glued to Alex's side at a time like this- James finds her outside Kara's room.

Even more surprisingly, he finds her as she looks about two seconds away from murdering the DEO's head doctor.

"- the  _actual fuck_  is your problem, huh? What the hell do you think's given you the authority to stop me from seeing Kara?!"

And he has to hand it to Dr. Hamilton; even in the face of Maggie's fury, she doesn't so much as take a step backwards. She's probably seen a lot worse, he muses, after working with the DEO for as long as she has. "As the doctor in charge, I have the only right to do what's right regarding my patient. Right now, that means restricting anything that causes her emotional distress-"

"Emotional distress?!"

Hamilton merely blinks. "Yes. Emotional distress. Because as much as you might want to deny it, nothing about this-" she gestures to their surroundings, to the bandages covering a myriad of wounds and to their exhausted faces- "is going to help her. There's nothing here that can help her. Accept that, Detective."

Subtly- so small that James is immediately wondering if he imagined it- he sees Maggie flinch slightly, her eyes flashing with an unknown emotion. It's enough to make him frown, wondering what exactly Hamilton had said that would trigger such a response.

"Besides," the doctor continues, "it wouldn't make much difference now, anyway. We've sedated her so nothing aggravates her wounds any further-"

"You've  _sedated_ her?!"

This is where James intervenes, stepping forward to place a calming hand on Maggie's shoulder. "Alright, how 'bout we just take a sec-"

She shrugs out of his grip, stepping closer to Hamilton with a glare that could cut through glass. "You listen the hell up, alright? I just made a promise to the woman I love that I'd stay by Kara's side. I've already broken one promise to her this week, so you can bet that I'm not all together fine with the idea of you standing in the way of me now."

Maggie's words are laced with an undeniable threat of violence; James takes a step forward, reaching up a hand to steer the Detective away, but is interrupted by the appearance of another voice.

"Alright, that's enough!"

J'onn strides towards them, his face a mask of fury, appearing even the more formidable with the array of bruises shading his face. "Would someone like to tell me just what the hell is going on here?"

Deathly silence is his only answer; even Hamilton seems momentarily lost for words in the face of the Director's anger. It lasts for only a second though, before the doctor steps forward.

"Sir, for the interests of everyone involved, I've temporarily sedated Supergirl so that she receives the rest she needs to heal.  _Detective Sawyer_  here," James sees Maggie's form tighten once again, "was just expressing her disapproval."

J'onn's eyes shift towards Maggie, scanning her up and down, seemingly taking in everything from the exhausted slump of her shoulders to her ruined jacket- she obviously hasn't gotten around to finding something else to change into, and the black leather still bears the marks of the day's earlier events.

"Alright," J'onn finally says, looking to all the people who've gathered to see what all the noise is about, "show's over. Everyone get back to work."

Only a few people are left once the others have hurried away. J'onn sends a look at James, but apparently comes to the conclusion that his presence can't ultimately do any harm, as the Martian merely looks the other way. He's seemingly accepting that James will hear his next words.

J'onn beckons Maggie closer. "Sawyer-  _Maggie_ -" he corrects softly, "as much as it pains me to admit it, but Hamilton's right. Both Alex or Kara need rest, and neither are anywhere aware enough to know if you're there with them or not."

"It doesn't matter whether they're  _aware_ -"

"I know. I know that. But don't you think you'll be more help to them both if you've slept?" he takes a breath, sparing a moment to look around at the grey walls and shadowed corners of the corridor they're standing in. "I know this place, I know how overbearing it is after too long. So take a few hours, get some rest, some food, and come back ready to fight tomorrow," he claps a heavy hand on her shoulder, "without Alex and Kara, we're going to need all the fighters we have. I need you to take care of yourself," and here the Director's eyes take on an undeniable sense of sadness. "You're not the only person that made Alex promises."

* * *

It's a short drive from the DEO to Alex's apartment, something Maggie is profoundly grateful for. But all things considered, it's still a miracle she manages to get there without causing at least four crashes.

She's exhausted, but she also knows enough about her adrenaline-laden mind to know that sleep won't come so easily.

She can't remember the last time she's eaten, but the thought of food makes her stomach turn.

She wants Alex. But Alex had sent her away- to look after Kara yes, but then Hamilton had refused to let her into the room, and then J'onn had all but pushed her out of the door, ordering her to go home and get some rest, and that he'd call the instant anything changed.

So yeah, Maggie doesn't really know what to do now. She stands in the doorway of Alex's apartment for several seconds before gathering her morale; double locking the door, then moving around the apartment, turning on practically every light Alex has, as if that can somehow chase away the sense of isolation gripping her heart.

She throws together a meal out of various leftovers in the fridge, and forces herself to swallow despite the fact that it practically tastes like sawdust in her mouth. Food is a necessity, like sleep ( _like Alex_ ).

Their bed is far too cold and vast, so Maggie drags the comforter off and throws herself down on the couch. She takes the time to unlace her boots and throw her jacket towards the nearest chair, but can't bring herself to do more despite the grime coating her teeth and dust still in her hair.

She'll shower in the morning, Maggie promises herself, and have a proper breakfast. At least then she'll be free from those distractions. At least, then she'll have the strength to face whatever tomorrow throws at her.

The couch feels like a bed of feathers to her bruised body; cramped, yes, but still ridiculously soft to her tired limbs. And far faster than she'd expected, her weighted eyelids drift closed, the familiar sounds of the city lulling her to an exhaustion-induced daze.

But as she'd predicted, her sleep isn't restful.

For with sleep comes the memories of the past few weeks and all the things that make sense now; put into this sharp, unforgiving context.

And it's about as far from restful as she can possible get.

( _Her phone goes off just as she's cinching tight her cuffs around a perp's wrists. She can feel it vibrating through the pocket of her jacket, but ignores it, focusing instead on shoving the blatantly intoxicated man out of the alleyway. Her phone stops buzzing just as her car comes into sight. "You good, Korsak?" she calls over her shoulder._

_Her partner- a man not too much older than her, but with fine strands of grey already shading the hair at his temples, a fact that he's notoriously conscious of- groans, climbing to his feet and brushing off his knees. "Didn't have any coffee this morning," he mumbles, just loud enough for her to hear._

_She grins. "But you did walk in this morning carrying that thermos; what did Kate make you this morning, huh? High-protein punch plus? Something energy boosting?"_

_The glare Korsak sends her only makes her grin widen. "Anything with milk that didn't come from a cow shouldn't unnecessarily be a part of someone's breakfast."_

_Laughing, she opens the door of her car and shoves their perp unceremoniously into the back seat. It's as she's straightening that her phone starts buzzing again._

_"The captain need us?" Korsak asks, seeing her tug the phone from her jacket._

_"God, let's hope not."_

_Maggie looks down at the phone's screen. It's flashing with a number not from her contacts, but a series of numbers she registers vaguely as one that belongs to the DEO._

_It could be Alex. It could be anything. There are so many explanations than the scenarios flashing through her head._

_But that doesn't stop the cold stab of fear gripping her heart as she answers._

_"This is Sawyer… Wait, who is this-? - Winn?!-"_

* * *

_All those months ago, the halls of the DEO had seemed like a veritable maze. Now, she tears through the base like a tornado, conscious of only one thing:_

_Get to Alex._

_The doors to the main medical room slam open as she enters, banging harshly against the wall. It's the corresponding flinch from the person sitting on the closest bed that first catches Maggie's attention. "Kara?"_

_The Kryptonian is sitting cross-legged on the bed, wearing the same clothes Maggie had seen her in earlier that morning. But they're soot-stained and ruined now and her skin's several shades paler than her usual golden glow. She's blinking dazedly against what Maggie immediately recognizes as the sunlamps but still, predictably, in light of all this, tries to reassure her. "I'm okay. I'm okay, I'm sorry, I'm okay. Alex-" she nods to somewhere at Maggie's back, "just go see Alex."_

_She doesn't need any more persuading. Spinning around, Maggie briefly registers J'onn's presence by the far wall, surveying the room with a gaze that seems lidded with the weight of the entire world, before she sees Alex._

_And it feels like the earth tilts under her feet._

_Hours ago- she'd seen Alex just hours ago._

_Her girlfriend's sitting immobile on another medical bed, looking small, pale and utterly drained. Her left leg rests on top of the blankets, bandages wrapped securely around her thigh, and there's a needle pressing into her elbow delivering a three-quarter's full bag of blood._

_A press release. They'd just gone Kara's press release. When had there been the opportunity for something to go so drastically wrong?_

_"Alex?!"_

_In an instant, she crosses the room, cupping Alex's chin with her hand and presses their foreheads together. For a second- just a second- Maggie lets herself revel in the simple peace that comes with having Alex this close, with the knowledge that the girl she loves is just in front of her._

_Reality jerks her back with a sharp jolt._

_She leans backwards. "What the hell happened?" she turns back to Kara, "Winn said something had gone wrong, that something was wrong with Alex. What happened?!"_

_It's Alex's gentle hand on her cheek that brings her back. "Shh, Mags, look at me."_

_She does, looking over her girlfriend's form with a clinical- and undeniably panicked- eye. Maggie's gaze immediately locks onto Alex's leg, to the thick bandages that hide what's obviously a grievous injury. "Your leg- you're hurt-"_

_"It's healing," Alex cuts across immediately._

_Maggie blinks. "What do you mean it's 'healing'?"_

_Alex hesitates, her eyes heavy with words left unsaid. Maggie looks instead to the others in the room, to Kara and J'onn._

_"What happened?"_

* * *

_It's not an easy story to hear. Every sentence that Alex and Kara describe is harder to hear past the buzzing in her ears and the furious pulsing of her heart. Alex's own heartrate notable increases as she explains how the Kryptonite in the elevator had been the first indication that K'Nex had been far from innocent, and Kara's voice stutters slightly as she described what happened in the instants after Alex injected herself with the syringe._

_It's obvious that they both carry guilt for what happened, but to Maggie, there's only two names that stand out in sharp relief._

_Christian and Carter Montgomery._

_Oh, they were_ dead men _._

_Maggie turns to J'onn. "Where are they?_

_He understands her thoughts immediately. "We don't know. They disappeared immediately before the lab exploded," his eyes take on a slight edge, immediately betraying his anger, "but the entire of the DEO's resources is currently dedicated towards the search. We'll find them."_

_It's not near enough to calm Maggie's fury, but it's enough to temporarily quiet it. After all, this was the DEO, and J'onn was the last Red Martian. Surely, with those two factors, they'd be guaranteed to succeed?_

_"They knew about Kryptonite," Kara suddenly says from her bed._

_"Not only did they know about it," Alex adds, "they had it. Hidden in their walls and floors. And they knew it would affect you."_

_"It's been a long time since I've felt Kryptonite that strong," Kara looks down at her hands, rubbing and twisting them together like that will rid herself of the green crystal's effects. "I felt like my skin was burning, like I could've breathe."_

_There's a tense silence then, before J'onn says steadily, "the DEO has taken control of K'Nex's lab for the moment. We'll have a proper analysis of the scene in a short time. Maybe it'll provide some answers for whatever was in that syringe you injected yourself with."_

_Maggie frowns. "But I thought the whole thing blew up, how could there possibly be anything left?"_

_There's just the barest hint of desperation in Maggie's words, something that horrifies her._

_"Hey," Alex says, catching Maggie's hand in her own and squeezing it tightly, "it'll be fine. We'll figure it out. We'll get through it."_

_It's her typical answer; a furious denial to give up, a blatant disregard for the dismal facts they've been presented with._

_It's impossible not to disagree with her words, while those eyes look up at her with such fierce determination. It's impossible. But there's also a part of her mind that sees instead the absolute panic Alex is trying desperately to hide, or the way the muscles in her leg keep noticeably tensing and relaxing, like her body hasn't quite come to terms with the injury it suffered or the unnatural way it's healing._

_Maggie wants to let Alex's words reassure her. But it's too hard, too unrealistic._

_And for the first time since she's known Alex, there's a part of Maggie that doesn't believe her.)_

She's thrust into wakefulness an indeterminate amount of time later by the sound of frantic knocking at the door.

Maggie jerks upwards, heart thundering in her ears and her hand reaching for the gun she'd thrown aside with her jacket. It's probably just one of the neighbours, or possibly even Winn or James. But after the entirety of her adult career seeing the worst that humanity had to show and the stress of the past few weeks, Maggie's approaches the door with her finger hovering over the trigger.

And it's not Winn or James that's outside; it's not anyone that she expected.

"Detective Sawyer?" the figure says, surprise colouring her voice, caution now in her words. "I- I didn't think you'd be here."

Maggie can't answer, is still struggling to find words through the haze between sleep and full alertness.

God, maybe she's still asleep. A dream would be far more explainable than this.

The woman runs a hand through her dark hair, the fair number of flyway's a far cry from her normal sleek appearance, and evidence enough of just how many times this action has potentially been repeated.

"Please," Lena Luthor says, "Look, I know I'm the last person you want to see, but I need to talk to Alex. I've made a huge mistake."

* * *

**Alrighty then, I think I've been working and sitting on this chapter for too long now, I can't deal with it anymore. Bleh, I'm sorry, I hope it was kinda worth the wait.**

**On another note, how's everyone liking Season 3 so far? I gotta say, I'm loving all the Danvers sisters moments. They're so freakin cute so far.**

**THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, once again, you're amazing and all the kind words and comments mean the world.**

**-F**


	6. Chapter 6

**Oh why hello there, my long abandoned friends.**

**I sincerely hope there's actually some people still willing to bear with me with this story, 'cos I know it's been a ridiculous amount of time (enough for me to actually say, I hope you've had a very happy holidays, new year, start and semi-finish of Supergirl, Waitangi day if there's any fellow NZ'ers out there).**

**So yeah, I suck. Buuuuut I suck a little less because I'm also very happy to say that my amazing friend Fandomlove17 has gone even a step further and agreed to look over each chapter for me. So hopefully those niggly little bits that I always miss will be smoothed out, and I'd like to say a massive thank you to her for supporting me so much with this story. Couldn't do this without you babe xxxxx**

**I've struggled and beat this chapter into submission, and I hope it's at least worth the wait. Quick reminder, the bits in italics are flashbacks, running in chronological order since the beginning of this story. There's a month difference between where they started and the present day events, so basically they're just meant to show how we've got to what's happening now. I've made them so they're from different people's perspective, so hopefully that comes through!**

**Alrighty, I'll shut up now. Thank you all so so much for your support with this story, I love you all xx**

**...**

_ Chapter Six: _

Kara loved flying- always had and, she hoped with all her heart, always would.

With flying comes the sky, in its infinite wonder; with flying comes freedom and the undeniable sense of  _rightness_. There was nothing that quite came close, Kara had learned, than the instant when she took to the air with the sun on her face and only the wide expanse of space above her.

But this wasn't flying.

This was… floating.

She didn't know where she was, what was happening, or why there was this indescribable pain that completely shattered her mind whenever she drifted too close to the surface. All she knew was that this haze- this white, cloudy surrounding- was just completely, utterly  _wrong_.

But even as that thought comes to her, it just… disappears, lost to the fog of her memories.

Kara doesn't have the chance to mourn its loss though, because then she's floating away too.

* * *

( _Alex's leg is healed completely two days later._

_Over these days, she's submitted to every conceivable test Hamilton has created. They take hourly blood samples, analyzing the decay of the unknown drug in her system. She's made to breathe into tubes, to clench her fingers into a grip and tense her muscles to test her strength. She must've answered the same questions hundreds of times now._

_Yes, there was a list of chemicals on the label of the vial Alex injected herself with (these, she's made to write down for the chem lab to analyze)._

_No, she didn't recognize all of them._

_And yes, dammit, she understood the risk that came with._

_At the end of these two days, after her daily scan shows just how complete her healing is, the DEO is forced to admit this one thing: they have absolutely no idea what they're dealing with._

_For Alex, the two days where she's stuck at the DEO are filled with an absolute sense of foreboding._

_It's not so much a wait for something horrible to happen, but rather the continuous belief that there was a thing just there, or had been there, or could be there again. While her skin no longer showed the mark, her leg throbbed with the phantom pain of the wound that had so unnaturally healed. With every movement came the memory of the liquid strength that had blazed through her veins, setting alight her muscles with unfathomable power._

_Was this what Kara felt like? Was this what she dealt with every day?_

_Alex doesn't know; unsurprisingly, she isn't anxious to talk about how she's feeling, even with Kara._

_And at the end of these two days, when the DEO is forced- reluctantly, but with little other option- to let her return home, Alex resolves to forget everything that happened._

_She can forget the feel of the needle pressing into her skin, the way her skin burned as the drug flooded her veins. She'll ignore the phantom memories of the bullet carving through her leg, of her muscles stitching back together._

_She'll push it all away._

_And then they can finally move past this.)_

Her father is the latest product of her fevered brain.

He's sitting at her side, running a soft hand through her hair, and under his breath he hums some long-lost melody from her childhood.

"Alex," he says softly, oh so softly, and the way her name sounds from his mouth is like a blanket draping across her battered body. "Alex. Alexandra."

He reaches up a hand, index finger pointing to first one definite spot, then another, then another, tracing patterns across the ceiling in a way the most distant part of her mind recognizes.

"That's Canis Major," she says reflexively, smiling slightly when her father nods in encouragement, "and that's Cygnus."

On and on this goes, with her carefully spotting the constellations, reciting information she'd long thought forgotten. She revels in this simple moment, and lets herself fall deeper into the infinity that space provides.

But slowly, the familiar sky above her stretches, thins, becomes something distorted. The starbursts of light bend and contort until they're unrecognizable. And it's then- when Alex is so thoroughly confused and lost as to where she is and what they're doing and just what the hell is going on- that her father looks to her.

But it's not the face she remembers from her childhood- all smile lines and bright eyes.

Instead, it's the face her father had when he'd betrayed them for Cadmus.

It's the face of a stranger.

"We told you to take care of Kara," he says, "look what a good job you've done."

( _Alex jerks awake with a start, her heart racing and shadows playing at the edges of her vision. The curtains were still drawn, but strips of sunlight showed through the gaps. It was late, obviously later than the usual time that she'd wake up._

_So why didn't she feel rested?_

_Alex sits up, drawing in a harsh breath when the motion sends a wave of dizziness through her head. That was one of the things she'd neglected to mention to the DEO medics; the persistent lightheadedness that attacked her whenever she made a sudden movement. They would've seen it only as another reason to keep her locked away in the DEO for more tests._

_But it was fine; it's only been a day since she left the overbearing care of the DEO. It'd stop by itself._

_Maggie's not in the bed next to her, but the sounds of her voice travel through from the kitchen. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Alex hoists herself up and follows her girlfriend's words. She just manages to make out what Maggie's saying as she reaches the bedroom door and, instinctively, she freezes._

_"_ _I know, sir," she hears Maggie say. Then there's a brief silence while, presumably, the person on the other side of the phone answers. "Yes- I'm aware, but I just need a bit more time off, sir, I believe I have more than enough holiday days owing-"_

_Whoever it is cuts off Maggie again, and then comes the undeniable sound of the Detective letting out a frustrated breath, sharp through her teeth, before she positively snarls out, "I'm well aware of the importance of this case, sir, but this is more important. Korsak can more than handle everything while I'm gone. I'm taking these days off, and I'm prepared to face the consequences for that when I return."_

_Maggie hangs up the phone, and in the silence that follows Alex opens the door, padding silently over towards the kitchen. The detective must hear her approach though, because she turns, giving Alex a smile that doesn't fully reach her eyes. "Hey," she murmurs, brushing back several strands of hair that have escaped from her messy bun, "didn't hear you get up. You hungry?"_

_Alex nods absently, pushing forward to grip the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Was that Weston?" she asks, referring to Maggie's captain, the man she comes home complaining of and praising in equal measure._

_"_ _The one and only," her girlfriend replies, turning to the stovetop._

_"_ _He didn't sound too happy with you asking for more time off."_

_"_ _Yeah, well, he'll live with it." Maggie cracks some eggs into a pan with entirely too much force than is necessary, swearing under her breath when the shell cracks apart and the yolk drips down the side of the pan._

_Alex hesitates for a few seconds, shifting her weight to her other leg- only to switch back in an instant when the phantom pain from the gunshot throbs sharply. "You didn't need to take any more days off."_

_Maggie doesn't even look up. "Yes, I did- I do."_

_"_ _I'm fine, babe. Hamilton wouldn't've released me if she thought something would still be wrong-"_

_"_ _Alex," Maggie interrupts sharply, her eyes alight with so much anger that all Alex can do is stare, "just stop talking, alright? Stop saying things you think will comfort me, because they won't," she turns back to the stove, stirring the eggs with furious, pounding movements. "I don't need your words, or your excuses, and I don't need you to tell me whatever goddamn thing you think Hamilton believes. I don't need anything, except for you to sit down and eat breakfast."_

_By the end of it, she's breathing heavily and even from this relative distance away, Alex can see the way her hands shake as she lifts the pan away from the stove and over to the plates lined up ready on the opposite counter. The eggs have only been cooking for a minute at the most, and they're still a runny mess when Maggie attempts to slide them onto the plates. Alex doesn't say anything though, until the pan slips slightly in her girlfriend's shaky grip and, instinctively, Maggie brings up her other hand to steady it, burning her fingers on the scorching metal. "Shit," she mutters lowly, shaking her hand._

_Alex moves forward instantly, reaching out to take her girlfriend's hand. There's a horrible instant where- with her heart stuttering and her brain completely blacking out- she thinks Maggie will jerk away from the contact. But Alex doesn't even have the time to brace herself for the earth-shattering despair that will bring before Maggie's hand's in her own, small and warm and familiar._

_Just that one touch is almost enough to make her forget why she feared such distance in the first place._

_Almost._

_"_ _Come here," she says roughly, tugging Maggie's arm towards the sink. The water's cool and soothing as it washes over their joined hands. Maggie allows it, standing silently as Alex holds her burned hand gently, her thumb tracing nonsensical patterns over her skin._

_They're close enough for Alex to make out the subtle kaleidoscope of colours in Maggie's eyes, the warm browns and gentle golds that seem to merge together in an impossible, mesmerizing pattern._

_Kara had told her once, about what it felt like in the Phantom Zone, to look out and know that what was in front was endless and infinite, boundless and uncharted. Maybe this is what she'd meant, Alex thought, looking into Maggie's eyes, because she could lose herself forever in their depths._

_"_ _We need to talk."_

_But Maggie's gone again, turning away from her, and when she speaks her words are clipped and cold. "No, we don't. Just- just eat your damn breakfast, alright?"_

_"_ _Maggie."_

_The Detective whirls around. "What exactly would you like me to say, huh? Since you seem to have the answers to everything, Alex, tell me what to say."_

_"_ _I don't have the answers to everything."_

_The laugh that falls from Maggie's lips is pained and breathless. "You don't? Then what made you inject yourself with that needle, huh? What possible reason could you have for that? You do some crazy things for your sister- and I love it, I really do, I love how much you two care about each other. But don't you dare tell me it was for her, 'cos there's not one bit of me that believes it was what Kara would've wanted."_

_Alex groans, rubbing at her eyes till she sees stars. There's a thousand things she could say, none of which would be what Maggie wants to hear. She could explain how afraid she'd been, knowing that her strength was waning with every drop of blood that fell from her leg. She could describe how desperate Kara had been, how hard she'd been fighting despite the Kryptonite that laced the walls and swept through her system like poison._

_She could say all that, and it still would've come close to describing the myriad of emotions that had been running through her mind as she pressed the needle to her veins._

_But, Alex thinks, she owes it to Maggie to at least try._

_She reaches- across a horrible, almost unfathomable distance- for Maggie's hand, and while the Detective doesn't move away from her touch, her hand remains stiff and unmoving in Alex's own. She ghosts her fingertips over the skin of her palm, tracing the familiar paths and ridges, the roughness that has formed over the back of Maggie's knuckles. It'd been something Alex had commented on, a long time ago now, as a sign that they should be together; with all the similarities between their work, their hands were identical._

_"_ _I was thinking about this," she says quietly, interlocking their fingers together and bringing them to her lips, "I was thinking about us," she breathes._

_Maggie's silent for a long time, long enough that Alex isn't entirely convinced that she's not ignoring her, but then eventually she speaks. "I don't want you taking those sorts of risks."_

_"_ _I know."_

_"_ _But I'd be a hypocrite to ask you to stop."_

_Alex doesn't answer, instead choosing to squeeze her girlfriend's hand gently. There's an understanding in the gesture- a thankfulness that Maggie hasn't asked that impossible question, a reassurance that Alex, in turn, won't demand the same._

_Maggie sighs deeply, raising a hand- the one that's not currently trapped in Alex's own death grip- to brush at her eyes quickly. "Just- just please don't do something like that to me again, okay? At least not for a while. Give me some time to recover."_

_In response, Alex tugs her girlfriend closer, pressing her lips to Maggie's forehead and reveling in the impossible amount of reassurance this brings._

_She'd spent the past three days trying to forget the feel of the needle pressing into her skin, of the drug flooding her veins and the impossible strength flowing through her limbs._

_But then with Maggie, she loses herself all over again._

_It's only in retrospect that they'll both realize Alex never actually responded to Maggie's question._

_But maybe that's for the better; if she had, it'd just be another broken promise.)_

Kara is back the next time Alex stumbles into relative clarity. She's a hand brushing against her hair, a flicker of blonde at the edge of her vision, a caress that, despite it's obvious gentleness, still leaves a trail of white-hot pain against Alex's skin.

She's there, and then she's not. She's Supergirl, then Kara. She's bleeding out on the floor, covered in blood and bruises in one instant, and in the next she's whole and perfect, laughing that ridiculously joyous laugh.

And then, almost inexplicably, it's her sister, but as the impossibly young girl she'd been when Kal-El had first bought her to Alex's family.

She sits in a chair in the corner- a chair that definitely wasn't there an instant ago, in a corner of a room Alex can't identify- and she's just so s _mall_  that her feet barely scuff the floor as she swings her legs gently.

Alex stares. "Kara," she thinks she says. Her tongue so cracked and her throat so horribly dry that she isn't entirely sure the name makes it past her lips. "Kara."

The girl stills, turning to face her. And while the colour of her eyes- a blue so bright and pure- is familiar, there's another emotion there that Alex has never seen.

"Kara," she wants to say. But now the world is fading again. But not into the swirling expanse of colours she's expecting. This is something dark and grey. This is falling. This is nothing. "Kara…"

Alex is powerless now, gripped by the shadows. And her eyes blink once, twice.

Was it always this hard to breathe? Did she always have to fight this hard? And God, she's so tired of fighting.

"Kara…"

She breathes.

In and out. In and out. In… and then…

And then…

* * *

J'onn stands outside of Alex's room once again, just watching through the one-way glass as she thrashes against the bed.

It must be early morning by now, and the only change in Alex's status is her slowly rising temperature. It now hovers just above 101 degrees. And it's enough to have everyone even more on edge- the doctors, that is. J'onn watches in a steady disconnection.

That's not his favourite agent thrashing against the restraints.

Just like it's not the girl from the stars lying in a medically-induced haze back in the infirmary.

It's this blatant denial of the facts right in front of him, rather than anything, which has been keeping him going. It's an illusion of safety, he knows, but it still remains so much easier than facing this reality.

The agent he'd left in charge of the hunt for the Montgomery's had just sought him out. With exhausted eyes and a frustrated- if not, defeated- voice, he'd explained that once again, their increased efforts in finding the father and son remained hopeless.

He's grown to accept that now, though. There's not many people capable of remaining outside the scope of the government's reach for such an extended time. The fact that the Montgomery's have means that they've got something else at play, and that same thing will continue to be in play until J'onn can understand who- or perhaps, what, he's now thinking- they're dealing with.

Which has led him right back to here. Because J'onn's sure that the only person capable of the knowledge is on the other side of the cell.

"Kara…" Alex calls from inside the room, her voice a whisper- and a broken one at that, falling heavily in the stark room. "Kara."

J'onn bows his head, no longer physically able to watch. He doesn't know if Alex is calling for Kara because she's aware of what's happened, or if she's lost in some feverous delirium, trapped within memories.

Either way, it's hard to hear.

Either way, it's heartbreaking.

( _On the day Alex is cleared to return to work, Kara arrives at the DEO a few minutes earlier, dressed in her Supergirl outfit and bearing a small, slightly grease-stained, white box._

_She catches J'onn's glance and grins. "For Alex," she says, almost bouncing on her feet, "they're her favourite."_

_The logo on the top has an address finding the store in Georgia, meaning that she must've flown over 2000 miles before coming here, but J'onn doesn't question it. For the past two weeks while Alex has been on forced leave, the few times Kara had stepped foot inside the DEO, she'd been different. She still went about her business as Supergirl to an impeccable standard, but when she was actually on the base, working with the agents, she was quieter, more reserved, as if not completely sure as to her place in the agency without her sister by her side._

_Which was ridiculous, of course, but not entirely incomprehensible._

_So instead of rolling his eyes, as Winn does, or chuckling in amusement, like Vasquez, he stays silent, merely giving Kara a gentle smile of encouragement._

_They're not waiting for very long before Alex enters, a little slower than usual, her usual blank face slightly colder than it usually is. But she still grins when she sees them waiting for her, and the fond laugh she rewards Kara with when she sees the box in her hands is just as warm and bright as it usually is._

_"_ _You shouldn't've," Alex says, even as she opens the lid, groaning at the smell of the fresh pastry._

_Kara's smile is blinding. "I wanted to do something special for you, to celebrate you coming back to work."_

_"_ _Exactly. 'Cos since I'm back to work, I need to follow my usual workout regime."_

_Kara barely hesitates a second, taking a bouncing step forward with her hands outstretched, already making grabbing motions. "Oh! No worries, I'll just take those back then-"_

_"_ _Don't you even dare," Alex warns, tucking the box protectively against her chest._

_Any interest that Alex had drawn at her entrance is practically lost then at this familiar sight. Because it's just Agent Danvers and Supergirl, just Alex and Kara, with their gentle teasing and squabbling and impossible closeness. For the moment, at least, it's familiar enough to quiet the rumors._

_J'onn though, can't stop the niggling seed of doubt in the back of his head. "Agent Danvers," he says in greeting. She straightens, turning to face him- and yes, there it is: she's favoring her left leg, only slightly, barely noticeable, but enough to set off a small alarm bell._

_"_ _J'onn," she says, "it's good to be back."_

_Her voice is different too; unyielding and firm, like she has to prove a point rather than the easy confidence she used to have._

_And that's all it takes for him to decide._

_"_ _Not completely back," he reminds her pointedly, hating himself as he watches Alex's shoulders tighten. "Agent Danvers, you're required to fully complete the mandatory psych evaluation, following which you'll be writing a very extensive report on what happened two weeks ago, to be on my desk by the end of the day. Understood?"_

_The Alex Danvers of the past would've protested furiously- and she does still now, but there's an undercurrent of something different lining her thoughts, the barest hint of actual, undeniable fear._

_He fixes her with a sharp look, daring her to argue, and watches as her face locks down completely._

_Kara's eyes are wide and watchful, but Alex merely nods once. Giving her sister a small smile, she turns and walks in the direction of the offices, towards where the DEO's resident psychologists are no doubt waiting for her._

_There she'll be carefully analysed and monitored, questioned and scrutinized. It was no secret that that set of offices were some of the most dreaded among the agents. But, J'onn theorized, an absolute necessity._

_"_ _You think she's ready to come back to work then?" Winn asks, palming his tablet tightly._

_"_ _She's Alex," Kara says, as if it's the simplest thing in the world. "Of course she's ready."_

_And they walk away, following Alex._

_They don't notice his silence. They don't notice his doubt.)_

It's an absence of  _something_  that draws J'onn from his thoughts.

It takes him a moment to place it, but then amid the chaos of the DEO, there's one less maelstrom of emotions.

And it's because, he realizes, he's not registering  _Alex_  anymore.

And then suddenly, there's a noise; a harsh, abrasive, furious beeping.

But not from immediately close to J'onn.

No.

Instead, he spins around, fully aware of, but not really prepared for, the sight he knows will greet him.

Alex motionless on the bed, a blaring contrast to the furious flashing from the heart monitor to her left, which shows a steady, unchanging flat line.

" _Alex_ ," he breathes, putting his palm to the glass.

Barely an instant later, Dr. Richards and several other medics crash into the room, and then suddenly the previous stillness that had gripped the room earlier is replaced with a flurry of activity. J'onn can't make out what they're saying through the thick glass between them, but if he concentrates hard- an increasingly difficult task now, considering the emotional strain he's now feeling- he can instead catch fleeting and panicked thoughts.

- _stat's falling_ -

- _temp's through the roof_ -

- _need to get some anti-seizure meds through that line before her system entirely collapses_ -

J'onn pulls himself back, reins himself in.  _Distance_ , he reminds himself,  _and disconnection_ ,  _that's not Alex that's not Alex, it's fine._

Oh, the fuck is he kidding?

That's Alex and he's  _terrified_.

The doctors fly around the room, rushing to treat Alex, desperately working to save her life, to get her heart beating once more. They throw terms around to each other, each sounding more complicated and concerning than the previous, and all J'onn can do is just stand there and stare at the chaos unfolding before him.

"Come on, Alex," he mutters-  _pleads_ \- "come on, come on, fight."

 _For Kara_ , he thinks,  _for Maggie._   _For Eliza, and James and Winn._

_For the myriad of people who can't live without you, Alex._

_Fight._

* * *

The second Dr. Richards steps out of Alex's room, J'onn steps forward, crowding the unassuming man with all the force of his intimidating, director figure. " _What happened_?" he growls out.

The doctor instinctively tries to take as step backwards, but finds quickly that there's no space for him to do so. Instead, he's forced to face the full force of the Martian's anger. He visibly swallows. "We've got her stabilized now," is all he offers as answer, and it's not near enough to calm J'onn's blazing worry.

" _What_.  _Happened_ "

"We've been carefully analyzing the drugs in her system," Richards forces out, the words nervous and stuttering. "And while we haven't yet received the results of her bloodwork back from the lab, we've noted that they're decaying in a way that is, at least, reasonable."

It's taking all of J'onn's considerable mental strength not to scour the man's mind himself; that'd be a definite way of getting the answers he needs faster.

"Just tell us what happened, man," comes a voice from behind. J'onn turns slightly, noting that he's no longer alone in his vigil, that James Olsen and Winn are standing behind him. He's oddly reassured by their presence.

The doctor takes a second to compose himself, straightening his white coat and clearing his throat and good God, who was this man? Surely J'onn wouldn't've hired someone this infuriating?!

"What was also reasonable, was Agent Danvers' condition over the past 24 hours. Her fever, the delirium, they are all classic indicators of someone experiencing withdrawal."

"Whoah," Winn says, "but Alex can't be-  _addicted_ \- to anything, right?" His voice, as usual, lilts up towards the end, an ever-present question to the world at large.

And J'onn wants to answer him, to reassure, to maintain the delusion that things will be so easily fixed. But with each new revelation comes the sense that things are just completely falling through his fingers. Surely-  _surely_ \- there's another explanation for this.

But that's just the thing- because if there is, he can't see it.

Richards answers instead. "I can't make any judgements until we get the results back on her bloodwork. Regardless of whatever those tests show, we're going to proceed more cautiously with her treatment now."

"But how is that possible? How could she have this level of addiction- how could that drug still be so present in her blood- that it's having this effect on her now?"

At this, Richards shakes his head firmly. "No. I've never seen anything like this before, but I can tell you this; based on the decay rates we're seeing now, that drug was injected into her system far more than one time. Recently too."

Silence is a funny thing, J'onn muses. Back on Mars the concept simply didn't exist, because how could you have such impossible quiet when, at all possible times, your mind was filled with noise?

And right now, everyone's thoughts were screaming.

James talks first, voicing what everyone else seems apparently unable to. "Then I'm just going to ask the question everyone else is thinking: where did she get more of the drug?"

* * *

It's not so much the fact that Lena Luthor is standing at Alex's door. And it's not even that she's asking to see Alex. It's the fact that- for the first time that Maggie has ever seen her, including all those months back where she'd arrested the L-Corp executive in her own office- she actually looks  _worried_.

"What are you doing here?" Maggie asks, rubbing hard at her eyes- traces of sleep still cling to her mind like cobwebs and honestly, she's still not entirely sure she's not hallucinating Lena right now.

"I already told you," the Luthor says, her voice cool and even, "I need to see Alex. Is she here?" she moves to look past Maggie into the apartment, but with one smooth motion the Detective blocks her way. Lena freezes instantly, and while her dark eyes flash with some unknown emotion, her face remains impassive. "I don't want to argue with you."

Maggie chokes out a laugh, leaning against the doorframe with a nonchalance she certainly doesn't feel. "That's funny. Because I  _definitely_  want to argue with you."

And yeah, maybe she is taking some of her frustration out on Lena right now, and there's a part of her- the usually more reasonable, 'good cop' mindset- that's telling her to rein it in.

But then the memories of the past week come back to her- her memories of Kara, more specifically.

And her frustration hardens into something far worse.

Lena's jaw noticeably clenches, and when she speaks next there's a definite clip to the end of her words, as if she's struggling to maintain the mask of professionalism she usually flawlessly holds. "I know you don't understand, but right now I'm here to help. This has nothing to do with Kara."

"Nothing to do with Kara?!" Maggie echoes in disbelief, "I- you-" for a second she flails, completely lost in the face of the fact that Lena  _doesn't know about what's happened_.

She doesn't know about the explosion at the DEO, or about Alex or  _anything_  about Kara. How could she have known?

But then, with the cold sense of certainty that comes with a sudden realization, Lena's words came back to her.

_'_ _I made a mistake. I need to talk to Alex.'_

And she realizes that her earlier assumptions weren't entirely correct; while Lena obviously wasn't aware of recent events, she most certainly knew  _something_.

"What aren't you telling me?" she asks furiously. It's then- as her hands start to quiver- that Maggie notices she's still carrying her gun in her left hand, and even as she realizes this, she sees Lena's eyes travel to it, widening imperceptibly. She doesn't move away though, if anything, the steps closer, as though daring Maggie to use it.

"I don't have the time to give you an explanation," she says, and her voice has the same steely emotion that Maggie's heard her use to silence entire boardrooms, "I'm here for Alex." And with that, Lena pushes Maggie's restraining hand away, pushing boldly past her into the apartment. And after barely a split second of hesitation, Maggie turns to follow her, slamming the door shut so the neighbours won't be disturbed the verbal bitch fight that's about to occur. She takes a moment, as well, to place her gun back with her jacket, slung over the chair.

Lena strides through the apartment, checking each room to make sure Alex isn't there. By the time she gets back to the main space, where Maggie's been waiting for her, she's wearing a look that- if Maggie didn't know better- she'd call  _panic_.

"Where's Alex?"

"Not here."

This time is Lena's turn to growl furiously. "When are you going to understand that I'm trying to help her- to help  _you_."

"When you tell me just what the hell you've got to do with anything."

"I can do that," Lena says, stepping closer, "or I could spend that time telling you how to save Alex."

It's like a lightning strike; a split second of absolute shock, followed by devastation.

Maggie doesn't even register that she's advanced on the L-Corp CEO, enough so that they're standing barely an inch apart, looking furiously into each other's eyes. " _What do you_ -" she starts to say.

She never gets it out though.

Because at that precise moment, her phone rings.

Normally, she wouldn't answer it. She's all but about to throttle Lena, and she needs to be fully focused to keep that anger in check. But her intuition kicks in- that small part of her mind that gives her such a good read of people, that seems to sense danger before the threat has even made itself known. And she knows- just  _knows_ \- that it's J'onn on the phone. That something's happened to Alex in the time that she's gone.

She looks up. "You said you made a mistake. With Alex?" she asks.

Lena nods. "She came to me, asking for help. I didn't realise what it was," her voice drops a little, and she shifts where she stands, "I should've done."

If there's an apology laced in her words, Maggie ignores it. It's not an apology she wants. "And Kara? Was the way you handled that a mistake too?"

At the mention of Kara's name, Lena goes still, her eyes flashing dangerously. "I… I haven't quite decided yet." Her gaze flickers briefly towards one of the photos Alex has lining the walls, a simple one of Alex and Kara from when they were teenagers. In the photo, their heads are pressed together, a contrast of blonde and dark hair, and they grin broadly at whoever's taking the photo.

It's the subtle shift in Lena's gaze that makes up Maggie's mind.

"Come on," she says, moving to grab her jacket and gun, "I need to get back to the DEO. You're coming with me."

* * *

**Woohoo! Finally got there! Things are moving on a bit faster now, but I'm just gonna say that the next chapter's a doozy. It's gonna be a big one, where some things come together and a few more things fall apart. So please bear with me, cos this story's still got a way to go yet.**

**I'd love to hear any and all thoughts on this chapter, but thank you all soo much for continuing to read and follow and favourite! Your support means the world.**

**Let's see how long the next chapter takes for me to get out, shall we?**

**-F**


	7. Chapter 7

**Aaaalrighty, where to begin.**

**So, it's been 1 day less (lol, well done me) than 4 months since I've updated this story. That's a freakin third of a year that's gone way too fast, and that's a crazy amount of time to leave you guys hanging, so I apologize sincerely for that. I'm guessing I don't need to tell anyone how unpredictable and busy life can be, and sadly this story just got kinda pushed to the side.**

**That being said, it's about the longest chapter I've ever written, so at least there's that. It actually ends a whole lot earlier than I'd originally planned, cos it was just actually getting ridiculous to manage, but hey, small victories.**

**Thank you all so so much for all you super kind words & gentle prodding to get my lazy butt into motion.**

**On that note, shoutouts for KaraLena90, my infinitely awesome friend (also responsible for the amazingness that is "Small Problems of the Mind", which you should all really check out, if you already haven't :D)**

**Also, Fandomlove17, for helping me out when I need it. Hope this chapter was worth the wait, awesome girl!**

**Thank you all so so much for your continued support, I love you all xxx**

**(Oh, disclaimer, I don't know how 911 calls work- there's a slight spoiler for you all :p)**

**...**

_ Chapter Seven: _

Lena had heard about the illusive government agency known only as the DEO, mentioned in passing by some important official or theorized about on some illusive page on the darknet. She knew that they were in charge of protecting the community from alien threats, that Supergirl worked with them to achieve this.

But she never thought she'd ever find herself swept into their reach, much less walking through their main doors.

Oh, if Lillian could see her now.

Maggie moves with a frantic urgency. The instant her car is thrown into park, she's moving, across the underground carpark and towards the entrance. It's only as the myriad of guards- some, Lena notes with alarm, are sporting very recent-looking injuries, and all look exhausted- stop Lena from passing through very effectively with several loaded guns, that Maggie stops.

"She's with me," she tells them. They don't lower their weapons.

"All due respect, Sawyer," one rebuts. Several patches of his uniform are stained suspiciously dark, but he stands firm. "You don't really have the authority to decide who comes in and out of here."

"She's a Luthor," another one of them says, as if that explains everything. And Lena should be used to this, should expect the hatred and anger that that name provides. She'd learned to hide it well- after all, you didn't get as far as she had in the world of business without developing a seemingly imperious thick skin- but she'd never quite built up a tolerance to the people who spat her name like a curse.

It was Kara- Kara, with her impossibly bright eyes, a blue so deep and luminous they appeared to reflect the entirety of the galaxy- that had told her different.

"You shouldn't want the whole world to love you," she'd said one night, her gaze earnest and undeniable, "and you don't need it. All you need is a few good people."

"And do you? Believe me that is?"

Kara hadn't even hesitated. And maybe that was the greatest magic of all. "Of course I do."

A few good people, Lena muses, watching as Maggie's fists clench at her side, aren't actually as hard to find as she would've thought. Or maybe it was because they simply flocked to Kara's side, drawn to her undeniable presence.

"I don't have the time," Maggie grits out, "to deal with your macho bullshit. She's coming with me; either you deal with that, or you follow us, or go find the Director and whine to him about it. Do whatever, but we're leaving."

And with that, she grabs Lena by her shoulder, dragging her past the guards and towards a long, dark hallway. It's only as they're a few steps away that one of the guards yells out again, his words dripping with condescension.

"What the fuck are you even doing here, Sawyer? Now your girlfriend's gone ape-shit- don't you have your own job to be getting to?!"

Maggie doesn't even slow down, but her grip on Lena's arm tightens almost to the point of being painful. Lena doesn't offer any word in protest- she doesn't dare. She doesn't know enough to understand the man's words, and she's not entirely sure what to expect from this illusive government agency in the first place; maybe an army of agents wielding the most advanced weapons modern technology has to offer, maybe swarms of aliens roaming freely.

Maybe, she thinks, her heart thumping, Supergirl, striding through the hallways with that endless confidence.

Whatever she expects, it's certainly not the sight of the atrium in ruins.

Some attempt has obviously been made to clear some of the debris, but the large space remains still horribly damaged. The blast zone was relatively contained though, she notes, seeing the limited space the worst of the damage spreads to. Still though, if anyone was close to its origin point…

She doesn't realize she's frozen in place, staring wildly, until Maggie tugs on her arm again. The Detective is gentle this time though, and her eyes are filled with pitying understanding rather than anger. "Come on," she says, pulling her towards a set of doors, "I need to find J'onn."

Deadly silence follows them, as oppressive and haunting as a dark cloud on the horizon. Lena finds her eyes slipping fluidly, scanning her new surroundings and the faces of the people Maggie drags her past- the few of them there are. And while the only horrible damage seems to be that initial entrance area, each agent is dead-eyed and exhausted, like the very soul has been sucked out of them.

It's… surprising, to say the least. What could've possibly happened that caused the damage in the atrium, and these subsequent reactions?

Maggie doesn't hesitate in her movements. With a single-minded purpose, she leads Lena down a long, straight hallway, making a right, then pushing through a set of doors. And it's only then- as she nearly runs them right into the imposing figure Lena recognizes instantly- with a sudden surge of panic- as Hank Henshaw.

"Oh  _shit_ ," she says, trying to pull away from Maggie's grip. He can't be here, he works for Lillian, what the hell is going on? Doesn't Maggie  _know_?

Confusion breaks through her panic a moment later, when Henshaw turns to her and she sees that the side of his face is not the horrible glowing, mechanic blue that sometimes haunts her dreams, but normal skin.

Her confusion deepens when Maggie addresses him.

"J'onn- where is she? Is Alex alright?" There's a furious kind of panic in her voice, bordering on desperation, but still he seems unable to form an answer. He- J'onn?- tilts his head slightly, stepping aside to her let go past, but puts a hand out to stop Lena from following. And this time, Maggie doesn't turn back to protest; she's too busy, Lena sees, in racing over to the side of the person lying in the hospital bed. Pale and limp, it takes Lena far too long to recognize that it's Alex.

A gasp tears itself from her lips, despite herself, and all she can do is stare.

Because everything just became that much more real.

Alex's face- the only bit of skin Lena could actually see past the veritable hoard of machines and monitors surrounding her bed- was past pale, instead appearing this horrible, unhealthy grey. Her chest rises and falls weakly, assisted practically entirely, it seems, by the respirator to her left.

Maggie stumbles towards the bed, gripping the mattress like it's the only thing holding her up. And in that furious grip, Lena can see just how much she wants to grab onto Alex's hand, to feel her skin against her own, to gain reassurance in something other than the monitors that her girlfriend is, at least for the moment, still fighting. But Lena can also see, with the battle of emotions playing out on her face, that Maggie knows she can't, that she feels like she can't even touch her.

It's almost enough to make Lena want to throw herself on the ground, to beg forgiveness from everyone for all her mistakes. But if there's one good thing that her last name has taught her, it's that mere apologies don't fix anything. It was the funny contradiction she'd discovered about the modern world; what you said had the power to absolutely shatter a reputation, but when it came to building it back up again, well… that required something far more forceful.

She turns to J'onn, forcing steel into her posture and an impassiveness into her face, and while he raises an eyebrow at the coolness in her gaze, he says nothing- nothing, that is, except for a quiet, "Come with me."

* * *

J'onn calls for a war council.

At least, that's what it seems like to James. He's not an agent, he doesn't know the ins and outs, but he can recognize when a leader is gathering those close to him; the ones that can help move everything forward.

It does make him question why J'onn requested him to be here, but James doesn't voice his uncertainty. Not when  _Lena Luthor_  walks through the door, right after the director himself.

He's not the only one obviously surprised. Winn, where he sits, lets out a small noise of disbelief, gasping quietly, "oh um… okay then." Vasquez, on the other side of the table, merely narrows her eyes slightly. James simply finds himself staring, as J'onn gestures for her to sit in the chair immediately to his left. She does so immediately, folding herself down gracefully and leaning back and crossing her arms like this is just another one of her board meetings.

James prides himself though, in reading people, in studying other's emotions until they're as familiar as his own. Lena hides it well- which he understands, of course, because how else could anyone have been so successful in the face of the anger her very name incites?- but there's still something in her gaze that has him on edge. Not that he thinks it's a mistake that she's here, but it does make him wonder, exactly,  _why_.

"Where's Maggie?" Winn asks.

J'onn falls into the chair at the top of the table with the exhaustion of a man who's seen this sort of situation far too many times. "With Alex," is all he says, and the silence afterwards is filled with the sound of, 'where else would she be?'

There's another woman here, on the other side of where Dr. Hamilton sits, but who James has never seen before. She's young, maybe about Kara's age, with blonde hair tumbling gently to her shoulders and glasses over her brown eyes which do nothing to take away from their obvious spark of intelligence. She leans forward. "I heard that her status deteriorated; is she alright?"

There's a flicker of satisfaction- childish, perhaps, but at this stage James will take humor from wherever he can get it- as he realizes that Alex's doctor isn't here, and instead it's J'onn that answers.

"She's stable for the moment."

"And Kara?" the woman asks again.

It's Hamilton that answers this time. "She's showing signs of improvement too. The levels of solar radiation in her cells is increasing and her wounds are showing minute signs of healing." She turns to J'onn. "I would still have preferred to have stayed with her though, to monitor her progress."

J'onn bows his head in acknowledgement. "I understand that, but I also need everyone here for this, everyone who had anything to do with Alex and Kara in the past few weeks."

That makes them all pause, with no small number of eyes flitting back to where Lena sits.

"Dr. Marris," J'onn continues, looking towards the blonde woman, "I'd like for you to start. In your position, you were in charge of Alex's evaluation when she first returned to work."

The woman- Dr. Marris, J'onn now knows- nods. But she says nothing else, her brown eyes slightly defiant.

J'onn obviously sees it too. "I'm not asking you to divulge exactly what she said. I respect that privacy. But we need to know what happened."

"What happened," she replies, "was that I did my job."

"I'm not questioning that."

"Aren't you?" Dr. Marris fires back, "that's why I'm here, right? You want to know at what point I screwed up; at what time I missed something I shouldn't've."

That's when Lena Luthor speaks up, for the first time since entering the room, and everyone's gaze immediately snaps back to her. "Oh, I think we can say we all missed a few things here, can't we?" she gives a small laugh that practically drips with a cool fury- though exactly where that anger is directed, James couldn't say. "If we're going to start attributing the blame to any one person, this might be a very long meeting."

The silence that follows is strung tight with tension.

"She was confused," Dr. Marris eventually says. "She didn't know what she wanted. I helped her."

_(It's probably violating some form of principal, but at this point Dr. Sarah Marris honestly couldn't bring herself to care; after three years working as the head psychologist for the DEO, she reckoned she'd earnt the right to have an agent blacklist of sorts._

_It was right there, taped to the inside cover of her notebook; a numbered list, with about ten names, ranging from the most to the least difficult._

_Unsurprisingly, two of the top three names on that list had the last name Danvers._

_It was a rare day when either of the sisters came to talk- or rather, were sent under numerous threats to talk- and Sarah always loved and dreaded these days with equal measure. Loved, because her day undoubtedly became just that much more interesting when the Danvers were involved; and dreaded, because God, did the mental cartwheels she had to do to get some answers leave her with the world's worst headache._

_She owed a lot to them though, and not just because of their habits of saving the world from nasty, fiery deaths. The both of them, with their strength and undeniable resilience, were practically the physical embodiment of hope._

_Hope that there was good in the world, that there were people willing to fight for it, that sometimes those people, against all odds, could actually win._

_And yeah, the professional in her recognized how dangerous her reliance on them both was. Did she care?_

_Not in the fucking slightest._

_The knock on her door is firm. Sarah yells out for Agent Danvers- because honestly, who else could it possibly be? Everyone avoided this area like the plague- to enter. Alex strides into the room like she's proving a point, but she moves immediately to grip the back of a chair, subconsciously placing it between them._

_Sarah would laugh, if it wouldn't make her job that much more harder._

_She smiles. "Agent Danvers, nice to see you. Anything to drink? Coffee?"_

_Alex shakes her head, scowling. "No, I don't need coffee. Because I've been sleeping fine."_

_Sarah snorts, despite herself. "Sometimes coffee is just coffee, Alex. I promise my job is usually more complex than carefully analyzing how much caffeine you load your system with."_

_The Agent rolls her eyes, but moves from behind the chair towards the middle of the room. Sarah watches as she looks around, raising an eyebrow at the doctor as if to ask, where do you want me? Sarah smiles, indicating to the large couch pushed against the far wall. Alex makes her way over to one end, sitting down and immediately crossing her arms in front of her chest and staring back at her defensively._

_Dear God, she was always such a cliché._

_"_ _Alright then," with a drawn out sigh, Sarah throws herself down on the other side of the couch, taking a huge sip of her tea and scrolling through the file open on her tablet. It details Alex's medical report Hamilton had recently sent up, also attached is Kara's own report, written only days after what they're now apparently referring to as the K'Nex incident. It's not near the first time she's looked at it, but there's still so much she doesn't understand._

_At the moment though, that doesn't worry her. She's not an agent; her responsibility doesn't lie in figuring out the nuances of a mission. Her job is to figure out exactly how much the shit they'd just been through had affected the DEO's agents. That didn't, as so many of them believed, involve trying to plow through their defences._

_She believed in fixing, not breaking. She believed in helping people._

_"_ _This is your first day back, huh? Then let me be the last to say, welcome back."_

_"_ _I'll be more grateful when I get to do my real job."_

_Sarah chuckles. "Yeah, I'll bet. Desk duty, that must be fun." Alex's glare is nothing sort of murderous, and this time Sarah really does laugh. "No use looking at me like that, babe. You want your job back? That's fine, let's make things simple."_

_Alex is staring at her intently, the sincerest form of disbelief and distrust creasing her brow. She doesn't interrupt though which, Sarah figures, should at least count for some form of progress._

_"_ _All I want, is for you to tell me whether you regret anything that happened down there in that lab."_

_Alex starts. "Why would I regret anything?" she fires back immediately._

_"_ _Oh, I don't know," Sarah rolls her eyes, "I like to think that humans generally have pretty good self-preservation instincts. Evolution's handy like that."_

_Alex scowls, shifting her gaze towards the floor. Sarah can't help but notice though that as she does, one of her hands drops to absently rub at her leg, like it pains her, despite the fact that if the medical evaluations are to be believed, that particular wound had healed at an unnatural rate. Physically, it should barely be bothering her anymore._

_That's not what catches her attention though; rather, it's the fact that Alex seemingly hasn't even noticed her slip._

_"_ _I saved my sister," Alex says, "I saved us both. I'll never regret anything if that's what I achieve."_

_Sarah inclines her head. "Yeah, I can get that. I don't have a sister, but if I did I'd hope that we'd have a relationship like that. Where we'd do anything for each other."_

_"_ _I'm not an idiot though, you think it's a bad thing."_

_She considers it. It's not in Sarah's nature to lie, but she's also not fool enough to be ignorant of the effect the entire truth would have on Alex at this point. She settles for somewhere in the middle. "I don't think it's something bad; I think it's brave. And in the end, who am I to demand something different. After all, don't we all fight for what we love?"_

_Alex's expression falls into one of impatient disbelief. "But?" she prompts._

_Sarah grins slightly. "But- you're not a normal person, Alex. You're an incredible agent, who's put in years of hard work and sacrifice to get to the position you're in now. Two weeks ago, you were put in the horrible situation of Catch 22, and yes, because of the decision you made, you saved yourself and Kara. But I want to know if you recognize the consequences of that decision. I want to know that you realize the risks you took, the sacrifice you almost made."_

_Alex falls back against the couch, rubbing a hand across her eyes roughly. Another person may have seen that action as her trying to furiously wipe away her tears, but Sarah knows better; she's not close to crying, she's close to overwhelming frustration._

_"_ _Of course I understand," Alex finally says, "God, of course I get it. It's you who doesn't. You and J'onn… Maggie, she tries, but she still worries. And who am I to doubt that?" She fixes her gaze with Sarah's own, earnest and undeniable. "You think that Kara and I- our relationship- is a risk, because of what we'd sacrifice for each other. What I'm trying to say though, is what if it makes us stronger?")_

The Doctor finishes her report with a frown, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat. "Agent Danvers returned to my office twice over the following two weeks," she says. "She'd talk about her progress in the labs, about Supergirl, about the search for the Montgomery's. The last time I talked to her was four days ago."

"And in that time, you never cleared her for field duty. Did you at any point consider it?"

Dr. Marris hesitates, her brow furrowing. "Near the beginning, I almost did. But as time progressed it became more and more apparent that she'd been affected in more than just a physical way. And when Kara started coming to me with her own concerns…" she trails off, but her meaning is clear enough.

J'onn leans forward. "But did you see any indication that Alex was experiencing… something more than the trauma that could be expected from what happened that day. Anything unnatural or unexpected, did you see that?"

And at that, the Doctor's eyes sharpen. "Did  _you_?"

( _The DEO takes control of the site of the K'Nex lab. It takes J'onn several days to do so; after all, the local law enforcement is unsurprisingly reluctant to hand over an active crime scene to a federal department, despite the fact that they have no choice in the matter. And the presence of Kryptonite and the… unnatural effect the drug had had on Alex gives the DEO more than enough jurisdictional authority._

_What this means, though, is that even two weeks after the initial incident, their labs are still only in the beginning stages of analyzing the evidence that was pulled from the wreckage of the explosion. It's a hell of a job, and with Alex out of the field, it's about to become her primary focus._

_Taking a deep breath, Alex walks through the doors of her lab. The words of Dr. Sarah Marris are still ringing in her ears, but she draws comfort from the familiar setting and the presence of her sister at her side._

_"_ _Whoah," Kara says as she sees the sheer amount of containment boxes and evidence bags that are piled up around the room. "This is… busy…"_

_Picking up the closest bag and peering at the molten, blackened hunk within that may once have been a scale, Alex snorts. "It's a mess."_

_"_ _It just needs a bit of hard work."_

_"_ _No," comments one of the lab techs as he wheels past another trolley of charred evidence, "it's a mess."_

_Kara laughs, moving over to one of the few bare spots on a table and hoisting herself up onto it, swinging her legs gently. Despite Alex's earlier playful protests, she's managed to find one of the pastries she'd bought for her earlier and Kara happily bites into it, powdered sugar gently falling onto her skirt. Like this, it's hard to see her as anything except Alex's dorky little sister, despite the cape that hangs from her shoulders and the emblem on her chest. And the look she fixes Alex with, all blue eyes and kindness and concern; that's all Kara._

_"_ _How was the evaluation with Sarah?" she asks, her voice level and careful._

_Alex shrugs. "As good as it was ever going to get. Don't get too close to that, by the way," she adds on sharply, as Kara moves to peer closer at some of the remains. "There was a hell of a lot of Kryptonite in that lab, I don't want to take the risk that the explosion dispersed some onto everything that was there."_

_Kara retracts her hand quickly._

_Alex drops her bag, surveying the lab with a wary eye. "God, this is gonna take years."_

_"_ _I can help."_

_Alex smiles. "Thanks, but don't you have to get back to work soon? I thought Snapper was on your back for not getting that story?"_

_Kara pulls a face, deflating slightly. "Yeah, I thought his face was gonna explode when I told him I didn't have anything from the press release. He took it a bit better though when he heard about the lab exploding and the Montgomery's disappearance. Guess that's a whole lot more of a story than he thought he was gonna get."_

_"_ _He still doesn't know you were involved though, right?" Alex says sharply._

_"_ _No- no, of course not. He just thinks we left right after the conference ended," she pauses then, her forehead creasing as she frowns. "You didn't really answer my question, you know, about your evaluation…"_

_Alex lets out a breath, sharp between her teeth. Her instant reaction is to snap, but she somehow manages to reign it in. God though, why can't everyone just leave her alone? She's fine- what does she have to do to prove that? "It was good, Kara. Honestly."_

_The look in her sister's eyes tells her just how easily she sees through that, but she doesn't have a chance to say anything more, because then the sound of running footsteps echoes down the corridor. Alex and Kara both look quickly towards the door- just in time to see Winn fly past, skidding slightly on the floor, before turning back to gasp out, "Kara- there's a huge factory fire down by the docks, you-"_

_"_ _I'm on it," she says instantly, dropping down to the floor. All at once, she becomes the superhero that's plastered on billboards, strength and power embodied. Her gaze is still slightly troubled though, and Kara takes a moment to look back at Alex. "You're alright here?" she asks._

_The grimace Alex forces is easy, playful, relieved at the fact that their conversation had ended so quickly. "Like I have much choice."_

_Kara grins. "Be right back."_

_"_ _Go back to Catco before you get fired, you lazy idiot!"_

_The sound of Kara's laugh echoes even after she's gone. Alex laughs too, but it falls flat in the suddenly empty space._

_She looks around. This space is familiar to her- almost as familiar as her own apartment- but she can't help but feel… out of place. Normally, she'd put it down to a fierce desire to get back out in the field, but with her mind still churning with the words from her earlier psych eval, she's no longer entirely certain._

_Either way, it's disconcerting. But, as she's doing with practically everything these days, she pushes it quickly to the back of her mind._

_She'll get through this, she'll get her real job back, and then this can all be in the past._

* * *

_It's three days before one of the lab assistants finds something that's even the slightest bit more interesting than a charred piece of crap, and it's not even Alex that finds it._

_She's at her desk, adding to the logs what appears to be the thousandth piece of unidentifiable hunk of metal, when she hears one of the lab techs let out a noise of surprise. She looks up immediately. "What is it?"_

_The tech is relatively new; inexperienced, but observant. And for the better part of an hour she's been sorting the remnants into sections based on their Kryptonite radiation (on Alex's first day, she'd found that there was in fact Kryptonite present on almost everything, but in such small quantities that Kara barely felt it's immediate effects; they've been using it as a way to determine the material composition of whatever they're supposed to be analyzing)._

_So far, Andy had found little of any interest. Now though, in her thick protective gloves, she's holding what was once a rectangular box- and impossibly, there's still something in it._

_"_ _I have no idea," Andy answers appraisingly. She puts the box down on one of the tables and gently begins to lift out some of the items. Most were glass, and the majority of those had been smashed in the explosion, any contents long gone, but there's perhaps three or four small vials that still remain, and at the sight of them, Alex's insides twist._

_They're small and innocuous in Andy's hands, but the sight still hits Alex with such a strong sense of déjà vu that she has to physically grip the back of a chair to keep from jerking backwards._

_Surely… surely, there'd be no way…_

_The tech's eyes are glinting with excitement, overjoyed at the prospect that her monotonous work may have actually turned up sometime useful. "I could complete an analysis on them?" she asks, deferring to Alex's experience. "Run them through to establish their structure?"_

_But Alex's eyes are glued to the vials in the girl's hand, caught by the impossibility, and when she speaks her words are practically robotic. "No. First, compare them to one of the samples we've already got on file."_

_Andy's head tilts in confusion. "Something we've already got, Agent Danvers?"_

_She nods, moving back to her station as if the physical distance will calm her mind. "Compare them to my blood samples from the K'Nex mission."_

_The silence that follows rings heavy._

_And when Andy comes back to her barely an hour later, the expression on her face- uncertainty mixed with no small amount of genuine fear, provides all the answers as well. "It's a match," the tech says apprehensively, "one of them is, at least. The other two seem to be some sort of variant. But the one-" she stops suddenly, clearing her throat and looking down to the ground. "That's an exact match for whatever was in your bloodstream after K'Nex."_

_Alex doesn't even look up. Forcing her heartbeat calm even as her fists clench, nails biting into the skin of her palm, she says quietly, "show them to Director Henshaw."_

_And then after, in the quiet of the lab, she tries to remember how to breathe._

* * *

_Alex gets home late that night._

_Maggie has closed all the curtains in the apartment, and the only light comes from the few lamps she'd switched on along the way, throwing everything into a soft golden glow and dramatic shadows._

_The detective herself is on the couch, fast asleep under a blanket and with an open case file on the coffee table in front of her. It's obvious she's tried to stay awake to greet Alex, and it's familiar and kind enough that a swell of emotions threatens to overwhelm her._

_Alex steps as softly as she can towards the kitchen, but Maggie still stirs, her eyes fluttering open. "Hey," she says softly as she sees Alex. Her voice still carries the remnants of sleep and her eyes blink blearily._

_"_ _Hey," Alex replies, "sorry I woke you."_

_Maggie stretches, groaning slightly as her joints pop. "Nah, better than me sleeping on this terrible couch all night."_

_The banter comes easily- so easy, compared to the mess that her day's been. "Don't blame my couch for your horrible posture."_

_Maggie grins, soft and tired. "How was your day?"_

_For a second, Alex entertains the notion of telling her the truth._

_Dr. Marris is still keeping her out of the field, indefinitely._

_One of the techs found a vial of the same drug she'd injected herself with._

_How she feels like she's drowning in her own body, lost in its unfamiliarity._

_And how there's a part of her that's craving something more, something that's missing._

_"_ _Yeah," she says, the taste of the lies bitter on her tongue, "nothing too interesting, you know?" She drops her jacket on the couch and makes her way to the kitchen. "I'm starving, have you eaten?")_

She's slowed her breaths until they match Alex's- or rather, until they match the forced, timed ones the breathing machine dictates.

It's a measure of stability in the shit-storm her life has recently turned into. It's a small means of being able to feel just the tiniest bit connected to the woman she loves, while she's lying unconscious in the bed in front of her.

It's stupid as hell, and Maggie knows it. Doesn't mean she's going to move anytime soon, though.

Alex's hand is cold in her own, it's paleness a horrible, stark contrast to Maggie's skin. If she was a religious woman, this is the moment she'd be praying, begging some all-knowing God for the reassurance that everything would work out fine; that Alex and Kara would be alright, that their lives could return to normal. She'd decided a long time ago, though, that while she'd respect those that were assured by the presence of a higher power, that wasn't what Maggie would believe in.

She bows her head, breath stuttering slightly in her chest. "I'm sorry, Alex," she whispers, "I'm so, so sorry."

( _One of the first things Maggie had learned about Alex, was that she was a creature of habit and routine. Unless it was one of their rare days off, or unless something bigger had cropped up, Alex would wake at 6.30 like clockwork, rolling out of bed and either running the 5-mile track through the park near her apartment, or on alternating days, heading to the DEO's gym for a circuit workout._

_That was the routine Maggie had grown accustomed to; the small comforts familiarity bought in their otherwise unpredictable lives._

_Which was why these subtle changes provided such a shock._

_It started off small, with Alex staying at the DEO for longer than usual, claiming a massive backlog of work in the lab from all the incoming evidence from the K'Nex incident. And that's all well and good, especially considering that at the times they see each other, Kara also rambles on about the amount of work that's still going on to determine just what was going on in that lab._

_But then Alex, slowly but surely, would stop talking about any of her work._

_Initially, Maggie put it down to the frustration her girlfriend's obviously feeling at being kept out of the field. But while this scientific aspect is not the usual predominant one in Alex's job, it's still something she's passionate about. So the fact she doesn't come home wanting to tell Maggie something about it doesn't make too much sense with her either._

_And now it's been a week; Maggie's sick of it._

_She's sitting at the table, sipping slowly from a cup of coffee, when Alex stumbles through the door. She's breathing heavily and dripping with sweat, and the first thing she does is stride over to the fridge, grabbing the open bottle of orange juice and taking huge, gulping swallows. Drinking straight from the bottle is something Maggie would usually scold her for, but for now she stays silent, playing absently with the handle on her cup._

_Eventually, Alex's heaving gulps stop, although her chest still jerks with harsh, uncontrollable breaths. And it's then, when she lowers the bottle from her lips and finally- finally- looks up and reveals eyes mirrored with some sort of frantic intensity, bordered by dark smudges of purple, that a cold weight settles deep in Maggie's heart._

_"_ _You're up early," Alex says finally. Maggie merely raises an eyebrow in return, until Alex mutters, "I couldn't sleep."_

_Maggie places her cup back on the table with an audible thud. It's barely even three quarters empty, but it feels like she can't stomach anything right now. "Did you even try?"_

_She asks despite the fact that she knows the answer, despite that she'd lain awake herself, listening as Alex tossed and turned and sighed out frustrated breaths as sleep once again evaded her. It had barely been an hour after they'd turned off the lights, when Alex had given up entirely, easing out of the bed and making her way towards the door, clicking it gently shut behind her. The thin line of light from beneath the door had mocked Maggie even as her own eyes reluctantly flickered shut. Her sleep had been uneasy though, full of dark, muted shapes and incomprehensible whispers._

_And when she'd jerked awake, barely three hours later, Alex had been gone._

_Alex's gaze has turned cold and defensive. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"_ _Oh what, like there's some other way to interpret that?!" It's funny, because this whole morning Maggie has been telling herself not to lose her temper, but when actually facing Alex she has little control._

_Even funnier though, is that Alex is usually the opposite; all infuriatingly calm anger and controlled fury. There are notable exceptions to that, Maggie knows. The instances she's seen where Alex completely loses control are usually reserved to where Kara is in danger, or when Maggie mentions her father and his less-than-approving treatment towards her._

_Being confronted with her out of character behavior is apparently another situation where Alex reacts in a less than ideal way._

_"_ _God," Alex snarls, slamming shut the fridge door, "you sound exactly like that psychiatrist."_

_"_ _Oh really? Why do you think that is? It couldn't possibly be because we're both just trying to get you to talk, right?"_

_"_ _I don't_ need _to talk about anything."_

_Maggie stares at her, incredulous, before shaking her head. Abandoning her coffee altogether, she stands from the table and pushes past Alex towards the door. Her keys are in the pocket of the jacket hanging by the door, which is something at least; she doesn't think she could stand being in this apartment with Alex for the time it would take to gather all the things she needs for work. She hesitates at the door, turning back to where Alex stands, watching her. "When you figure out what the hell you want, Alex, maybe then you'll realise you do."_

_And with that, she leaves, without so much as another backward glance, taking a sick sort of satisfaction in the loud bang the door makes as it slams closed._

* * *

_Her own words echo in her ears throughout the morning._

_And with each ringing repeat, her guilt sets in further, a heavy weight on her mind._

_She'd pushed too far. She'd been selfish. She hadn't even tried to understand._

_Maybe there was a reason Alex didn't feel like she could talk to her, if this was how she immediately reacted._

_Her partner, Korsak, where he sits at his desk, knows her well enough to recognize the look that'd been on her face as she'd walked in that morning and has been successfully diverting anyone away from her ever since. She'll thank him for that when she's able to focus on something more than the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness._

_It's a slow day, at least. With no active cases, a mound of paperwork is their priority. It's monotonous work, enough so that her mind's free to overanalyze everything she'd said to Alex before._

_It gets to just before midday, when she can't bear it any longer. Reaching into her jacket, she pulls out her phone and hits speed dial. Her heart beats solidly for one ring, a second, before the line's picked up and the intimately familiar voice filters through._

_"_ _Mags?" Alex's voice is soft, uncertain almost, and it makes Maggie's heart clench._

_"_ _Yeah, yeah it's me."_

_There's the sound of a stuttered breath being released, and when the DEO agent next speaks her words are rushed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're totally right."_

_"_ _Alex-"_

_"_ _No, it's all my fault. I've been distant lately, I know I have, it's just…" she draws off, and from the distant brushing noise Maggie knows she's run a frustrated hand through her hair, that she's fighting for words._

_"_ _Something's been bothering you," Maggie says first, "I know you. This is something big. And you can tell me anything, you know that, right?"_

_There's the distant sound of raised voices, but this time it's from Maggie's end. From the corner of her eye, she sees several heads turn towards the door, but the other detectives remain in their seats._

_"_ _Yeah," Alex replies, "course I know."_

_Her voice is still reluctant though, and Maggie speaks up again, turning in her seat slightly so that her face is hidden from where Korsak is watching her. "I'm always gonna be here for you, you don't have to worry bout that either."_

_"_ _I know."_

_The yelling voice is getting closer now, enough so that she turns back to Korsak with raised eyebrows. He shrugs in response but moves to investigate. Maggie's attention returns to the call. "Then just talk to me," she implores._

_There's a pause- a long one, punctuated only by Maggie's own heartbeat thrumming in her ears, until eventually comes the sound of Alex sighing heavily. "I… it's not really something you talk about over the phone, but… one of the techs found something last week, a vial-"_

_The rest of her girlfriend's sentence is lost in the events of the next few seconds._

_When Maggie is asked to write an incident report on what happened in the next few moments, she'll break it down into scenes. This is how she does her job, by breaking down a complex situation into each individual, small instant. And from this- more often than not, at least- she's usually able to understand._

_In the first moment, with her phone pressed against her ear, she hears the sound of the precinct doors slamming open._

_In the next, turning towards this unexpected noise, she sees a man enter; tall, medium build, wearing a dark jacket and a cap pulled low over his face. Those details are pushed to the back of her mind, though, when the unmistakable shape of a gun catches the light._

_And finally, there's the instant where she yells out a warning, dropping to the floor behind her desk- dropping her phone at the same time, but she'll realize that only in retrospect._

_For now, there's only the gunshots and the bullets tearing their way through her precinct.)_

The lump in the back of J'onn's throat closes up then, and he coughs slightly, shifting in his seat so that his body is coiled even tighter. "That's all Detective Sawyer has been able to tell me. She didn't know what happened immediately after that call ended; only what occurred next."

"But she was here though, right?" James asks. When J'onn shrugs slightly, the reporter turns to Winn. "Then can't you…" he trails off, wriggling his fingers towards the tablet in the tech's hands, "…do something, you know? Search up what happened on the cameras?"

Winn's fingers are already dancing across the screen. "I can try. It depends where she was, 'cos the DEO actually doesn't have CCTV footage for every room, but if she was in one of the communal areas…"

"Try her lab," J'onn says, "all of her time had been helping the team analyze what was bought in from K'Nex's lab. Chances are, she'd have been there."

Technically, none of the areas in the DEO are reserved for any one person, but somewhere along the way the lab far to the East of the building had been all but claimed by Alex. It wasn't the largest, or the most technically-equipped, but it was the only one that boasted a small, high window, allowing even the smallest bit of natural light to stream for Kara, when she undoubtedly bounded in to visit.

Winn makes a small noise of success. "And… that should be coming up on the screen now…"

( _For a moment, the only thing Alex is aware of is the repetitive tone indicating the call's ended, and the horrible, echoing blast of gunshots._

_She can't think._

_She can't breathe._

_She can't do anything except stare at some spot on the table and think about how with those, undeniable sounds, her entire world may've just fallen apart._

_Common sense kicks in. With fumbling fingers, she tries to dial Maggie back, swearing when it goes immediately to voicemail. Her next instinct is to call Kara and here, the phone rings twice before Alex remembers. Kal-El had called for her this morning, asking for her help with a forest fire that was wrecking through Oregon, and J'onn had agreed to cover for her until the situation was dealt with. She couldn't call Kara; her sister would try and do something stupid like actually come help, when she was so clearly needed elsewhere._

_Alex swears again, dialing another number instead._

_The receiver picks up after just one ring. "911, what is your emergency?"_

_A gasping breath tears itself from Alex's lips. "Yes- I was just on the phone with my girlfriend, she's a detective with the NC Science Division. We were talking, then there were gunshots, then the call ended."_

_The responder's voice is ridiculously calm and collected. "Okay. And you think she was at the precinct?"_

_She has to reign in the urge to scream bloody murder at this person because, dear god, didn't they understand how urgent the situation was?! "Yes! Yes, she was at her precinct. She was doing paperwork."_

_"_ _Okay," the distant sound of a keyboard tapping filters through the phone, "I've alerted all personnel in the area, they'll go assess what the situation is. Miss, you need to stay where you are-"_

_"_ _Agent," Alex cuts in, "Agent Danvers, DEO, and like hell am I staying here."_

_She hangs up the phone. The calmness of the lab around her is a sharp contrast to her maelstrom of emotions. Through the glass doors, she can see the other lab techs carrying on with their work, oblivious to the chaos that's just hit her. She stares, struck by the impossible notion that their lives could go on so smoothly when hers may have just come to pieces._

_Shaking her head, Alex forces herself to focus. Maggie's precinct is roughly fifteen minutes away; J'onn and Dr. Marris may be keeping her out of the field, but she can still help- she has to help; it's Maggie's life potentially on the line._

_She stands quickly, reaching for her jacket with her keys, and makes it all of three steps towards the door when the dizziness catches up to her, black spots flickering at the edges of her vision. "Shit," she breathes, a hand coming up to grip her forehead. "Shit, shit, not now." She stumbles, reaching out instinctively for the table to steady herself. It's seemingly miles away though, and as her fingers brush against it, she falls heavily to the ground._

_Exhaustion pulls at her, a sort of bone-deep weariness the likes of which she's never felt before. Her heart beats solidly in her ears, too fast and too loud and God, this can't be happening right now. She needs to get to Maggie. She needs to help._

_But the feelings she's desperately been trying to shove away have returned with a vengeance. And-_

_Her gaze falls on the small box sitting on the table. The one they'd set aside, waiting for the chem lab to deal with._

_All of a sudden, it's all she can think about. The rest of the world falls away as she remembers the strength flooding through her veins, such a far cry from the absolute wreck she is now._

_She's no use to Maggie like this. She can't help. She can't do anything without…_

_Without-_

_She looks up slowly._

_There's a voice in her head that is telling her what a horrible, terrible, absolutely stupid idea this is. But there's also another voice now, softer and calmer, and so infinitely more powerful, more focused and tempting, always tempting._

_She can't save Maggie like this- with this pathetic, weak strength. If she wants to help, she needs something else._

_It's so simple, like she'd told Dr. Marris a few days earlier. When it came to the people she loved, she'd do anything- for Maggie, she'd do anything._

_And maybe if she keeps telling herself that, the slight sting of something that feels oddly like betrayal- like this is wrong, like she's using Maggie's name as a curse- will be lessened._

_And as her fingers close around the vial, it's not with a feeling of shame. It's relief.)_

* * *

Consciousness isn't something she's ever had to fight for.

But this…

Every flicker of her eyes is a struggle, every forced breath tears itself from her throat.

It's not… she doesn't know… Rao, the last thing she remembers…

Light isn't something that usually hurts her either, usually it's something she seeks out, is drawn to, looking towards it's warmth and brightness. But this light hit hers like a bullet, like Kryptonite, burying itself deep in her brain. She wants to squirm against its harshness, to cry out. But something is still holding her down, a darkness that weighs deep against her soul.

Still though, she struggles against it. Because there's something coming alive now, a niggling little reminder that there's just… something happening. Something important. Something she should be helping with.

Consciousness isn't something she's ever had to fight for, but she fights anyway.

* * *

**I'm missing Kara- is anyone else missing Kara?**

**Thaaaank you all for reading, I hope it kinda lived up to the wait. If you wouldn't mind leaving a review letting me know what you thought, that'd be amazing.**

**Hope everything's going well for everyone :)**

**-F**


	8. Chapter 8

**Oh why hello, my eternally patient readers.**

**I love you all, and I'm sorry. I honestly never started this story with the intention to have updates this few and far between. I always have expectations for myself and my writing that never really work out, and the time it takes for me to get a chapter out is a huge disappointment for me, especially considering I have no idea of how to actually fix it.**

**But anyway, if you're willing to bear with me and keep reading, well, I'll be more grateful than I could ever say :) Your follows, favourites and reviews mean the world. So thank you thank you thank you eternally.**

**Alrighty, mention here once again goes to KaraLena90, my awesome, talented and beautiful friend (can you believe I finally got this chapter out?! What is this madness?!)**

**Oh! Last thing, I'd like to draw your attention to the fact that the "relationship" column has a new variation, in that I finally decided to make this a Supercorp fic (yay!).**

**...**

_ Chapter Eight: _

There's an eternity down here, in this hell.

The world burns, and Alex burns with it, lost in the blaze of a hundred, thousand fires.

If she had a body, she can only imagine what it would look like, can only imagine her cracked and torn skin and blood that would flow a vivid, sickening red.

But she doesn't have a form, just a mere consciousness. And even this is a frayed, broken thing. It whispers to her names, and then names within names. Maggie and Detective Sawyer. Kara and Supergirl. Hank Henshaw and J'onn. Two sides of some of the people she's closest to in the world.

She wants to reach out to them.

She wants to scream.

But she's lost. In this eternity. In this hell.

And Alex suffers alone.

* * *

( _After the first few shots, Maggie loses sense of time._

_There's the telltale sound of the clip running empty and the shooter, obviously realizing the immediate danger he's in, bangs right back through the door he'd just entered to rain terror down on them._

_Maggie waits a few more seconds, just to be sure, before moving. Staying safely behind the cover her desk provides, she glances around. Most of the other officers have reacted in the same way she had, ducking down underneath their desks, but as Maggie peers around her cover she gets a heart-stopping glimpse of a hand lying limp against the floor, unmoving and horrifying._

_"_ _Korsak," she gasps, throwing herself out from behind the desk towards his prone form. It's astonishingly bad judgement considering the active shooter roaming the building but this is also her partner, the man who's been by her side for countless hours on stakeouts, firefights and alien attacks. The man who's currently bleeding out from a shot to his torso, red blood spilling to the floor below._

_He lifts a hand in acknowledgment, waving it absently in the air above him before letting it fall limply back to the ground. "Yeah, kid, I'm good."_

_The red stain low on his shirt is only growing. "Oh, you're good, huh? This is just you being dramatic then?"_

_Korsak chuckles, and she breathes a little easier at the fact that it seems to come relatively easily. The bullet may have avoided his lungs then._

_"_ _Ah, you know me, it's been too long since I've had a good couple of days off."_

_"_ _Yeah," she mumbles, "don't I know it." Keeping an eye firmly on the doorway, she presses down hard on the gunshot wound. Maggie doesn't bother apologizing for the breathless moan he gives in response; they're both too realistic for that._

_Over her shoulder, she hears one of the desk agents on the radio with dispatch, reporting in the situation and the immediate need for medical support._

_"_ _Responders are already clearing civilians from the area," dispatch answers, "and units are assessing the situation. It appears to be only one hostile, we'll confirm that as soon as we're able."_

_Maggie's own confusion is clear on the other detectives' faces, but the answer comes to her fast, with a sudden surge of emotion. There's no way dispatch could respond that fast to the gunshots unless someone had already alerted them to the situation._

_Alex._

_She must've called it in as soon as the line had disconnected. Which means that yes, there'll be backup close, that people will be just that bit more prepared because of the early warning they'd received._

_The distant sound of more gunshots echoes through the room, followed by a woman's hair-raising scream. Maggie jerks at the sound of them, trying to imagine how many of her fellow officers had been caught off guard, how many civilians had been in the building, innocent and unprepared. And then there's Korsak, catching her eye. And even with his gaze filled with such pain, there's an understanding there as well._

_He jerks his head slightly. "Get out of here, kid," he says to her, his words pained and measured._

_She scoffs, shaking her head even as she increases the pressure against his stomach. "All due respect, shut the hell up."_

_"_ _You should be going after him."_

_She shakes her head again. "The building's already surrounded; backup will get him."_

_Korsak guffaws, and it's accompanied by just enough movement that immediately after, his eyes slam shut as a wave of pain obviously washes over him. Her heart stutters, but only for a moment as his gaze clears again. "I don't trust the guys in backup. C'mon Sawyer, you and I made a deal a long time ago; avenge each other's deaths and all that, yeah?"_

_She knows he's joking, like always, but it still hits far too close to home with her hands drenched in his blood. Some of her distress must seep through even with her silence, because one of his hands drops to grip her own. "I'll be fine, Maggie. Now go get that asshole."_

_She could tell him no, could tell him to shut up and continue keeping pressure with her hands until backup finds them._

_That'd be easy. But not, ultimately, in her nature._

_"_ _If you die," she tells her partner, "I'm gonna be so fucking mad." She sits up slightly, nodding towards one of the uniforms. "You- come here and keep pressure. Three of you stay here to flag down the medics. The rest of you," she pauses, searching the remaining faces around her and seeing only a determined anger, "let's get hunting."_

* * *

_With her gun in her hand, Maggie's feeling of panic recedes._

_What that says about her character, she doesn't care. She's a cop through and through, and a part of that is being prepared for any actions which pose a danger to her city. She doesn't like it, but it's the job._

_With that in mind though, it's hard to push away her thoughts of Alex and Korsak. But if she thinks about them she'll lose her cool sense of focus which, if she's being honest with herself, is probably about all that's keeping her going right now._

_She signals for the remaining officer that's left with her to clear the breakroom down the hallway. She's reasoned that, due to how far away it is from the stairwell and elevators, the shooter would have passed over it whereas the other officer had reckoned that there would be several other cops who'd have taken refuge there._

_And it's for that reason alone- rather than, as will later be speculated, that she'd sought the shooter out, that she'd foreseen or even hoped for this- that she's in this particular hallway._

_And she's honestly planning to wait for the other officer to return, or for the other teams to finish clearing the bottom floors and come up and meet her._

_But then she sees, out of the barest corner of her eye, a flash of navy- the same colour hat the shooter had been wearing._

_And she doesn't think. She just runs._

_"_ _Hey!" she yells, sprinting after the man. She rounds a corner mere seconds after he does, finding herself in a long, dark corridor she vaguely knows leads to a fire escape on the other side of the building. He'd obviously been planning on using that as his exit; evidently, he'd been planning on having a few more minutes to get away before any backup arrived._

_She raises her gun just as he's a few steps away from the door. "You!" she yells, "stop right there now. Make a move, I swear, and I'll shoot you right now."_

_He stops, his back to her, and even from this relative distance she can see the rapidity in which his chest rises and falls with each, panicked breath._

_"_ _Turn around," she orders, voice like steel, "slow… hands where I can see them."_

_Her mind is working at a ridiculous rate, processing and analysing (and God, don't think about Korsak, don't think don't think). As he turns, she sees the gun still gripped tightly in his right hand and her reflexes coil even tighter, a loaded spring._

_And even as Maggie sees this, she sees the man's eyes flicker towards his gun as well, as if only just remembering it's there. She sees the moment he calculates the gun in her own hand, at her aim, at his distance from the outside door. And she realizes at the same moment he does, that- like practically every other person faced suddenly with the consequences of their impulsive actions- he's going to back himself, take a chance, make the only choice he feels he still has._

_"_ _Don't," she warns immediately, even as her trigger finger tightens minutely, "don't do it."_

_But it's obvious any words she could say are lost to his new determination. His hand lifts slightly, minutely, and Maggie is just about to fire her own gun when a sudden force pushes her from behind._

_Maggie's lifted off her feet, slamming heavily into the wall. The breath is forced from her chest, leaving her gasping, her head swimming. What had happened? Had backup arrived? She forces herself to move, shoving past the pain, shutting it away in the back of her mind._

_Some alert part of her subconscious has kept her grip on the gun, and she instinctively raises it now._

_And then freezes._

_"_ _Alex?!"_

_Her girlfriend doesn't even look up from where she's beating the_ absolute shit _out of the man. There's blood already covering her hand, and even as Maggie watches, Alex draws back her fist and delivers a startlingly hard punch to the shooter's face. He's already long unconscious on the ground, his face a bloody, pulpy mess, and he doesn't react to these furious hits despite the damage they're doing to his body. And despite this, Alex pulls back just long enough to kick him hard- too hard,_ inhumanely _hard- in the chest._

_All of a sudden, Maggie knows; Alex will kill him if she doesn't stop._

_"_ _Alex!"_

_But it's like she doesn't even hear her._

_Maggie throws herself towards her girlfriend. She reaches her just as Alex is drawing back to deliver another kick. Maggie grabs her shoulder, pulling herself in close._

_"_ _What're you doing?!" Maggie demands, "he's down, Alex, stop!"_

_Alex doesn't react to her words and her shoulder, where Maggie grips it, is practically thrumming with tension. There's a small smattering of blood speckled on Alex's cheek, but easily the most horrifying thing is that when- finally- Alex's eyes meet her own, there's a vacancy in that gaze that spears right through her._

_It's like she's not even seeing her._

_It's like Alex doesn't_ know _her._

_And it's then- perhaps the most unusual of times, but there nonetheless- the words of her earlier conversation with Alex comes back to her._

_Or rather, the words Alex had been about to say before this surprise turn of events._

_'_ _We found something,' Alex had been saying, 'a vial.'_

_A vial- of what exactly?!_

_Barely a moment has passed, and yet in that funny way that time has, the earth could've moved for an eternity without any impact on this moment. An apocalypse could've fallen outside and it wouldn't bear any sense of finality in comparison to this instant, here, with Maggie looking deep into the eyes of the woman she loves and begging for any sense of recognition._

_And not finding it._

_And then, just like that, Alex pulls violently away from Maggie's grip and is gone, almost instantly, out of that door._

_And Maggie's left with nothing but a pounding heart and the bleeding body of the shooter on the ground._ )

"What happened after that?"

Maggie forces her face to remain blank, to keep her posture relaxed. Though she was loathe to leave Alex's side, her girlfriend had been wheeled away for more tests and she wasn't anywhere near prepared to deal with Alex's doctor. That being said though, maybe facing J'onn's gathered group was little better. "That doesn't have anything to do with this."

Dr. Hamilton frowns, leaning forward in her chair. "You don't have to be afraid, Detective Sawyer. We're all trying to help Alex and Kara."

"I'm not afraid," Maggie snaps back immediately, sending the doctor a sharp look, "it just doesn't concern anything here." She can feel the weight of everyone's gaze on her, none more so than J'onn's. It's difficult to believe, with his eyes filled with such that sense of otherworldly understanding, that he's able to pass as a human so effectively. She knew that he didn't like to use his Martian powers without her consent, but Maggie still couldn't shake the feeling that he can understand a whole lot more than she was prepared to say.

But God, she thinks, maybe that was just her being paranoid; maybe it was just the result of her unease, maybe-

"They suspended you, didn't they?"

Maggie jerks. And the room falls silent, everyone turning to face Dr. Sarah Marris where she sits stoically, fixing Maggie with the best 'I see through your bullshit' stare she's seen in a while.

"You took the blame for what happened with Alex, and so they suspended you."

There's a moment of harsh, abrasive silence, and when Maggie turns to look at the psychiatrist, her eyes are filled with a cool fury.

( _It was a commonly accepted rule that for a cop to be doing their job properly, they must at some point come into conflict with their superiors. It's what marked the difference between a pencil-pusher and those who weren't afraid to piss off the brass by following their instincts. It was a fine line, one Maggie had danced across in many instances. And each time she couldn't help but think whether it would be the one where she'd pushed too far._

_As of yet, she'd escaped with no major repercussions- instead, perhaps, with grudging respect._

_She's not so sure that'll be the case now._

_It's not just Weston- her captain- that's in the office when Maggie knocks and enters. There's two others: Helen Bowman; one of the science division directors, and a man Maggie vaguely knows as belonging to the human resource office._

_The instant she sees them all there, waiting for her, she knows what's about to happen._

_Still though, she squares her shoulders, nodding respectfully at them all and waiting for an indication before she takes a seat._

_Weston isn't glaring, but he's watching her closely, gaze sharp and focused. She's been working under him for close to four years, and she knows him to be a captain epitomizing harsh but fair love. There's no doubt she's excelled working within this unit, but she's never been entirely sure whether that's a direct result of his influence or her own effort._

_"_ _Well," he starts, leaning forward in his seat with the accompanying groan of the protesting, cracked leather beneath him, "I think we can all say this was a royal fuck up, wasn't it?"_

_Maggie stays silent._

_Helen Bowman speaks up then. "Detective Sawyer, do you know why we're here today?"_

_It's horribly, horribly hard to reign in the urge to roll her eyes. This was what Director Bowman was known for; for publicly shaming her employees in a way that made them feel like three-year olds. But Maggie had already made her choice and was prepared to deal with the consequences of that, as horrible as they may be._

_She glares back at Bowman. "I think I have some idea," she says._

_"_ _Let's be clear, Sawyer," Weston cuts in, "that the Board takes accusations of police brutality very, very seriously. How do you imagine the press would take it if they learned that one of our perps was delivered to the hospital with the severe injuries he had?" He shakes his head, "I like you Sawyer, but this is a fucking mess."_

_She nods once. "I understand that, sir."_

_"_ _Good. Then for the record, I want you to tell me exactly what the hell occurred."_

_And so Maggie tells them about what happened earlier. She carefully describes what the morning had been like, how out of nowhere the perp had entered the room. She doesn't gloss over the facts of how Korsak had been shot, or of her attempts at first aid. She tells them- only because she knows that when he's asked, Korsak will insist that it was his idea- that he'd been the one to suggest she pursue the shooter. She explains how she found the man and she doesn't hesitate when describing how she took him down._

_There's just one very important difference though, from the reality of the situation._

_She's careful- so, so careful- to ensure that there's no mention anywhere of Alex._

_When it comes to describing how exactly the suspect had been found with four broken ribs and a myriad of internal bleeding playing havoc with his lungs and chest, Maggie admits to hitting him, to kicking him, to taking her anger out over her hurt partner on the man who'd caused it._

_The words come easy, despite the guilt she feels about dragging Korsak into this, even if it's just by name. And besides, any guilt she could possibly ever feel is absolutely buried beneath a furious desire to protect Alex._

_She'd go through this a hundred- a thousand- times if it means her girlfriend's left alone._

_Well, not alone, because God knows the first thing Maggie will do when she gets away from here is find Alex and find out just what the hell is going on. But that's between them, not the fucking Board of Directors._

_And as far as her bosses are concerned, Maggie Sawyer- with her record and with her well-known defiance- has no reason to lie._

_There's an uneasy silence when she finally stops talking, and Maggie doesn't see any reason to break it. She knows what's about to happen, and there's not a whole lot she can do about it now._

_Bowman and Weston exchange glances, and Weston sits back in his chair, waving his hand as if allowing Bowman to go forward however she sees fit._

_She turns to Maggie. "Well… I see only one course of action here." Bowman spares a second to look towards the man from human resources, who gives a small nod in response. "Let the records show, that pending further investigation followed by a disciplinary hearing, Detective Maggie Sawyer has been suspended without pay until such a time the review board makes a decision on today's events. Do you have any further questions, Sawyer?"_

_She's stuck in an odd juxtaposition; her mind's numb but there's an odd sort of tingling spreading through her body._

_For Alex, she reminds herself, she's doing this for Alex._

_Even if it means losing this in the process._

_"_ _No. I have no further questions."_

* * *

_Afterwards, Maggie doesn't go looking for Alex; that would be a waste of time._

_It's not quite raining as she walks home, but the city air is heavy with moisture that clings to her face and curls her hair in thick, dark tendrils. The sky has long since gone dark, but she relies more on instinct than the dim, hazy streetlights._

_She needs to talk to Alex. She needs to call Korsak- or maybe his wife, considering he might still be in surgery._

_She needs to find out just what the hell had happened._

_She needs… God, she needs a drink._

_There's a thousand things on her mind, each thought more troubling and conflicting than the last. But the one thing that she doesn't think she'll ever forget is the memory of Alex's eyes; of how- for even just a split second- Alex had looked straight at her without even the barest flicker of recognition._

_Maggie's seen a lot of things in her line of work- ex-work, God- that's scared her._

_But nothing quite compares to the vacancy that'd been in that gaze._

_And she makes a decision. It's not a drink that she needs, and it's not even Alex. Alex comes with a whole hoard of questions and problems that Maggie feels like she can't even begin to process yet- not alone, at any rate._

_And thinking on that, she needs Kara._

* * *

_It's both ridiculous and gratifying to know that if she ever needs Supergirl, all Maggie has to do is call her name. Alex had explained it to her once, how- if she wanted- Kara would be able to hear every heartbeat, every stuttered breath, from one end of the city to the other. It could be incredibly overwhelming for her, on a bad day when her focus slipped and the weight of millions upon millions of sounds crashed down around her. But on a good day, she could filter it out, narrow down the sounds of panic from the screams of laughter and somehow, amid all that, pick out familiar voices from the swelling sea of strangers'._

_Maggie was still hesitant though. Not because she thought Kara wouldn't hear her or, if she did, that she'd be ignored. But because she knew that Alex's little sister had a hard time saying no to anyone, especially when it came to the people she cared about. Supergirl, Maggie knew, had been out of state helping her cousin all day; who was to say that calling her here now wasn't taking her away from saving hundreds of people's lives? The Maggie of yesterday would have waited till she was certain Kara was back in National City on her own terms._

_But that was her yesterday, before Alex had lost it completely and almost beat a man to death._

_The sounds of the city are distant from the rooftop of Maggie's apartment building, the thrum of traffic fading to a background noise. It's just the police sirens that seem to cut through the air- always the sirens._

_Closing her eyes, Maggie tilts back her head and lets out a breath that would rattle the stars if they weren't hidden behind a dense layer of cloud. Exhaustion- sheer, unfiltered exhaustion- pulls at her. She wants nothing more than to let it take her away, to fall from this place into another where her life wasn't this complicated._

_If she'd known, all those years ago when she'd made the choice to move away from Gotham to become a cop in National City, that her life would turn out like this, would she have made the same choices?_

_She knows, deep in her bones, that she wouldn't give up her love for Alex for anything in the world._

_But still, the thought remains._

_"_ _Kara," she says to the open air. It feels vaguely ridiculous to talk to the sky, but she pushes past it. "Kara, if you can hear me, we need to talk. This is important, Kara, please."_

_She's still talking- still begging- a few mere seconds later when there's a soft thump as Kara land on the roof behind her._

_"_ _Maggie," Kara says immediately, striding closer. "What's wrong? What happened?" Her Supergirl uniform is covered slightly in soot and she carries with her a strong smell of smoke. Maggie had been vaguely aware of the fact that Kara had been helping her cousin with several wildfires all day, but the smudge of ash across her face only makes her blue eyes that much more intense and electric._

_"_ _There's…I-" Maggie doesn't know how to explain, and Kara seems to see this. Barely a moment later, Kara has crossed the space between them and pulled her into a tight, uncompromising hug._

_The feeling of this girl's arms around her brings such an undeniable sense of safety that for the first time in hours, Maggie lets herself crumble, lets herself fall. She's been pushing away the weight of everything for the last few hours, but it's here that she remembers that she doesn't need to. There's someone else who loves Alex just as much as Maggie does, just in a fundamentally different way._

_Kara smells strongly of smoke and ash, and Maggie lets herself belief that it's for this reason that tears prick at the edges of her eyes._

_"_ _Are you alright?" Kara asks eventually._

_Maggie lets out a breath, gathering herself with the force of it sharp between her teeth. She pulls back, wiping her face with her sleeve before looking up to Kara. "I'm fine, but Alex isn't.")_

Silence once again meets the end of her words. Only this time it's heavy with a sense of bitter understanding. There's suddenly no one here who's eyes Maggie feels comfortable meeting. They're all too filled with this horrible understanding or pitying sympathy.

"Who was he?" Vasquez suddenly asks. She's sitting back fully in her chair, but even from her relative distance Maggie can see the rigidity in her posture, in the way she's crossed her arms.

Maggie shrugs. "As far as I know, no one. Someone with a grudge, but he had nothing to do with Alex, Supergirl or K'Nex." She scowls at the table. "It was just a coincidence."

"Are we sure about that?" James asks. "It seems hard to believe that something like that would happen at the same time as all… this." He waves his hand absently before turning to look at J'onn. "Isn't it worth looking into?"

The Director's face is contemplative. "Maybe," he says, "but I'm inclined to agree with Maggie. We'll look into it, but it could simply just have been an unfortunate coincidence."

"So what now, then?" Dr Marris interjects, leaning forward so that her blonde hair falls to gently frame her face. "If that's a dead end, and we get nowhere with the search for the Montgomery's, then what?"

"Alex," Maggie says immediately, looking around as if daring anyone to contradict her. "She's the only one that knows everything that happened. And she's not getting any better. That seizure she had earlier was just the beginning of a steady decline. Medical have no idea how long we have before her system's overloaded."

"So we need a cure or something," James says simply, before her words hit too hard. Typical of his profession, he's moved straight to the heart of the problem. "We need something to counteract whatever that drug's doing."

And that's when Lena speaks up, for the first time in a while.

"I think," she says, "this is where I come in."

( _She considers it normal to be at her office this late on a Friday night._

_It's not that she wants to be here, exactly- contrary to popular belief, Lena does actually enjoy several things outside of L-Corp. For the past week her evenings have actually been overtaken with charging through two seasons of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, much to Kara's delight. But this afternoon her office had been inundated with seemingly hundreds of pages of contract terms with a new supplier, and the hours had rushed by._

_She sighs, rubbing her temples slightly in an effort to wish away the headache pulsing there. She'd sent Eve home hours ago so they'll be no one to berate her for one more cup of coffee, and she's just thinking about making her way to the small kitchen on the floor below when her phone rings._

_The familiar voice of one of the security guards that works night shifts at the front desk echoes through the line. "Sorry to bother you, Miss Luthor," he says, "but there's a woman down here who says you know her, name's Alex Danvers?"_

_Lena frowns. "Did she say why she's here?"_

_"_ _No, mam, just says she needs to talk to you, says it's important."_

_Well, Lena reasons to herself, it's unexpected, but there must be a reason behind Alex's presence._

_"_ _Let her up," she tells the guard._

_There's a slight pause. "Are you sure, Miss Luthor? She was carrying a gun."_

_Lena barely holds in a snort. "But she also had a federal ID with her, no?"_

_Another pause. "Yes, ma'am."_

_"_ _Then it's perfectly explainable. She's a friend. Let her up."_

_She hangs up the phone, taking a moment to stretch and wonder what, exactly, would make Alex seek her out at such a time. She considers texting Kara, but dismisses the idea almost instantly; better to wait and see what it concerns before bothering her friend this late on a Friday night._

_Barely a minute passes before the sounds of Lena's private elevator come from beyond her door. She has another moment before her door creaks open and Alex slinks in._

_"_ _I need your help," she says immediately._

_Lena pauses from where she was midway through rising from her seat, assessing the woman in front of her. It's not as if her and Kara's sister are complete strangers, but they're not the closest of friends either. Their conversations are usually limited to whenever Kara is present; this would be the first time one's actually sought the other out._

_But even she can tell that something isn't quite right with Alex Danvers._

_In the dim light of her office, the agent appears pale and oddly shaky, hair drenched from the rain outside. Her hands are stuffed deep in the pockets of her jacket, but she's shifting constantly on her feet, sending odd, furtive glances to the windows._

_And it's for those reasons, that the first thing that comes unbidden to Lena's lips is, "are you alright?"_

_Alex nods immediately, almost ferociously, and her hands remain hidden deep in her pockets._

_"_ _I think," Lena says hesitantly, for some reason finding herself tense and watchful, "we should call Kara."_

_"_ _No!"_

_Alex's shout is loud and sudden and it stops Lena completely from where she was reaching towards her phone. Unbidden in her mind comes the reminder of the uncertainty her security team had expressed at allowing Alex up to see her, and for the first time, Lena understands why._

_Alex seems to realise her out of character behaviour. With the air of someone trying to supress their panic, she raises her hands and takes a steadying breath. "No," she repeats, "this isn't something Kara needs to know."_

_Lena sits back down slowly in her chair, assessing carefully. "Well… I'll admit you've got my attention."_

_With another quick glance out to the skyline- honestly, Lena's almost under the impression that she's furtively searching for Supergirl among the skyscrapers- Alex says again, "I need your help."_

_"_ _My help?" Lena raises an eyebrow, "I was unaware the DEO required civilian aid for anything- unless this isn't for business of course. If that's the case though, I'd really feel more comfortable having Kara here."_

_"_ _But this is about Kara."_

_Lena freezes, her eyes narrowing to a sharp glare. Lillian had taught her long ago, about exactly how formidable a penetrative stare could be. It was one of the few lessons she'd ever appreciated. "Is she alright?" Lena asks, forcing her voice calm and her hands to uncurl from where she'd suddenly gripped the armrests of her chair._

_But the agent is already shaking her head, lifting a hand to rub at her temple as she mutters, "wait, wait- no, it's not Kara, it's-"_

_But then she stops, her gaze fixed and unseeing on some distant point. Lena's once again struck mute by uncertainty- and no small amount of fear either. Which is ridiculous, she tells herself, because what could she possibly have to fear from the sister of her closest friend?_

_When she speaks again, Alex's voice is tight. She reaches into her pocket, withdrawing a small vial of what, even from this distance, Lena recognises undeniably as blood. "I need you to study this; to try and replicate the foreign substance within it."_

_It's such an odd response- so completely out of the blue- that for an instant all Lena can do is stare in shock. Alex takes this opportunity to take a few steps closer, depositing the small vial full of blood on her desk like a horrible sort of offering. In the bright lights of her office, it's substance takes on a strange, murky depth._

_Lena looks up. "And what, exactly, would I expect to find?"_

_"_ _Something. Anything. Whatever's there that shouldn't be."_

_"_ _And you want me to replicate whatever this thing is?" Lena's frown deepens. Every instinct in her body is telling her to be cautious, to play along, but she just also can't understand what it is about Alex that is provoking such a feeling. "As I understand it, Supergirl acts with the DEO's oversight. Surely a government agency like that would have the capability of handling something like that themselves. And besides, even if I did all this for you- even if I did- I'm still not sure what exactly this has to do with Kara."_

_And that's when Alex looks- away from the window, away from whatever had been drawing her attention earlier- right at Lena. There's a moment of silence, uncompromising and eternal, in which Lena realises that she knows exactly what Alex is going to say._

_Maybe there's a part of her that's always known, but has shied away from what it means._

_Maybe she's been lying, deluding herself with the comfort that Kara brings because it's so much simpler that way._

_Either way, it's here now, right in front of her, undeniable._

_"_ _Because it would help Supergirl- it would help save my sister.")_

* * *

Her eyes open to an artificial light.

She can immediately tell the difference; even in her dazed, hazy consciousness she recognises the feel of sunlamps bearing down on her skin, the distinct way in which they mimic- but not entirely copy- the effect that sunlight has on her.

She blinks again.

There's pain- no small amount of it either. But this is something easily pushed aside, insignificant in the growing realisation that she's actually conscious.

She's conscious and all alone.

Kara's not immediately surprised; the presence of the sunlamps means that they're trying to jumpstart her healing by drenching her in UV radiation, making it unsafe for humans to be in the same room with the settings turned up so high.

But even then, in the instances this has happened before, there's usually someone- Alex or J'onn, even Vasquez one time- hanging right on the other side of the door, speaking soft words so that her enhanced hearing picks up on their presence. She can't hear anyone there now, but she's certainly in enough pain for there to be the possibility that she's knocked out her powers.

Or maybe there's no one there at all, but she can't even begin to imagine the level of disaster that would keep Alex from staying with her.

And that's when she remembers.

Everything.

She has many names. Kara Zor-El. Kara Danvers. The Girl of Steel. Supergirl. It's something her friends have questioned her about, many times, on where she draws the line between one person and the other.

She's not sure whether there's such a clear, distinct answer. Maybe instead, Kara has often wondered, her different aliases simply allow her to become the person she needs to be in that moment; a girl to remember her home planet, a reporter to expose the truth, or an alien to fight the battles no one else could. They're not the same in subtle ways, but they're also not entirely separate either. After all, she wouldn't be able to fight as fiercely without a horrible, personal knowledge of what could happen if she failed, and neither would she have ever been able to face the death of her planet without the life that she'd made here on this one.

And now, first and foremost, she's Kara Danvers.

And Kara Danvers will fight for her sister.

* * *

**Thank you all so much for reading! Any thoughts and feelings you have would be amazing to hear (tips on how to get my lazy ass into gear and actually write would be much appreciated as well, ha).**

**THANK YOU!**

**F.**


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